just a little less sane than yesterday

fucktards and dirtclods

2009-03-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

A few clods of dirt wobble like people who've had a little too much to drink and roll out of the way as the soil starts to rise up into a little molehill. The mound shakes a little, getting a little taller and expanding horizontally. By all accounts a mole should pop out some time soon.. Except that moles don't seem to be that common of a creature in the Philippines. Which is one of the little reasons that my heart weeps in the evenings on the second day of February each year. But my heart's kind of retarded like that because moles aren't groundhogs though I suppose I'd take either really...

As usual I digress.

I miss digressing. I miss a lot of things. In the months since I left my multiply to gather cobwebs and dustballs, things have slowly gone to pieces and I've been too ashamed to admit it. People are used to me being peppy and cheerful and with a ready smile from ear to ear despite the pointed lack of substance abuse. *flashes patented maniacal grin* I decided to cover up the cracks in the wall by putting up pretty pictures. Which is stupid because you have to stick nails in the wall for the pictures to hang on and given the cracked walls metaphor you can see why this is not the best idea in the world. I had a lot of pretty pictures. It was easy. But when it starts to rain and the cracks have branched off to the roof and you're sitting in a puddle of uncommonly cold rain water on the fringes of what should be summer time, surrounded by representations of reality, altered to be aesthetically pleasing... well, you feel like a fucktard.

And I'm too smart to be a fucktard.

This isn't to say that life's been a complete bitch the past few months. Honestly in some respects it's been kind of wonderful. Once more I find myself surrounded by amazing people who, though few in number are worth more than *insert random popular person's name here*'s entire list of facebook contacts. Where do you think I got all the pretty pictures from? :P But like I said, I'm too smart to be a fucktard. So it's time to acknowledge that there are some things that are really shitty and that now's the time to stop hiding in the corner and waiting for them to go away. Now's the time to shoot them with a shotgun and drag out the carcasses to be burned in the enchanted forest of yonder in the north. There are mango trees there. They'd like the smoke. And once that's done I can plod my way back and get to work on rebuilding my little room.

...

Something pokes out of the soil. What may have passed for a mole nose for maybe half a second rises further and dissappoints us all by revealing itself to be nothing more than a furry finger. It is soon followed by four more. The mound breaks, and the paw is followed by and arm, which is soon followed by a head and then a torso as the buried body wiggles it's way clear of the dirt. The gani bear flops out on to the ground in front of the fresh hole, snuffling and hocking up mudballs (spitballs with oomph) irritated but feeling much better than she has in a while. She lays there for a while, brushing herself off distractedly, thinking happily about how much lighter it feels without several feet of dirt on top of her and whehter or not she can get away with not taking a shower.

Public service announcement: Gani bear is back. You may want to hide the peanut butter...

P.S. I can't believe I've used fucktard three (now four) times in one post. LOL.

to get the ball rolling.../ If I were a Disney Princess, I'd be Ariel

2008-11-19T00:47:00.000-08:00

I will be posting a brainless survey entry. Sooooooooo much has happened and there's a whole buttload of things to write about but I think I'm going to pace myself. This also gives me time to sort out which stories I want to share properly and which ones I will save for my enumeration post. Hohummhumm. Anyway, off we go...

Cinderella:
[ ] One of your parents is dead
[ ] You are expected to do a lot of chores
[ ] You love to dress up
[x] You love animals
[ ] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming
[x] Your mom is really strict
[ ] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you
[ ] You’re afraid to speak your mind sometimes
[x] You have left your shoes at a friend’s house before
[x] You have hair (I really don't see how this is particularly Cinderella-ish)
TOTAL: 4

Belle:
[ ] You’ve kissed someone your friends didn’t like
[ ] You’ve been lost in the forest
[x] You love to read
[-] You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind (this is half no, half yes)
[x] One of your family members is a bit weird (ALL my family members are a bit wierd)
[ ] You have done volunteer work
[x] You have a wild imagination
[ ] You love to take care of people in need
[ ]You’ve had guys like you only because they think you’re pretty
[ ] You’ve rejected at least one person when they’ve asked you out
TOTAL: 3.5

Jasmine:
[ ] Your dad is very rich/important
[ ] You are very clever
[ ] You’ve been with someone way different from you
[x] You’re unique and different from everyone else
[x] You’d never marry someone just because they were rich
[x] You have set a lot of goals for yourself
[ ] You don’t have a lot of friends
[x] You’re independent
[ ] You are wealthy
[ ]Your parents try to control your life
TOTAL: 4

Ariel:
[x] Your parents expect a lot from you
[ ] You really try to follow the rules, but it’s hard for you
[ ]You’re a bit of a trouble maker
[x] You’re the youngest in your family or in the last 2
[ ] You have a lot of sisters
[x] You collect something
[x] You have/had long hair
[x] You have/had a pet fish
[x] You’re extremely curious
[x] You believe everything people tell you/you’re a bit gullible
TOTAL: 7

Snow White:
[ ] You know that you’re beautiful
[ ] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you
[x] You’ve almost been killed (I have a bad history with crossing roads)
[x] You have at least seven good friends
[x] You’ve had food poisoning (chowking gaahh)
[-] You have/had short hair
[x] You get along with almost everyone
[x] All of your friends are different
[x] You love to have a good time
[ ] You’re happier when you’re in of the house than outside
TOTAL: 6.5

Mulan:
[x] You can be a tomboy sometimes.
[ ] People wish you could be a bit more (a bit more what?)
[ ]You’ve pretended to be someone you’re not
[x] You’ve had a physical fight with someone
[x] You have/had considered running away from home
[ ] Your parents try to plan your life out
[x] A lot of your friends are boys
[x] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations
[x] You love your family so much that you’d do anything to protect them
TOTAL: 6

Aurora:
[x] You live/have lived with someone other than your parents
[x] You almost died at a very young age
[x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful
[x] You have a decent singing voice
[xxx] You like to sleep in late on the weekends
[ ] You spend most of your time outside
[ ] You’re adopted
[ ] You’re very romantic
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL: 5

Pocahontas:
[ ] You love to walk around and explore big cities
[x] You are more spiritual than religious
[ ] You’ve been in an interracial relationship
[x] One of your family members is dead (both grandparents on my mother's side)
[x] Your parents are very protective of you
[ ] Someone you know has been in war
[ ] You love nature
[x] You have/had black hair
[x] You would love to move somewhere beautiful
[x] You’re very adventurous
TOTAL: 6

Take the princess’s name that you got the most in and repost…if you have more than 1, play eeny meany myny moe with them until you get an answer and…

Repost this as, If I were a Disney Princess, I’d be _____

this isn't fill in the blanks...

2008-09-30T03:17:00.000-07:00

...though you probably automatically do anyway xD but that's the problem with making assumptions. Taken from loi who was linked to by Dea :P

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/460854

This made me lol and feel infinitely better after all the paperwork.. I think I've been spending too much time around guys lately xD

only too true

2008-09-20T22:47:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning... to avoid studying for a while... and came across a bit of scratch paper from Chris's last night out in Manila (this was more than a month ago and just goes to show what a disorganized creature I am) We had dinner--after wandering down the entire length of the strip like area across from MoA--at some place where we polished of a taster platter and rice good for "5" people while chatting continuously over the live band playing oldies jazzish ewan songs.

With it still being relatively early we went for dessert at Friday's where we met up with Anjo and his entourage, composed of Freddy, Leal, Elise, Magsy and Sarah. It was a fun night and I miss Chris (and all the other JTA creatures, globe trotting bastards the lot of them) but back to the scratch paper. I found it pinned under the clothes hamper, and hurriedly scrawled across it in blue ink are three "life lessons" Leal pulled out of one Enta's latest productions.

No one cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.

There's plenty of time to be dead so live life

If you can't solve it, its not a problem. It's reality

.....

Note on the last one: FINALS WEEK

An afflicted kender buckle whore...

2008-09-06T18:54:00.000-07:00

...looks like this. :D

Hello everyone, meet Mistah Ripple Pickapocket... he has issues.

This is a character sketch that I made for rj's character in the upcoming October campaign. For the uninformed, kenders are a playable race that originally came out in the DragonLance setting for D&D. They're basically annoying little bastards. Small, with high pitched voices and crazy dexterity scores, your average kender is a happy bugger (think ADHD), really curious, and has a penchant for... picking things up. Quite appropriate if you want to play a rogue, which is what Rj will be doing. Striker!!

But wait! you say, this kender looks far from peppy, and it doesn't have a topknot! Ah, but you see, mr. pickapocket is an afflicted kender. And that makes all the difference :P Afflicted Kender are kender who've undergone severe trauma that basically turns them emo. This explains the hair and the hollow look in his eyes.

I haven't edited out the original notes yet, though I did adjust the levels in photoshop so that the line art wasn't so washed out looking. Level adjustment is love! though probably not more so than multiply layers which I will abuse once more for the coloring ^_^

I can't post anymore details about the character (We have to keep his stats a secret from Luke the evil, evil Dungeon Master!) but you probably don't want to hear about it anyway ;P haha this was just wicked fun to draw and a wonderful way to burn time :D

Bye bye puppy

2008-08-31T07:34:00.000-07:00

A haircut. I've been wanting one for a while and I've needed one for an even longer time. I'd been waiting to go home and have it done at Bridges but things didn't really work out the last time I went home *see previous post* So I thought bridges be damned and got myself a haircut on Saturday after eating a late lunch with RJ at Trinoma.--We ate at this place called Bigoli which is almost exactly the same as Fazolis in Eastwood.. I sense a copycat/break-away partner lol-- He dropped me off at Katipunan before leaving to pick up his mom at the airport for some sort of Siliman Sunday in Los Banos.

The deed was done in Azta: a hair salon along Katipunan on the second floor of a building beside Rustans. It was hihghly recommended by Tara and Drea so I wasn't unduly worried. The stylist was a calm looking gay man, wearing a bright blue and green shirt that clung to the small paunch he sported. He finished the hair of the girl beside me with a flourish before turning his attention to me, commenting in slight dismay at the sheer amount of product-less hair hangning from my head. He tentatively held out a lank with his pinky cocked while I told him to chop off a couple of inches. then he snapped his fingers and an assistant came up behind me for prep.
After the wash and rinse routine, I sat myself back down and took out my chinese book to review chapter 11, catching the salon assisstant giving me a weird look as she discretely placed a selection of fashion magazines in front of me. Ignoring the well-meaning gesture i settled in and continued memorizing characters. Preoccupied with deciding whether the symbol for hui looked more like a hut or drawn stage curtains, I didn't pay a lot of attention during the actual hair cutting. I looked up at the mirror which I had been ignoring for the past 15 minutes and was surprised to see that he had chopped off more than "a couple of inches." Not that the result was bad. I've received mixed reactions but none of them were negative. It is decidedly shorter though... I shook my head experimentally, slightly weirded out by how light my head felt, post haircut, and looked down to see my freshly severed hair being swept into a pile big enough to for a small puppy. Hmmm... that explains the lightness.

Turn left, Turn right

2008-08-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

Turn left, Turn right is the first Chinese film from Warner Bros and was featured in the Loyola Film Circle's Fete du Film, screened at Ateneo in Escaler Hall yesterday. We got extra points in Chinese for watching. The movie is in chinese (and Polish for the poem) and subbed in English. It's a sweet romantic drama/comedy with a host of facepalm moments. The protagonists, played by Takeshi Kaneshiro ( student # 763092) and Gigi Leung (student #784533) couldn't possibly get any more star crossed.

Kaneshiro's character is talented young violinist while Leung plays a translator. Both are introverted and well, kinda weird. The plot revolves around the fact that they live in the same building, but because Leung has the habit of turning left upon leaving the apartment while Kaneshiro turns right, they never meet .

Well.. that's not entirely true. Throughout the whole movie they meet thrice ^_^ One of these times is a chance encounter in the park--the result of a gust of wind and a sheaf of papers landing in a fountain. When they get to talking, we're lead through a flashback revealing that they had met for the first time at a joint school trip 10 years previously, but only knew each other by their student numbers... Which is how they continue to refer to each other throughout the film. They get stuck in a sudden downpour and seperate after exchanging numbers... But as luck would have it, the numbers get washed out by the rain. The rest of the movie unfolds and they keep just barely missing each other. It's just a matter of minutes and meters between these two and it reaches the point of being ridiculous.

Turn left turn right is based on the book A chance of sunshine by Jimmy Liao, inspired by the Poem by Polish poetess Wislawa Szymborska entitled "Milosc od pierwszego wejrzenia" or "Love at first sight" This provides the dramatic element in the story. After having lost each other, and looking obbsessively for ages, it's rather painful to discover that if you'd just turned around, been 3 minutes earlier, taken the overpass, or turned right instead of left you would have found them. You would have wound up right on their doorstep. This wasn't the original context of the poem. But both takes on it are equally uber. Here's the excerpt that they used in the movie (though I took the liberty of splicing a bit of the original english translation and the movie translation (i.e. the english translation of the chinese translation))

Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together
Beautiful is such certainty
but uncertainty is more beautiful

Because they had never met before
They are sure that there had been nothing between them
But what say the streets stairways and corridors?
Perhaps they have met a million times.

I'd like to ask them whether they remember
A moment, face to face in a revolving door
An "excuse me" muttered in a crowd
Or a curt "wrong number" in the receiver

But I know their answer
"No" they don't remember.

They would be greatly astonished to learn
that chance had been playing with them for years
Not yet wholly ready to transform into their destiny
It approached them, then backed off
Stood in their way and, suppressing a giggle, jumped to the side

....

It makes you want to pay more attention to the people around you instead of just tuning them out while you lock yourself in a little bubble while commuting or walking down the street, concentrating on projecting an evil aura to ward of snatchers. I give this movie a 4.5 star rating. The only reason it's not a 5 is the epic facepalm ending which I won't tell you for the sake of not being a spoiler. ;P Watch it.

The word of the day is...

2008-08-19T04:53:00.000-07:00

...congestion.

or mucus, take your pick.

Went home to Cebu for the long weekend but ended up getting sick. Thankfully it's just a cold, which is really the only sickness that gets to me. But well, I don't think a grumpy, disheveled, snuffling and alternately leaking person makes for very good company >.< Mommy started nagging about picking a minor and that didn't help a whole lot either. Basically spent the weekend catching up on movies and stuff, though towards the end I couldn't really appreciate anything very much anymore. The opening of the Beijing Olympics for example, is a lot less spectacular when viewed through a haze of snot. Kung Fu Panda, August Rush, and Definitely maybe were really good movies though :) Thankfully I watched these before the mucus took over my sinuses.

Got on the plane back to Manila today, popped a decolgen and a paracetamol then cleared my sinuses with Drixin. Drugs do wonders. ^_^ The plane ride was uneventful except for a little turbulence towards the end. I was surrounded by old people again. Strangley my plane seatmates are always either old people or babies. Not that i'm complaining about the pleasant pruney man who was seated next to me this morning, I prefer the old people to the babies any day.

I was feeling pretty chipper until the meds started to wear off a little after lunch time. Had to pass on a trip to the National museum T.T Gyarrrr.. Hopefully this cold doesn't last very much longer. Its a bit of a bummer to have to breathe through my mouth all the time. And my coherence is starting to suffer from the mucus coating my brain. Plus I have a long test in history to deal with this friday. *insert atempt to sigh which turned into a cough instead* I think I'll take more drugs now, thank you.

Character sketch...

2008-08-13T03:36:00.000-07:00

...for my (now level 3!) Dwarven Cleric Dungeons and Dragons Character. I decided to give myself 30 minutes before I start flogging my brain with budgets and costing again. *offers up a silent prayer to the great Sir MauMau, pleading for an easy 2nd Accounting 101 long test* This also serves as an outlet for my frustration at not having been able to join the Dumaguete campaign. >.< Rawr.

Character Name: Garrhel Gender: Female Race: Dwarf Class: Cleric
Alignment: Neutral Height: 4'8" Weight: 237 pounds (SOLID haha)
Deity: Sehanine

Ability Scores: Defense:
Strength: 12 AC: 18
Constitution: 12 Fort: 11
Dexterity: 14 Ref: 12
Intelligence:10 Will: 16
Wisdom: 18
Charisma: 15 HP: 34

Feats: Weapons:
Ritual Caster Warhammer: 1d10+5
Astral Fire Flaming great sword: 1d10+1d6 continuos fire damage
Dwarven Weapon Training

Spells: Features:
Lance of Faith Turn Undead
Sacred Flame Divine Fortune
Divine Glow Healer's Lore
Cascade of Light Healing Word
Blazing Beacon

This is actually the second version of the character sketch. The original (which is on the page next to my caricature of Sir Badirri at the back of my Chinese notebook) had too much armor for a (at the time) 2nd level character so I decided to have another go at it. I got scolded by RJ when he saw the orginal size of the warhammer. XD So I got some reference pics (mostly WHO40K images) and now we have the monstrosity in the picture. The middle bit looks kinda girly imo but what the hell. Hmmm, I just realized that I forgot to draw the greatsword (Greatsword/Broadsword/Bastardsword (?)... basta I remember it was flaming :D hahaha hooray for loot) Might photoshop it in nalang when I get around to coloring this... After the 2 other things lined up in my projects folder- which has more stuff in it now! wheeee...

Ah well...now 5 minutes are all that seperate me from Indirect Overhead costpools and Cash Budgets and Scheduling. *cry*

The things they mean...

2008-08-08T01:24:00.000-07:00

Yawa na nasad ning passive aggressive na pagka-amaw. >.<

That aside it's passably interesting. (Which goes to show how bland school has made me. Gawd.)

- Kiss on the Upperchest: I'm ready.
- Kiss on the Forehead: We're cute together.
- Kiss on the Cheek: We're friends.
- Kiss on the Hand: I adore you.
- Kiss on the Neck: I want you, now.
- Kiss on the Shoulder: You're perfect.
- Kiss on the Lips: I think I like you.
_______________________________________

WHAT EACH GESTURE MEANS:

- Holding Hands: We definitely like each other.
- Touching on the Butt: You're fun.
- Holding you tight pressed against each other: I want you.
- Looking into each other's Eyes: I like you, for who you are.
- Playing with Hair: Let's fool around.
- Arms around the Waist: I like you too much to let go.
- Laughing while Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.
_______________________________________

ADVICE:

- If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in love.
_______________________________________

REQUIREMENTS:

- Post this again after reading or you will have a bad year of relationships.
_______________________________________

IF YOU (LIKE), (LOVE), OR (MISS) SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:

- and can't get them out of your head.

- then re-post this within One Minute and whoever you are missing will surprise you.

Ring around the rosies...

2008-08-04T05:13:00.000-07:00

... and other things that children sing without knowing what it really means.

. . . Isn't innocence grand?

Crunch

2008-07-30T18:42:00.000-07:00

A butterfly was fluttering around my ankles this morning. I watched it distractedly as it drew wobbly loops around my left leg. . . . . and promptly crushed a snail underfoot. So much for appreciating the beauty of nature.

It's raining now as I say a silent prayer of apology to its little snail soul while its guts and shell fragments are being washed off the walkway. Seriously though... I blame the butterfly.

Woke up this morning...

2008-07-28T06:30:00.000-07:00

...with a constipated look on my face after having a nightmare for the first time in years. It was almost 8 in the morning but since I'm in the dorm's west wing (char) it was still dark and rather cold from yesterday's rain and my turbo power fan whirring away from where it sits on my desk. I got out of bed and wandered over to the sink where Mylene was brushing her teeth. Most of the dream had slunk off back to whatever twisted part of my subconscious it had come from but the last few minutes were still fresh. And I wanted to get it out of my system. Mylene was a convenient dumpee and very understanding about it. Plus she couldn't complain since her mouth was full of toothpaste foam.

There was a narrator. He had a calm level voice with a moderate timbre, good for telling serious stories. His voice came from blow and to the left, as if he was crouching next to me, only that I never managed to see him. Then there was a girl. Very pretty. Fine, perfect features of Caucasian persuasion and rosy red cheeks. She was wearing a red dress that went perfectly with her jet black hair in the most clichéd color scheme imaginable. Her hair was wavy leaning heavily towards kinky but fine and soft. Of course, there was a guy. Probably handsome in the same clichéd manner that the girl was beautiful. They were married or something like it, giggly and in love. I don't remember a lot about him because he wasn't around for most of the dream.

At some point he just disappeared. The girl went around looking for him through the complex inner courtyards of a castle like structure calling to him with a voice I couldn't hear. Eventually she made her way out through a small wooden door, the kind with country-home-esque wrought Iron trefoil hinges and studded detailing. She made her way over a small green hill, the long-ish grass rippling in the wind around her ankles, and down into a cemented structure with a terracotta roof. You could see a field from the single window on the east wall that looked suspiciously like a cross between the soccer field in Sci-Hi and the quadrangle behind Mateo Rici. On the north wall there was a calendar and the girl stopped in the little hut and stayed there while the pages of the calendar started flying off one by one.

Someone was sending her information about the guy, for a price. The view panned out until I was standing some 5 meters away from the house apparently floating. The narrator rattled off what the calendar people were offering her and how much they were charging for it, the numbers printed in clean yellowish ink on the pages of the calendar as they flew into my field of vision. The tidbits got more and more expensive and I was wondering when she would get fed up with the extortion and forget about it. She never did.

The last page of the calendar had a huge number with an 8 in it and they were offering to bring her to where the guy was supposedly being held. They took her away in a tank like vehicle. It seems that the drivers were women. Two of them perched on the roof with the girl who was standing on the nose of the vehicle smiling in excitement, not really worried at all. One sat on the hatch as the other stood behind the girl with her gray robes covering her face in the manner of a Muslim woman's burkha. Her eyes were a very light shade of gray or icy blue. They drove for a long time over vast terrain as the narrator explained where they were headed. They reached a dirty brownish gray territory with twisted dead trees flanking them, growing out a sandy loam. Then they got to a lake.

The water was black and the tank rolled right in, being apparently amphibious. In the middle of the lake there was a building that greatly resembled a colonial school house with white wash walls, a dull blue roof and of course the little steeple with the school bell in it. The building was sinking into the lake, its black, strangely ripple-less surface casting a reflection of the building as it went under. Yellow orange tiger eyes looked up at them from beneath the surface as well. The woman with the cold eyes told the girl that her lover was being held captive in the building. For the first time panic marred her perfect features and the girl spun around quickly, intending to dive into the lake and try to rescue him. Three shots zipped past her ear and into the tiger eyes in the lake as she pulled her arms back, gathering momentum for her jump into the unfriendly looking waters. The older woman had pulled out a gun and was now pointing it threateningly at the girl.

Next thing I know, the girl has been shot and is falling into the water, the blood flowing out quickly and making the water the kind of black that’s really just a terribly dark shade of red. The narrator starts to explain, saying something that I don't remember in a disconcertingly calm manner. Then the girl is being dragged out of the lake, screaming in soundless agony, her pretty red dress now in tatters and stained the color of the water. Her face is ashen and her hair has become white and wiry; sticking out from her head like she'd been electrocuted. They keep dragging her in and out of the lake, something about putting the blood back in and getting the right amount. She lies on the shore screaming. Then for the first time in the whole dream, I hear her voice.

And she's screaming for me to kill her.

Awoooo...

2008-07-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

... goes the kiwig.

Okay so news of the day: I have been invited to contribute an illustration to the litsoc's Philippine Horror Anthology. :D keeewl. This effectively tripped my happy switch for about half an hour and I was bouncing around the dorm room on an endorphine high. (people who are this easy to please don't need heroine). I find the prospect of doing a project---a real honest to goodness one, not the ones I do just for myself... and usually don't finish *looks guiltily at the 4 half used sketchbooks on my dorm bookshelf*--- EXCITING. *Enter patented maniacal grin*

The kiwig, ladies and gentlemen is basically the Filipino equivalent of a werewolf. Specifically a she-wolf. This is all the information supplied by the project liason regarding the creature at present. My personal initiative's initial research revealed basically nothing. And no google, I did not mean kiwi. I guess it was rather naive of me to think that google would hold all the answers, even though it has never failed me before... Okay so maybe it has, but I can't remember what it was I was looking for in the first place so it probably wasn't that important... Turning from that which had forsaken me I went to another staple online source but wikipedia didn't have any love for me either. And by love I mean she-werewolf. hey that's a brand new definition of love O.o what do you say to that Sir Asis? Probably nothing since he doesn't have any information on kiwigs either I'll warrant.

When I rolled a knowledge check I remembered this book I had about Filipino monsters when I was little. One page per entry, with concise, matter of fact like statements and an illustration to go with them. I loved that book in the way that all small children love books about strange mystical creatures and beleive every word. There was an entry about Kapres and their penchant for tobacco sessions in mango trees. I watched the neighbor's scrawny carabao mango trees like a hawk for 2 days before my short attention span betrayed me. After reading about Santilmos I made a mental note to strip and turn my clothes inside out the next time my parents lost me at the mall (that's right Gani, blame the parents) and I harbored a deep mistrust for white chickens for a very long time. I still don't trust them but that has more to do with their beady little chicken eyes and little things like bird vermin than any realtion they might have with the occult. Unsurprisingly nothing kiwig related came to mind. (I probably rolled a 6)

Then I wised up and typed Philippine mythology...And got a whoping 3 viable links. Oh joy. And out of the three only one was an official paper (though I did appreciate Ms.Anesthesia Lambayoga's extremely informal (but very informative!) blogish type thing.) For such a potentially interesting topic, its disappointing how little information they have online.They have hundreds of thousands of porno websites on the web but next to nothing on Philippine mythology. and I'm not just saying this as someone who needs the info. Though that does greatly contribute to the reason... I mean, there is a deadline for this so I do have to get my hands on some good descriptions oh around nowish, please.

Which brings us to the other thing that was niggling at the back of my mind. It bothered me to think about how much I depend on google and resign myself to the results of this online search engine for my random information needs. And when it didn't yield immediate results I was disproportionately frustrated. I suppose It comes from being in an age hinged on immediacy and instant access. Don't get me wrong, I'm not averse to book hunting in the library--in fact I've been doing a lot of it lately as a beadle--but I'll also be the first to admit that had the google results not been so meager, I probably wouldn't have bothered with this time consuming alternative.

These days our patience is inversely proportional to the speed of the fastest available internet connection. We need to go here, do this, see that, hear it, know everything right this minute and -insert name of internet provider- be damned if it's going to get screwy on me again! Everything is saturated with a sense of urgency and caffeine crazed shreiks of now, Now , NOW ringing in our ears. There are still 24 hours in a day but so much more that you can/think you should/ feel you need to be doing. Then one day you take a step back and realize you've been running around like one of those iffy white chickens, your head shoved snugly between your buttcheeks, or long lost to a low hanging branch.

... from which a kiwig may or may not have plucked it but I wouldn't know since there isn't enough information about it on the internet. We do know that it can be killed with silver bullets just like a western werewolf, but who are we kidding? We're in the Philippines and we're too cheap for that shit. And anyway none of this helps in terms of coming up with a proper drawing of the thing. I want to do this right. Does it have unusually long claws? or long arms that go with the long claws? Is it extremely muscular perhaps? any strange furry protrusions? Is it even very furry at all or jus enough to be PG 13? I don't KNOW.

I will be in the library tomorrow trying to rectify this.

Beadle Beadle...

2008-07-17T06:03:00.000-07:00

..be me. I'm the Beadle for my PolSci class. I'm not sure whether or not to feel sorry for my classmates :D lol. I actually spend more time making posts for the yahoogroup than I do making blog entries for my multiply. O.o but they're just as loopy. Just to give you an idea of what kind of beadle I am (and because I don't really have anything more interesting to post at the moment)... here's this weeks update post.

Hey people,

More polsci related things for you to muddle over :)

First of all, the Fieldtrip Group updates: Don't forget that Sir needs to sign
your letters to the gov agency and the Polsci dept before you send
them out. Don't forget to address the dept letter to the Dean of the dept. her name is Mrs. Alma Salvador.

HoR (never mind how it sounds when you read it):
August 6 Wednesday, 3:30 pm.
Senate:
August 13 pending the approval of the Senate
S.C.:
Wednesday or a Friday in August pending approval
BIR:
July 31 Thursday pm----SCHOOL HOLIDAY! (St. Ignatius Day in case you
were wondering. Thank you Mr. Dead guy!)
Q.C. Gov:
Coordinating with the office of the mayor and/or the city council

For Tuesday (July 22):
We need to do a lot of things.
1. Read the Rebullida and Migdal Readings.
There are still copies with Ate Alma (I went back and left mine for
those who didn't get copies earlier this week) but they will be gone
by tomorrow cuz I kinda need to read them :P just text me nalang if
you still don't have a copy by the end of the day. That being said,
please DO have a copy at the end of the day. Save yourselves the load
and the hassle of having to hunt me down. It won't be easy. *hides behind a tree*

2. Read Sir's case files. Supposedly he'll be sending links so keep an
eye out for them.

3. Since we'll be discussing the separation of Church and State it is
highly advisable that you read through Section 6 and memorize the
little bold bits. Sir always announces quizzes but apparently his grilling-este-
recitation schedule follows no such constraints. Take today for
example. >_<*

4. Write your 2 page reflection paper.
Again, readings based reflection on "Is Democracy good for the
Philippines?", 2 pages, TNR, double spaced, font size 12. It's a great
chance to make up for the quizzes apparently.

On that note...

Entablado is presenting "TARONG: Tatlong Dula ng Pagtawid" They will
still be showing it next week and it's another opportunity for a bonus
paper. Dates for showing are 22,23,24,25 and 26 at 7 pm, with a 3 pm
showing on 26. I will be watching the show on the 25th. If you can't
go on the 25th (or if you just don't want to, because... DUH its a
FRIDAY NIGHT...) Don't worry, you can always make your own
arrangements. Or not. I mean, its not required or anything.
For those of you who wish to accompany me (char) Text me by Sunday and
I'll try to buy the tickets in bulk. And maybe we can have dinner or
something after. It is a Friday night after all ;P

Next, on July 30 Wednesday at 4:30-6:00 pm, there will be a plenary
session at Leong Hall entitled "Re-imagining Philippine Elections".
Unlike the Entablado paper this is REQUIRED. I don't know what they
can do to us if we don't go, but do you really want to find out? *cue
foreboding music* O_o;

Lastly, to Steve and Kurt: I have your quizzes. Just to satisfy my
inner pyromaniac, I plan to burn them. If you want them (or if you
want to burn them yourselves) text me by tomorrow night.

And just cuz I don't really know how to give this post a proper sense
of closure uuhhhh... Congratulations on surviving 6 weeks of polsci!
hahaha labo. @.@

Have a nice weekend guys :D

-GaNi-

Your Personality Type: The Groundbreaking Thinker

2008-07-10T08:06:00.003-07:00

Your Personality Type: The Groundbreaking Thinker

Posted using ShareThis

Feeling introspective or...

2008-07-10T04:26:00.000-07:00

Trying to avoid Tagalog philosophy readings? Can't it be both?

Semi-emo analogy...

2008-06-29T15:16:00.000-07:00

... taken from something I scribbled during a particularly dull moment in my mind-blowingly boring history class last week-->probably explains the emoness :P

The transfer of affections is a peculiar process that though abrupt in many ways is, in others, painfully slow.

There's a bright, shiny new toy in the nursery. A velveteen rabbit; still soft and immaculately clean,with both button eyes, securely fastened and peering out brightly at the world. Untouched, and still awe-inspiring. New and improved. On the other side of the room lies the ratty old teddy bear with its thick outer coat of dust, and its stuffing peeping through embarrassing tears. Loved to bits and so battered that it's held together only by the soft bits of the love that had worn it down in the first place.

Eyes clear, with an innocent sincerity, the perfect shy smile, and a shared quirky passion. He has never let me down, never driven me to rage, never hurt me. My velveteen rabbit is more perfect than you could ever be. But all this pales in the memories of the warmth of your embrace. My heart turns to face a new exciting love, but even as I turn away from you, a certain proximity exists and the ties of old remain strong--see through but strong.

The velveteen rabbit sits prettily, on display atop the shelf. I feast my eyes upon it and clutch the battered teddy bear to my chest: not quite detached enough to put the old one in storage and not quite brave enough to dirty the new one with my fingerprints.

Am I really...

2008-06-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

that taggable?? -.-' for those of you who actually bother to read the tiny blurb bit: Don't bother opening this, it's another tag post.

5 Random things you might not have known about me:

*I've recently taken to memorizing the opening/ending themes of anime that I really like. Not all of them obviously, I'm not that depraved.. *defensive* lol... My repotoire includes some of the themes from Bleach, Ouran high, Junjou Romantica (do not watch this. just listen to the theme songs...dili ko mu-elaborate...) Kyou Kara Maoh, Deathnote etc...

*Chinese food doesn't taste right to me unless I use chopsticks. Don't ask. I wouldn't be able to explain why.

*Bananas are my favorite fruit. It stems way back into my monkey child days. :P Particularly enjoyable when eaten with peanut butter (also a childhood favorite)

*I use sleep as a defense mechanism. When I don't feel well my body shuts down so I don't have to feel the pain. It's like anesthatizing myself. This is why I like sitting in the backseat, specifically by the window. In case of motion sickness it's easier to konk out.

*I have the strange habit of rereading the things I write (sometimes several times). Particularly the char things. Sometimes I'm surprised (not always pleasantly) that all that came out of me. *Thinks to self... how'd I come up with this sh*t?*

Tagged by Miss Zaki into posting 5 random things about myself... but I refuse to spread the "love" *staples a warding symbol for the tagging gods on dorm door* :P mleh.

Happenings...

2008-06-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

in my life the past 3 weeks

-Celebrated my oldness with some friends
I turned 18 on the 11th. It was kinda terrible though. Mrs. Antonia Santos, my 166 teacher, managed to bludgeon my love for history into an unfeeling pulp with her epic levels of boringness. I spent the better part of the day running around from department to department trying to fix my whacked up schedule (7.5 straight hours of classes every Tuesday cannot go unfixed). I got rained on. I had a 6-9 class, and some crazy Arab beat up someone I know. But when I got back to the dorm, tired and disgruntled, my dorm mates made it all better :) We had pizza, laughed and mucked around like we did in first year, and I got a surprise birthday cake. That last hour completely made up for the previous 15. :) (thank you to: Mylene, Crissy Pami, Tara, Joan, Janet, Claire, Dane, Jaki, Jo and Drea)

As funky as my actual birthday was, was just as great as my "debut" was. Logistics, and well, yeah, haphazard planning on my part, prevented me from bringing all my friends along (sorry scihi people : /)but it was a blast anyway. I was kinda worried at first since the group was composed of people from my different factions of friends i.e. they didn't know each other. O.o but after a day of ice skating, great food and even better conversation, my disparate group of friends.. became friends. And I really can't properly explain how happy that made me. but I was so happy that I was kinda out of it in the van on the way home. *turns to Tara at the back of the van* "Thank you for being my estrogen friend!!" ... yeah... :) I couldn't have asked for a better debut. (Thank you to: Tara, Beagle, Trish, RJ, Miggy, Fred, Chris, Yul, Anjo and Harvey-who popped up with Anjo but who I'm glad was there anyway)

The happiness continued on after that :P after dropping everyone off at Ateneo, Miggy, RJ, Trish and I, with the addition of Howie who we grabbed from Cervini on our way back out, headed to Miggy's house in Susana Heights for a night of DnD! The first session I've played in over a year. We were using the new 4.0: uber noob friendly and super fun. See our illustrious DM RJ's blog for details http://voynich.multiply.com/journal/item/101/Castle_Ruthven_Campaign_First_Session_Results And to cap it off, on the way back to the dorm with Trish, I got myself the latest Discworld novel in all its pretty paperback glory. Making Monet by Terry Pratchett. I haven't read it yet (so many things to read for SCHOOL!! ggaaaaahh! *drowns in photocopied readings*) but it's sitting prettily on my shelf... tempting me...

speaking of school though..
-So far, I've done caricatures of 5 of my 6 teachers
I'm just missing my Philo prof sir Pasco :D I don't think I'll be drawing him any time soon though. I can't afford to break concentration long enough to draw him because dude, its PHILO. and It's not just philo (usually that probably wouldn't be a problem), it's in TAGALOG O.O Whhuuut??! Yes, I am taking Philosophy 101 in Tagalog. If Sir Pasco wasn't so cool I'd be falling through the void in the abyss of utter despair right now. As it stands I'm having fun in his class. :)

-Discovered that my French Accounting classmate is a tard-face
He was my seatmate on the first day and looked terribly lost, what with all the people around him already engaged in conversations. So, being me, I wanted to be nice... and ended up making an ass out of myself trying to be friendly. when class was over he left without a word. This week, I helped him with the seatwork Sir Lim left us before leaving for his date (yes, our accounting prof has a social life which means we usually get off a little earlier. God bless him. :D) and not a word of thanks. I'm so glad Crissy took his place as my seatmate. I wouldn't want to get in trouble with the French Embassy for braining one of their citizens with a 2 inch thick cost accounting book.

-Did well on our first chinese oral exam
Yeay chinese 2! This dialogue was supposed to revolve around basic math in chinese...which is friggin hard. You have to translate the chinese into numbers, solve the problem, and re-translate the answer into chinese. your using the different halves of your brain for that too.. stress on the corpus collosum much :| but we did alright :) possible A? haha ;p

-Have been turned into the personal assistant of my PolSci professor
He has me hunting for books by Barack Obama. *phone rings late at night*
Me: "Uh, Hi Sir, what is it?"
Sir : "I was wondering if you could borrow these books..."
Me: "Oh, ok. By when should I have the photocopies for class?"
Sir: "Oh no, these are for my personal use."
Me: "Ah..."

-Joined 5 orgs
Yeaaaahhh.. I might have been a little overzealous with the sign-ups :P but I really do want to be active in all of these orgs (impossible as that is) I joined:
*Celadon- I'm a comm and pub project manager this year (for the art workshop)
*Apart- visual arts collective
*FAS- Freelance Art Society
*CAPES- Comic Appreciation Publication and Education Society
*Toujin- basically an anime club :P
I see a pattern... hahaha. I've really gotten into drawing again (looks at the list of orgs.. no shit Sherlock...) and progress has been made if I do say so myself. I've still got a lot to learn but hey, I'm actively pursuing something that makes me happy :)

So yeah, my heavily edited, 3 weeks in a nutshell. I have backlog, my corner of the world has gained the resemblance of a war zone again and I'm basically an insomniac but all in all the past 3 weeks have been good, and I just expect it to get better. :)

Optimistic me is back ;P

How much do you know...

2008-06-24T21:45:00.000-07:00

...about the strange and elusive creature known as the Gani bear?

I find it funny when people say that I'm really popular and have a buttload of friends. I don't think I have that many friends at all. not real ones anyway :P So, since I'm bored and this looks potentially amusing... here we go :) Are you my friend or lumped under friendly acquaintance?

Create your own Friend Test here

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/1806059

Can you hear...

2008-06-19T08:29:00.000-07:00

...stole this from my friend RJ. It's kinda like that game I played with Anjo, Tara and Magsy on one of our spur of the moment laags. It's hilarious how fitting random things can be sometimes. This one doesn't have the "What's your stripper song" question though :P Tara='ako si M16' XD as they say "benta, pare!" haha lol, peace dear :P

Directions: Open your choice of music player and put it on SHUFFLE. Press PLAY. For every question, type the song thats on. When you go to a new question press the next button.

Opening Credits: "Hands Open" by Snow Patrol
"It's not as easy as willing it all to be right. Gotta be more than hoping it's right" Optimism isn't enough anymore. lol :P

Waking Up: "Gone" Switchfoot
"...like summer break is gone, like saturday is gone." ...Waking up on a monday ;p slightly lethargic feel to the song haha... plus, the long twitchy intro with the confused level mixes is sort of like the first thirty minutes of my day.. spent in and out of consciousness.

Average Day: "Miles apart" Yellowcard
"Now we've all grown up, gone on and moved away. Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say" ...says the college junior. Shit. scary thought.

First Date: "Goodbye to you" Michelle Branch
"Of all the things I believed in. I just want to get it over with" ... bad first date huh? lol xp

Falling In Love: "Head Over Feet" Alanis Morisette

"You've already won me over in spite of me" ... dili na lang ko mu comment.. -.-;

Fightscene: "Seasons of Love" Stevie Wonder/Rent Cast
"...In times that he cried, in the bridges he burned or the way that she died!" <-- only violent bit in the song lol...uh.. broadway musical sing off!! xp

Breaking Up: "Ava Adore" Smashing Pumpkins
"We must never be apart".. someones getting dumped :P slightly depraved quality to the music.. hmmm :P

Getting Back Together: "Feel it" Blackeyed Peas
O.o neh?

Secret Love: "Wouldn't it be nice" Beach boys

"...And wouldn't it be nice to live together In the kind of world where we belong" hahaha warm fuzzy feelings abound ! lolz :D

Life's Okay: "What I believe" Sum 41

"I guess that's just what I believe" optimitstic cop-out. lol I guess I do believe that lifes okay :P

Mental Breakdown: "Grow old with you" Adam Sandler
Hahaha! Love destroys all logcal thought process. And then you go and throw senility into the mix :P lulz..

Driving: "Maybe it's just me" Butch Walker - A lot like love OST
I can imagine warbling this song with friends as you speed down SLEX on a starry more than less sabog roadtrip night :P

Learning a Lesson: "Looking for a Wall" Smahmouth
"So kill your T.V. and kill your phone Be quiet and be alone with you" I like this. Sometimes we just need to be able to shut ourselves off from all the distractions our senses get flogged by on a daily basis and just learn to be alone with ourselves an our thoughts. Have a conversation with the voices in your head!!! hahaha... :)

Deep Thought: "I can see clearly now" Snuff -Muppets Treasure Island OST
"I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way" I see the light! Hahaha... hmmm my deep thoughts sound really babaw and happy though lolz..

Flashback: "I've Got A Dark Alley And A Ba" FallOut Boy
Haha, one of their non-mainstream songs :D kacha!! "..force a smile, baby's half dead, from comparing myself to everyone else around me" self-concious MH days :P

Partying: "relaxmusic" Ryan
By party I assume you mean the kickass ones that I hold in my head. Strictly RSVP you understand ;p

Happy Dance: "Chelsea Dagger" The Fratellis
"Dohdadoododahdohdodadohdadoo, do, dodahdododahdodahdoh!!! ... 3x" need I say more? :D

Ok, so the secret's out, I'm a sneaky devil. Lol.

Regretting: "Bad Day" Daniel Powter
Strangely enough this is actually one of my happy songs. The music video is adorable. :) The vibe I get from this song is sort of like, "Awww, that sucked...screw it. lalala" Regret isn't something to dwell on. :)

Long Night Alone: "Buloy" Parokya ni Edgar
Hmmmm... happy go lucky as a front for hella depressed... sounds familiar. yuck emo moment. Shet... suicide song O.o;

Death Scene: "When You're around" Motion city soundtrack

"...I can't f*cking stand it, when you're around..." hmmm not my death scene apparently... *holds chainsaw in a contemplative manner*

Closing Credits: "You live, you learn" Alanis Morisette

atay. char ba -.-; where did I get this??

Note to self...

2008-06-15T21:40:00.000-07:00

...
Read accounting: to make sure I don't maintain retard status in the mind of my french seatmate
Read Polsci: cuz Sir Baddiri is annoying and I want to one up him
Review chinese: in order to uphold my honor as a cai laoshi de xuesheng
Organize my quarter of the room: so I can move again
Read making money: because I need my fix
Download PHB 4.0: and try to twink my cleric
Sketch: to up happiness levels
Download junjou theme: becuase its retardedly happy
Dance the makarena: just to freak my roommate out

short list of things to do, made for the sake of eating up time while I wait for a lull in the rain- my signal to make a mad dash back to the dorm where proper posts about my weekend (which was uber awesome thank-you-very-much) After I do the first 4 things on the list cuz those are kinda important. :P

Look! a lull!!! *quick post and runs away*

Labo...

No guts no glory...

2008-06-12T04:42:00.000-07:00

...though really, there has to be something more awe inspiring than someones intestinal tract.
but what can you do? I set a pasive aggressive trap a couple of posts back. Now I've fallen into one myself. And at this point, so have you. You'll understand later... I apologize.

---

Statistically speaking, unless you are a total hermit, a social retard, or ugly as a putrid bum, there is at least one person in your multiply network that has a crush on you, wants to date you, wants to sleep with you, or simply just wants to kiss you.

So... let's play "No Guts, No Glory!"

The rules are simple.

If you want to date the person who posted this, send a Personal Message, not a reply to this post, saying "Coffee?"
If you have a crush on the person who posted this, send a Personal Message saying "You're hot!"
If you just want to sleep with them & stay friends, send them a message that says "Nice shoes!"
If you simply just wants to kiss the person who posted this, send a Personal Message saying, "I do!"

SCARED?

The only rule is that, you must not make anyone who sends you a personal message feel stupid for feeling that way about you. Acknowledge. Say thank you. Move on.

IF YOU'VE READ THIS, YOU HAVE TO REPOST THIS, EVEN IF YOU'RE TAKEN & see who replies.

SO... re-post this as "No Guts, No Glory", as it doesn't matter if you're married, in a relationship, or single. You opened it so you HAVE to repost it! A test of your bravery...

C'mon! No Guts, No Glory! :D

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As a self proclaimed social retard, the only thing that'll come of this post is that a bunch of people'll get kinda tagged, possibly annoyed, or maybe amused.

----

I need sleep again...

The Gani bear...

2008-06-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

...lumbers towards the back of her cave and pauses in front of an irregular shape protruding from behind a mass of vines that have long since established themselves as a rather permanent type of wallpaper. The old mirror's corner pokes out from under the growth and deftly, with pinky claw extended, she pulls aside the plant's twiney weed arms, freeing the mirror from the vege embrace. The mirror's surface has lost its lustre in the battle with mold and a strange unnamed funggus whos cap resembles a squishy corkscrew. And long scratches run down the one straight edge, from when the mirror had first been dragged into her cave through the forest from the wreckage of a gypsy cart. (violent things happen when a mule's sensitive nose is subjected to the equally violent smell of unwashed gypsy underpants). The gani-bear huddles up to the mirror, her cold nose almost touching the glass as she squints at herself; trying to spot the difference.

There is none.

Struck by the feeling of anti-climax the gani-bear plops down on her fluffy bear bum and purses her lips (which the mirror showed her, was a rather peculiar expression on a bear.) Then she shrugs her shoulders gets up and finishes the insane amount of homework for a first day back to school.

I remember mom saying once that I was born at 2o'clock in the morning. That was exactly 18 years ago :) Happy Birthday to me! nyarharhar. I've just hit a major milestone but I'm a bit too swamped with stuff to appreciate it right now I guess. Haven't slept more than 3 hours in the last 22, and I had 7 and a half hours of consecutive classes. Crazy schedules, planning an outing, finding out my philosophy 101 is in TAGALOG (I almost cried. no shit... DEFINITELY have to load rev), making an idiot out of myself (me and my social retard tendencies) side projects and hoho my teachers decide to give me homework in lieu of a birthday present. Cheap bastards. I guess the numbness from that could explain the lack of a "WOAAOW IM EIGHTEEN!! O.O" vibe.

Then again, it could be that nothing has changed. I mean, i can legally vote, drink, drive, get married, be tried as an adult. But I'm still me.

It sounds char but its kinda boring :P I was so ready for something mighty and all powerful to pop out of my belly button and give me super powers.

...

I need sleep.

Reawakening

2008-05-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

Oh look at that... its a proper title. nyahaha. For once I'm not free-writing a post. This one has a purpose! Shocking? hoho... but first a little backstory.

A little over one year ago, my sister and a few of her friends (who are at present my friends as well... gikawat/ankon nako yehey) spent the summer in Manila as cross reg students in U.P. Diliman. Under the overwhelming influence of the male members of the group (RJ, Jego.. hooray for contagious addiction :D) the female element got sucked into the mind blowingly awesome world of... Dungeons and Dragons.

To those of you who think that DnD is geeky/nerdy/lame... you are requested to leave this post and bugger off immediately on pain of heavy bludgeoning from a 1d4 19-20/x2 critical club with a +3 melee attack bonus... I also have the option of biting you.

As you can probably tell, I was sucked into the game as well. though really I'm still at the ultra noob level... Character gen still takes a while (especially the combat stats) and I've only played 2 campaigns over 3 sessions. Since the group disbanded at the end of summer and retreated to their various provinces, I haven't had anyone to play with. *retreats to sulk in the corner of the playground clutching the PHB*
My entire first sem was a desolate, accounting and calculus stricken wasteland devoid of the sublime joys of RPing. Thus I drifted away from the game, the pdf files for the core books -- in the CD my brother had thoughtfully included in my care package -- left unopened. Recently though, I've been feeling tugs and flashed opportunities to start playing again.

Firstly, I discovered (quite by accident) a number of people in my network, outside of the original group, who play the game. And couple of weeks ago, I was informed of a monthly gaming con-- Residencia 8888 pearl drive ortigas center. (I missed the May session though.. NSTP haunts me still) and I will miss the June session, since I will be physically estranged from Manila at the time of the con. I have resigned myself to that but find solace in the thought that it is after all once a month, so its not that bad :)
Also, RJ is planning to set up a campaign based on his Castle Ruthven post http://voynich.multiply.com/journal/item/62/The_Castle_Ruthven?replies_read=36. If my computer weren't such a temperamental bitch (vistaaaaaa why??) and I didn't have finals to fuss over, I'd have generated my character and intro already. but it seems those will have to wait a bit... just a bit :)

And now, I give you the reason for my post.

Hear ye, Hear ye! Game Crab Boardgame Cafe will be hosting a FREE
Gaming Weekend on June 13 & 14. From 11am to 10pm (for these 2 days),
everyone gets to play for FREE! Please visit
http://gamecrabcafe.com/ for more details!

Game Crab is found in Katipunan Avenue, in front of Ateneo, just above the Yellow Cab restaurant.

One of RJ's friends is going to be helping out with the D&D intro runs. It's like a slightly belated birthday present or something...

I'm glad you can't see how wide my smile is right now. It's scary. :D

Awake...

2008-05-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

...at an ungodly hour for the umpteenth time this week. My sleeping patterns are shot to hell no doubt about it. They have been for a while really. I get out of bed at 7 in the morning for class, putter around in a half-daze til noon, loose conciousness around an hour later and wake up in time for my roommate's evening pre-slumber ritual. I've been feeling a bit lonelier than usual lately, but then again thats probably to be expected from someone who wakes up in time to say goodnight to the rest of the world.

But it's more than that.

A lot of my friends are making preparations to leave. Several of my good friends are running around trying to get their papers for the Junior Term Abroad, one is leaving for Canada with his family, another just graduated this year, one's going to the States to pursue evolutionary psych, and yet another is heading back to study in Cebu. Permanent or otherwise, is it really childish of me to confess that I feel like I'm being abandoned with so many of my friends leaving? Probably.
I've never been good at goodbyes. I don't like having to be the one to end conversations, hang up the phone or walk away from a friend after a night out together. At partings I use expressions like "take care" and "ingat" "see you" or "good night" when applicable. "Drive safely" became a standard once I started getting dropped off at the dorm by college friends with cars. Contractions like "bye" and "buhbye" are easier to say too. Nothing so final or formal as a goodbye.
goodbyes always give me this peculiar feeling. The image that comes to mind is of the tiny, almost imperceptible pop of a disconnect as a suction cup is being pulled off of a glass pane. A miniscule internal bubble bursting and releasing a propportionate sense of loss. I wonder how big these bubbles will be. I wonder what it will feel like to say goodbye to friends I won't see for half a year, knowing that when they get back they'll probably be different. . .I wonder what a real, honest to goodness I'm-never-going-to-see-you-again goodbye is going to feel like. I wonder what I'm going to feel then.. when I already feel so alone now.

Or maybe the lack of sleep is just screwing around with my hormones, and making me all morose and moody. That at least I can do something about. So I close my eyes, curl up in my ridiculously plush bed with Francis the Frog tucked safely in the crook of my arm, and hope that things will seem better in the morning.

...or afternoon, depending on when I wake up.

"Oww.."

2008-05-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

"..What's this?" says the Gani-Bear. She pulls the dart from her rump as a jeep screeches away; maniacal laughter trailing in its wake. Perplexed, she examines the pointed object in her claws and squints at the words "Tag! Love, Crissy." printed along its length, in elegant, curling script. "Huh.." She hobbles off to her cave with the awkward gait of someone who has recently been shot in the ass, selects a double barreled shot gun and shoots the following 11 people before surreptitiously running away into the forest:
Tara, Dea, Aids, Alyx, Ara, Claire, Joan, Trish, Mel, Andrew, Ishee

And here ends the extended metaphor.

This is another (uber long) tag post that I'm going to indulge in since 1. According to the rules of engagement, those tagged cannot refuse. and 2. I'm hiding from my histo reading assignment. shhhhhh... So anyway, rules say: Answer all questions and change one that you don't like for one of your own, and tag 11 other people who can do nothing but submit to your tagging authority. You're probably thinking, "Samuka oi, 11 pa jud ka tao iyang gi damay" (edit: or you would if you were bisaya) The thing is, the rules don't say that I have to tell them they've been tagged; so unless they find out on their own, I don't think they really have to do anything about me tagging them. So they're safe as long as they don't read my blog, and therefore I'm not doing as much damage as the people who started this would like. Haha take that.. (passive aggressive resistance? :) what for, I have no idea...) anyway on with the post "proper" (though when my posts are ever proper is oh about... never.)

1. If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?
If he (hypothetically) betrayed me I'd (hypothetically) rip out his guts and use them to decorate a Christmas tree as prescribed in old Germanic tribal tradition....hypothetically..

2. What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
Be honest about it, introduce them to the concept of squelching and try my best to avoid being alone with them.

3. What's your take on same-sex marriages?
These people love each other enough for the technicalities and problems of their union (in a society oppossed to it) not to bother them and they laugh in th face of convention. I salute.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Yes, very much so.

5. What's your ideal lover like?

Hooo boy thats a whole 'nother post altogether... ;p

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
Being loved by someone. You can never truly love if you've never been loved so the cycle of "blessedness" starts there.

7. If the person you like does not accept you, will you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
No. That's just sad, and demeaning. Squelch and move on to better, happier things. Getting hung up over someone who doesn't return your affections is a grand (and rather painful) waste of time.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Back away. As a rule I try to avoid conflict and this is just a shitstorm waiting to happen.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Yes. See previous post for details.

10. What do you want most in life?

Can we put this question on hold until I find out? :)

11. Is being tagged fun?
The fun-ness waxes and wanes but its generally an amusing way to kill time, yes.

12. If you found out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?

I really can't imagine this happening since my friends are loyalists and one of my best friends is a guy... (THAT would be hella awkward). I'd probably be hurt, angry, and refuse to speak to either of them for quite some time. After I allow them to explain, my bestfriend would probably be let off the hook but I wouldn't be as warm towards the ex-boyfriend anymore.

13. Who is currently the most important person to you?

I don't rank the people in my life, thats sort of a retarded thing to do. If I had to it would probably be my mom though.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Oh dear, how to quantify a Crissy? hohumm...She's sweet first and foremost. A wellspring of warmth, love, and affection for her friends and family (who play a huge part in her life) She's generous to a fault even with people she doesn't really care about. At times she can be excitable and obsessive (Regine... cough.. cough) but when you need her to be there for you she sobers up, sits you down, and really, really listens to you. She gives good advice and great hugs too ^.^ She's one of the best kind of friends anyone could ask for. (char char char! virtual hug dear ^.^)

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

Can I be middle class and engaged? :) haha but seriously, between the two? Single and rich. Being single is relatively easy to remedy if you ever decide to go that way but poverty puts undue stress on a marriage and I'm just saying that getting married when you aren't able to comfortably support yourselves (or the family you will presumably start) is like shooting yourself in the foot.

16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, what would you do/how would you react?
Re-introduce myself and good-naturedly poke fun at his bad memory. If he consistently fails recognition tests I'd eventually have to declare him a turd for brains.

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
Of course not. I'd like to think that I'm more well rounded than that. Putting all of your focus on any single thing isn't healthy... moreso for a relationship which, lets face it, isn't the most meritous thing in the world. You'll just end up burning yourself out and getting upset at your partner (who you will probably perceive as not putting as much into the relationship as you ...because he isn't)

18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
Given that their merits balance out in such a way that it becomes impossible for me to decide in any objective sense and them being equal in all other unquantifiable things... I'd have my family and friends pick who they think is best for me. I trust that they know me and care about me enough to make the right choice when I can't.

19. What type of friends do you like?
Neurotic, interesting, and generally intelligent people. All of my really good friends, the people I click with the most, are at least a little bit of all three :) They're nice too of course, but that's a given really.

20. What's your take on Machiavellian ideals/Would you kill a child to save the world?
(this is my question by the way...I though the pranking one was sort of retarded) This stems from one of the plot lines from "looking for group" a webcomic based on WoW that I follow semi-religiously. Personally, I think Machiavelli had a point and most of us are Machiavellian, if in a bland way, almost every single day. When you tell white lies for example, the morally wrong means of dishonesty are justified by the overall good end of keeping the peace etc. And I know a lot of you're gonna get pissed but yes, I would kill a child to save the world. Not that it wouldn't be hard. I wouldn't be human if it wasn't hard and it's not like I have a god complex or anything. But think of it this way, If I don't kill him/her the world ends and they die anyway.

*shrug* I'm cold and twisted that way I guess (and looking over my other answers, it would seem, completely unromantic as well). Post ends here, since I can't possibly put off histo any longer. I'd actually like people to comment on the last question... I might make a seperate post when there's more time.

Eh? what's this? ...

2008-05-11T20:31:00.000-07:00

Sooo...

2008-05-08T00:13:00.000-07:00

I find that its easier to make the title of the blog the first word/words of the first sentence than to come up with a proper title for a post whose content is at this point in time unknown to me. Add to that the fact that even when the whole thing is typed out it'll just be random, disjointed and confusiong anyway and you'll probably excuse me for being too lazy to flagellate the squishy mass in my skull into coming out with a proper title.

Also, I found out just the other day that I can't write a comic script for shit. Not that anyone would, actually write a comic script for shit that is... But well yes. I was extremely upset with myself for several hours, as the sudden appearance of a great number of gnaw marks on various objects with me at the time seems to suggests (My ballpen in particular will never be the same again) My childish side emerged and I ended up sulking for a while but I'm over it now. Which means I'll probably try to take another stab at it? -.-; ...and here I thought that I didn't go in for self flagellation...

In case you were wondering, (You probably weren't but that's why I said "in case") I'm trying to write an adaptation for Hans Christian Andersen's "The Tinderbox" for a comic workshop I want to join. It's a terrible story really. A random soldier kills an old lady, then makes off with the cash and her granny's tinderbox. He then proceeds to spend all the money and once broke discovers that the tinderbox summons supernatural doggie servants with freaky eyes. He "falls in love" with a princess and in the end he gets her parents killed, marries the princess and gets himself appointed as king. I know I read it when I was a kid... it just didn't seem so horrifying then. (Isn't that always the way?)

I know what my adaptation will be like, hell I even made character sketches. It's just the actual writing it out that bothered me. Carl had his last week, and we read it, and it was very good. Which only belies the fact that when I reread what I wrote, a blazing red, all caps "CRAP" floats around in my minds eye.

I'm going to start drawing again to make myself feel better. In particular I want to redraw my little experiment from last sem. Shameful and meritless though it was, it made me ridiculously happy. (Though really, its often the meritless things that bring the purest form of simple joy) I'll probably get myself a fresh drawing book for it :) yeay... haha just thinking about preperations already has the corners of my mouth twitching. Or maybe its just the fact that I love buying art supplies..

But before any of that I have to read through about 60 pages of history (;_-_ )<---(this is an upside down -.-;... cuz I supposedly fell over... baaaahhh whatever...) I apologize for the inanity of this post. Particularly to those who were expecting my first post in about 2 weeks (do such people exist??! nah...lol) my internet is shot (again... smart bro is a complete bitch I swear) and RSF is closing soon so I guess this is it for now.

As a last note I'd also like to apologize for all the annoying asides. my thoughts tend to go off on a tangent when I'm stressing.

unique is a euphimism for...

2008-04-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

Weird. Yes, I am, thank you for noticing.

In an attempt to reveal the colorful eccentricities in the personalities of each and every individual with access to the internet, this online sharing exercise is being passed around. It goes something like this...

1. Having been tagged you are now obliged to publicize 6 of your minor quirks or peculiarities for the general amusement of those people who read your blog and, in particular, the person who tagged you in the first place.

2. After this you are further obliged to visit this experience on 6 of your friends who will eventually write similar entries for the general amusement of.... well, you, this time. Do this by informing them of this chain entry via guestbook memo. Then guide them to your entry for further instructions.

3. Interperet these basic guidelines in your own words.

6 weird things about me, not arranged in order of weirdness :P

1. I keep a surgical blade stashed in one of the compartments of my wallet.

Why, you ask? Because it's more convenient than lugging around a pair of scissors, plus I use it to sharpen pencils :) Its a little nasty looking, covered in lead and a little rusted on the flat side so I'll probably replace it with a new one when I get back home.. I have a box-full :D I like that it freaks people out just a bit when I pull it out. I think it does anyway nyahaha... :p

2. Sometimes I see people and think of them as the possible gene-spliced love children of a same sex couple (usually composed of friends and aqcuaintances..)

For example, I saw a random guy in the lib yesterday and thought, "If Harvey and Anjo had a kid (dont ask me how) it'd look like him" this also happens with female pairings. like the Rose-Pami love child that Rio dated(?). She had a face that was Rose shaped as well as Rose's eyes and Pami's nose. It's pretty hilarious sometimes. So if you see me giggling to myself at you, don't take offense. You didn't do anything particularly wierd.. I've probably just figured out whose love child you'd be.

3. I wear clip on earrings.

Because I don't have ear holes. Or rather, I have ear holes for the ear canal and all that but not the standard earlobe piercings. I grew up as a Seventh Day Adventist and my grandparents are pretty hard core SDAs... they sort of have it in for peircings of any kind it being morally wrong, "defiling the temple of God!" and all that. So I never got them when I was a tiny bebeh... and now that I have the option of getting them I really don't see the need.

4. My right pinky toe has been dislocated.

I did several successful sumersaults before popping the tiny joint though so its all good hehe :P I landed the wrong way while jumping on a trampoline in Cagayan de Oro last sembreak. hahaha.. bugo much. I thought that it would be fine so I didn't have it looked at right away and the day after my pinky had ballooned into this huge hemorrhage riddled digit. I didn't get back home to Cebu until a couple days after but by that time it wasn't bothering me so much anymore so I thought I'd let it slide... then this tiny girl with a huge ass maleta runs over my toe (I still wonder what the heck she had in there). So maybe it wasn't dislocated before but it sure was after that lol...

5. I have a glasses fetish :)

For me, practically any guy's cuteness factor jumps up 10% if he puts on a pair of glasses. I think I've had it since I was really little since my first crush ever wore glasses. :P I think nerdy looking peple are adorable. sue me. Current glasses clad love is Justin Pierre from Motion city soundtrack (which is also one of my fave bands...) He isn't conventionally cute at all but I love him anyway :D and he gets even more plus points since he sings (really well) AND plays the guitar (really well) AND is funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAO8jKMm8Wc&NR=1 guess which one :) lol...

6. I tapdance.

And I'm good at it too heh :P took it up for p.e. 2nd year first sem and it sort of stuck... I still know the steps for our final performance and can tap in time when you play the Ryan and Sharpay verion of HSMs "what I've been looking for" :) (fallap, fallap, fallap, ball change...)

There you have it. I'm a quirky person... and so are you!!!
I tag: Aids, KM, Dea, Ishee, Trish, and Ara :) nyarharhar :P

and the verdict is...

2008-04-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

4:30 in the morning... have to be up in 2 hours anyway and if I doze off now Ill be in log mode til noon. So i bide my time in the wee hours of the morning with stolen blog surveys... this one being from Mark's blog

Danced on a table in a bar? ~ innocent

Ever told a lie? ~ guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can't have back? ~ guilty

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? ~ guilty (settle down pervs, it wasn't like that)

Kissed a picture? ~ guilty

Slept in until 5 PM? ~ guilty

Fallen asleep at work/school? ~ guilty

Held a snake? ~ guilty

Been suspended from school? ~ innocent

Worked at a fast food restaurant? ~ innocent

Stolen from a store? ~ guilty

Been fired from a job? ~ innocent

Done something you regret? ~ guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? ~ guilty

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? ~ innocent

Kissed in the rain? ~ innocent

Sat on a roof top? ~ guilty

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? ~ guilty

Shaved your head ~ innocent

Slept naked? ~ guilty (when I was a bebeh I think)

Had a boxing membership? ~ innocent

Made your boyfriend/girlfriend cry? ~ innocent

Been in a band? ~ innocent

Shot a gun? ~ guilty (pellet)

Donated Blood? ~ innocent

Eaten alligator meat? ~ innocent

Eaten cheesecake? ~ guilty

Still love someone you shouldn't? ~ innocent (squelch :))

Have/had a tattoo? ~ guilty

Liked someone, but will never tell who? ~ guilty

Been too honest? ~ guilty

Ruined a surprise? ~ guilty

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you cant walk afterwards? ~ guilty

Erased someone in your friends list? ~ innocent

Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy)or man's clothes (if your a girl)? ~ guilty

Joined a pageant? ~ guilty (under duress)

Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? ~ guilty

Had communication w/ your ex? ~ innocent

DATING Someone? ~ innocent

Get totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning? ~ innocent

A total stranger treat you by paying your jeepney fare? ~ innocent

Get totally angry that you cried so hard? ~ guilty

so much for resolve

2008-04-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

I stare at the screen, as it sits there in all its fluorescent glory. Taunting me.

*Gani gapes at the screen*
"That's it?"

"yup"

"That's IT??"

"uh-hu"

"Four and a half hours of eliciting my full emotional investment, and THAT'S how it ends??!"

"that's right"

"Ay pota..."

"Funny isn't it?"

That was an excerpt from the conversation I had with my laptop after finishing the latest manga series to have caught my fancy. I knew it would end like that. Really. After a while these things become painfully predictable... but I can't help but get emotionally invested anyway. But you know what? I've had just about enough of this. My indulgence in this form of escapism has come to an end! I'm not going to submit myself to being yanked around by my manga fan-girl heartstrings any longer! I won't set myself up for disappointment care of another half-assed bittersweet ending ever again! I refuse to invest any more time or emotion... they're not even real!!!!

A week from now

*Gani sidles up to her laptop*

"What, back for more already?"

"Shut up..."

Killing time

2008-03-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

There's so much to do. Finals week in 3 days and it will be hell. I know this -how can I not- but lethargy has latched on to me like the suckers of an enraged octopus (I hear that they can shlock on and be pretty much impossible to budge if they really want to) The part of my extra sensory perception devoted to picking up that sense of impending doom is basically shot. The doom is very much impending but there isn't even a blip on the radar. All I've been doing is killing time... Funny expression really...

Killing time.
To hold time by the neck, hanging him over the edge of the tallest building you can find, squeezing and squeezing until you can see the tears in his eyes and that annoying vein that pops out of your forehead. He’ll kick and he’ll wheeze and you’ll laugh. Laugh out loud, because you’re killing time. And as the lifeless stumps of his fingers drop from their vain clawing at your hand, and as his eyes glaze over you will know that it has finally been done. You can get on with all that truly matters in life since you no longer have the option of killing time. You can no longer kill time because time, is dead.
His head lolls back on his now limp neck and you let go. Let him fall. Watch him fall, turning over and over and blurring in and out of focus, convulsing in some strange time warp like blur, in and out of sight until somehow, all the way from the top of that empty shell of a building, you hear him hit the pavement with the ominous tock of a grandfather clock and what remains disintegrates with the rushing sound of sand flowing through an hourglass. And the winds will come and blow time away, the little bits of him flying, carried on the wind swirling in sad beautiful arcs and dips, now and then catching the glint of the dying rays of the six o'clock sunset.

hooray for free writing excercises. Another 20 minutes have slipped by.

sets of three

2008-03-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Steph
2. Gani
3. Gan

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. chubbie_ness
2. s_gtornilla
3. prosepusher

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Height
2. smile --- I will never submit to braces!! lol
3. eyes

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. fatness- arms most especially
2. broad shoulders
3. wide feet O.o --- makes shoe shopping a bother..

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Filipino
2. Spanish
3. Chinese

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. deep brackish water
2. my fecklessness
3. falling short

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. sleep
2. food
3. air

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW:
1. shirt
2. shorts
3. undies

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS: (right now)
1. Jason Mraz
2. Fallout boy
3. Motioncity soundtrack

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (RIGHT NOW):
1. rescue me- science of sleep soundtrack
2. Apologize--mostly cuz of jabbawockeez
3. Tough to have a crush- OK Go

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Conversation
2. Laughter
3. Affection

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
1. I am addicted to manga scanlations
2. I can survive without sleep as long as I have coffee
3. I've had two dislocations

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. smile
2. voice
3. glasses

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. reading
2. drawing
3. anime

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. draw
2. read manga scanlations
3. hug someone

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:
1. Architect
2. Entreprenur
3. children's book illustrator/animator

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Biliran
2. Anilao
3. Japan

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Morgan
2. Nathan
3. Daniel

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Scuba dive
2. find true love
3. acheive contentment

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. gray's anatomy makes me cry
2. I like getting dressed up
3. I'm affectionate

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I can get really messy
2. I think diets are for whackjobs
3. I enjoy watching combat violence (UFC)

THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Ara
2. Dea
3. Yuk

See the lie

2008-02-28T17:33:00.000-08:00

Good relationships are based on trust, which develops over time when you tell each other the truth. But there is always that instance where a lie seems to be the best recourse. Just a tiny one, just this once... It's not as easy as it sounds...That's because whenever we experience a basic emotion, the muscles in our face automatically express that emotion. The better your poker face is, the faster you can regain composure and the less noticable your show of emotion is, but even if you need electric sensors to pick up on it, in that fraction of a moment, the truth comes out: literally written all over your face. Your face can't lie.

"Are you okay?"

No hesitation. If you hesitate, they suspect. Lie to yourself so that you can convincingly lie to others.

"Of course I am."

I flash an action unit 12, willfully pulling my zygomatic major into submission. You seem mollified even though my orbicularis oculi, and pars orbitalis are frozen in a tell tale way that should alert even the least observant to my insincerity. Your emotional intuition is shot at the moment. In the height of your reveling, you have become clinically autistic. I am an object to you now. Something to talk at rather than to.

"Oh good!" you say, and pursue the topic; transforming into an unknowing sadist.

I don't want to hear it. Stop, please stop.

Frontalis and pars medialis contract in tandem of their own accord, my triangularis falters and follows suite. But it's only for a fraction of a second and you are in a state of rapture; too self absorbed at the moment to see the pain that flashes across my face.

It's better this way. Lie by omission. For sanity's sake, it is best not to affirm the existance of a problem that has no solution. All that you can do is try and forget about it... Try very hard...
Good friendships are based on a foundation of truth and trust, and though I have truth bound and gagged in the closet, I hope you can find it within you to trust me when I say that this is something that your'e better off not knowing about.

Am I okay?

...Of course I am...

Its the bleachers for me

2008-02-24T20:25:00.000-08:00

I haven't been online in weeks and it sort of feels good to be back. It seems that even the technodunce that is moi feels the pull of the worldwideweb hah..

As far as an update on real life goes, I really don't know what to put up because basically; nothing has happened to me at all. All the drama in the world has been relegated to the telenovela lives of my friends... but that's their story to tell not mine. Intrigue by extension doesn't really constitute much in any case, I can tell you, and anyway though I support them and all, this is one of those times where I think that it would be wise if I were to cheer from the bleachers. There is the overwhelming urge to actively help in whatever way I can but again, I've turned the situation over and come to the conclusion that that; would be a very stupid thing to do.

Following up on the bleachers bit, lets go with a baskeball analogy:

Everyone knows that basketball fans don't just jump on to the court in an attempt to help their favorite players. First off, it's against the basic rules of the game (you can't sub if you're not part of the team); Secondly, they have those little wall things and the rest of the crowd (not to mention popcorn/hotdog vendors and ringside reporters plus the cheerleaders) between you and the court so It'd be pretty hard to 'jump in' as it were; Thirdly, and more importantly, if your average fan (the most well meaning soul in the world but also having the hand/eye coordination of a sea cucmber) just followed the urge to jump into the mix do you know what would happen? That's right: It'd all go to pot. Knowing this I'm officially distancing myself from the matter.

So ladies and gentlemen, when you have a difficult relationship type problem where should the social retard be? dingdingding! Cheering, foam finger clad,waving a banner with encouraging words several dozen yards away in the bleachers.That, I can do. In 8 different languages too. Good job that.

Messy

2008-02-03T18:27:00.000-08:00

Sitting in the half light in front of my laptop, its screen the only source of illumination, I pause and think about how things are so messy. And by things, I mean love lives. Not mine to be sure (that which does not exist cannot be messy). But I’m involved in a mess by extension and it’s rather uncomfortable.

I don’t know what I can do to help. And believe me, I want to help. She’s my friend. He’s my friend. He likes her. She’s torn and befuddled and all kinds of confused. And here I am trying to mediate. I’m treading softly in unfamiliar territory hoping to God that my foot doesn't stray over some emotional landmine and desperately trying to make sure that nothing breaks.

I feel like a clumsy kid entering the glassware section of the department store. Afraid to move. Afraid to breathe. Wanting nothing more at the moment than to put all the pretty glass feelings away, encased in layers of bubble wrap and stowed under lock and key in an impenetrable store room. Somewhere I know they’ll be safe... But I'm too afraid to touch anything.

Too afraid because if anything moves, everything will all fall apart; shattering on the cold, white tiles. They’ll end up lying in dangerous bits that will probably cut you when you bend down to retrieve the jagged pieces. It’s not even my life and I’m stressed. Am I caring too much? How much is too much? And how do I stop caring?

Love lives are just so... messy.

Mishmosh m'gosh!

2008-01-04T01:02:00.000-08:00

Various (mishmosh instead of mishmash cuz it sounds better with the m'gosh... just in case you didnt get that bit) shorts picked up from here and there... combined into one longer post since lengthy is more up my alley in the blog department. I dunno, sometimes it just feels off if the post doesn’t reach the bottom of the compose entry box or beyond. anyway here you have it:

Ground Zero:
There are certain intervals of time when my corner of the world looks like a war zone. A battle between books, papers, clothes, and wires with casualties on all fronts culminating right here on my bedroom floor. The battle field littered with the spoils of war and the bedlam resulting from overwhelming blast of sloth.

I am such a bum.

Pedestal piece:
Your pedestal is chipped and cracking. Worn by the ravages of frustration and failed reciprocity. Things not done. The once gleaming marble now coated with a layer of dust so thick that even the shadow of dulled luster comes through only in the smudges from growing weeds and climbing ivy.
The bust on it is even worse off. The image lovingly sculpted under the careful eye of an idealist and her gullible hands have been changed by the once over of a realists hardened chisels. It is your image that sits there now among all the broken bits of former glory.
Soiled and pitiful; a grimy testament to a disillusioned state. This is your pedestal. Broken, sad and ugly.
As I turn my back to the remains of fantasy I can't help but let out a resigned chuckle. I leave your pedestal; out to be forgotten. And I say to be forgotten because the sad truth, sadder still than the state of your monument, is that for all that it is in a state of complete and utter disgrace, for the moment the decrepit pedestal still stands.

Head over Heals for Henry:
Henry Grubstick is Love. swoon. Roll over. Faint. Revive. Get back up only to fall down a flight of stairs and break neck while daydreaming over the complete and utter adorablecutehotness that is Henry Grubstick. I acknowledge that I am a nerd fan. sue me. but youll have to scrape me off the floor before you get me anywhere near a courthouse (because I have melted) and you must be forewarned that I will not in fact be paying any attention to you and your lawyer (Im not exactly sure why you'd sue me over my preferences or if that would actually be valid in any case) because I will be as afore mentioned gawping over Henry Grubstick. It also occurs to me that If we were to take this paragraph literally (I mean we rode with the suing bit) then I would actually be too dead for anyone to sue successfully (since I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my neck while going gaga over henry Grubstick) and would as such be peering up (or down as the case may be, I'm not entirely certain that I am not in fact going to hell though I'm pretty sure that I'm not... that is to say if there is a heaven or hell or if we have immortal souls at all to begin with. Its all rather technical in a metaphysical theological sense.) and mooning at Henry Grubstick. (note that the definition of mooning at and mooning are different one is staring lovingly and one is butt flashing.usually from a moving vehicle.) he is not in fact an actual person but matters of the heart are not subject to such logical constraints!!! (which is why I have sounded like a complete dimwit and have rambled for the past paragraph. It's like I already had verbal diarrhea and someone slipped me a laxative for good measure. gross analogy. Will fix thought process shortly. Management has been notified about the problem. lalalalalalalalalala... shutting down for repairs now) Who is Henry Grubstick you ask?? Here's a hint: Google Ugly Betty. lol. hearts... XD

As per tag instructions...

2007-12-24T17:04:00.000-08:00

Hey there! These are 8 trivial facts about me that you don't know :) then at the end you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going. Post these rules first:
* each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* at the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
* don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

1) 3 of my 6 names actually have a backstory (and here you thought my parents just pulled them out of a hat didn't you?)

2)I'm a DnD "geek". (DnD is COOL!!! ....shudup...)

3)I recently dislocated my left pinky toe (something so ridiculous can only happen to me :P)

4)I sleep face down or with a pillow on my head (which bothers my roommates a lot cuz they think I'm gonna suffocate one of these days)

5)I use my period as an excuse to be antisocial (even when I don't have it)

6)My favorite farm animal is a goat (*shrug*)

7)I have the bad habit of getting up and turning off my alarm without actually waking up (zombie much)

8) When I'm nervous I start talking in rapid english or bisaya (sometimes to myself if there isn't anyone else there lol...)

I tag the following: Chris, Trish, Erika, Shobe, Ishee, Cy, Dea, and Kraig

How now chow chow?

2007-12-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

Stuffed toys are comforting items for tiny children and people who have graduated past teeny bopperhood but still feel like children (given that no one is looking *coughcough*). Whether still in their place of honor at the head of you bead or in the dusty bodega where you leave all the things you think you've outgrown, these childhood articles, as a general rule, bring back warm fuzzy (possibly in a literal sense) feelings of nostalgia and associations with milk and cookies, bedtime stories and goodnight kisses.

You would hardly think of stuff toys in relation to stuff like the internet, global markets or credit cards and intense frustration. It goes against all the sugar coated disney conditioning we've had. You might sometimes see a teething toddler gnawing ineffectually on its unfortunate teddy bear but you wouldn't think that a 17 year old would have the same urge, except of course, the chewing off of the stuffed toy's head has nothing to do with growing baby teeth but rather a minor surge of stuffinglust (as oppossed to bloodlust... stuffed toys don't have blood doi.) Stuff toys were never meant to involve this much of a hassle.

Surprisingly few people are aware of how difficult it is to find a particular stuff toy. Lets say for instance a chow chow. Yes, I am looking for a stuffed chow chow. Its that cute bulky dog with the freaky blue tongue...in plushie form. Strange? I thought so too. Let me qualify for moment; this chow chow isn't for me...I'd love a real one but not right now, I'm having enough trouble with acounting as it is without something that might potentially eat my homework, or alternately use it as his little 2 dimensional arinola... This chowchow is in fact for my sister's pet (which is to say her boylet). As we are technically not allowed to have suh creatures sister dear acts through me who is not currently under direct parental observation. There's a cutesy backstory involved that I'm sure you all have little or no interest in so I'll spare you the "awwwww ma gallliiiee that's sssssoooooo swwweeeeet!" details. suffice it to say that we have the "perfect christmas gift" conceptually speaking. Now all we have to do is find the damn thing.

Did I mention that it was rather difficult?

In the analog world it's virtually impossible (haha tiny bit of punning there). There are no retail stores that I am aware of that stock chowchows specifically. (beagles, dalmations and terriers are rather common but our little friend just happens to be a tad more elusive) So in this technological age we turn to? ... The internet! (which isn't just for porn).

Several chow chows have at present been found. Catch 1: many of them are rather ugly. look some more... one very cute--and proportionately expensive (and when I say proportionately I mean hella) one sort of cute and within budget. so settle for that yes? Ahaha! theres another catch. ordering on the internet requires a credit card. Not good. Needs must the mother not know of this endeavour. sigh... Fine. borrow card. catch 3: must register to ebay! fine. catch 4: somethings wrong! make a new email address!! dammit. ok... catch 5: Sorry we are currently allowing only VISA cards! thank you for trying! have a nice day!!

If I ever do get my hands on the stupid thing, I'm going to regress into my teething stage and rip it to bits. Mission objective is no longer seek and give to creature. Current objective: seek and destroy.

Sigh... stuffinglust aside, I really think this is going to be a bust and it's bugging the hell out of me. Seasons greetings... hahay... how now chow chow indeed.

Of addiction and plans concerning it

2007-11-28T23:44:00.000-08:00

Here I am. Waiting. Waiting to find something that'll make me smile in the morning. Waiting to forget this disillusioned state. Waiting for you to come back into my life. But more than anything,

Waiting for the 124th episode of bleach to load on friggin youtube.

There has to be something wrong when the first window (i.e. part one of the episode) loads slower than the second. the first part hasnt quite finished loading the theme song (which though pretty isnt why Im watching the thing) while the second part is roughly one third done. And we all know that theres no point in watching the 2nd if you havent watched the first. (well there is a point I suppose but the accompanying frustration greatly outweighs whatever that would be so there you have it.) The internet gods are teasing me again.

Sigh. it seems that i have an addiction. I never figured myself as the addict type but oh well. Statement of the marginally obvious aside (who watches 124 episodes and gets worked up enough to blog about waiting for said episode to load if not a member of the addicted?) I have learned something that any self respecting addict (not really ironic) has carved in the depths of their soul. The burden of feeding your addiction. Its rather hard work if I do say so myself. Granted its harder work weaning yourself off of any given addiction than feeding it but thats a different matter as of the moment.

(progress report: window 1: 1 cm. window 2: 5 cm )

The smokers, drinkers and druggies of the world are probably making derisive noises at this point in time. True enough, I'm not what you'd call a hard core addict but its basically the same principle. Heck I even have withdrawal symptoms. No I do not break out in a cold sweat, get the shakes or become insanely paranoid (the last one might have some lee-way but Im more or less insane and a half shade of paranoid on my good days so it doesn't really say much) I do however become very irritable and refuse to do any homework until I've had my "fix" and considering that I ran out of episodes from the home stash (i.e. the episodes saved in mylene's computer) about monday evening, I'd like you to make an educated guess as to the amount of homework I've accomplished this week. If you're using a number scale, let me give you hint: Its a very small number.

(progress report: window 1: 3 cm. window 2: 3 cm from end)

And so, as addicts are prone to doing, I have plopped myself down and am paitently (more or less... dammit load already...) feeding my addiction. However this is the means to an end. I know that its not a particularly good thing, well, strictly speaking not a good thing at all; this addictive behaviour. Thus, me being the good little girl that I am, I have decided to beat the addiction! How you ask? Simple. By feeding it til it dies. You think I'm stupid don't you? Haha... but what am I really? Stupid? or Brilliant??! I say brilliant!!!

(progress report: window 1: 3 cm. window 2: finished)

I will feed the addiction until there is nothing left to feed it i.e. I finish the series, thus with the closure from this, the addiction will die of its own accord being highly specific in nature (I am addicted to a particular series after all). This method obviously wouldn't work for say, a smoker or a drug addict. You can hardly smoke everything in your immediate vicinity and have your addiction die like mine for 2 rather obvious reasons. The first being that you'd probably die before smoking everything in the area, and 2, theres a fresh supply of things to smoke (or shoot up or drink or snort, whatever you want to use to be politically correct) coming your way every day. It becomes clear that this method is only applicable to my particular situation and is as such highly tailored in accordance with the circumstances.

Told you it was brilliant.

lolz... Seriously though I'm just bullshitting you :) and killing time until the friggin thing loads already. Like I said at the beginning of the post Im just waiting:
But more than anything, Waiting for the 124th episode of bleach to load on friggin youtube."

(progress report: window 1: finished. window 2: finished quite some time ago)

let the feeding begin :)

cons cowboys and cagayan

2007-11-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

Cons, Cowboys and Cagayan: The three c's that comprise my sembreak. Well, admittedly theres been more to it than that (I'm not a complete lump you know)... not a whole lot though... (complete was the operative word in that last aside... basically I'm still a lump)

I have a feeling that this is going to be a long thing since I loved all three and I'm prone to raving, so Ill cut this into a three post post just so it not so overwhelming.

CONS
For Cons we have the television series Hustle. I know its mean to say but I was definitely pleasantly surprised by the British series. (everyones a little bit racist tooodaaaaayyy...) Obviously you expect very little from the title or at least I did... but then again I seem to have very bad title judgment since I wrote of prison break and heroes based on their titles (and granted even on their initial premise...) well basically I don't have series intuition but I've actually seen this one and there can be no denying that its "bloody brilliant"

Its a series about 5 grifters (otherwise known as con-artists) doing long-cons,led by Mikey Bricks.

point of interest: there are short cons and long cons. short cons are generally one man jobs where you quickly cheat someone out of small amounts of cash or a single item in particular (like gumming up an atm slot and collecting the money that got jammed at the end of the day or dressing up as a bellboy and taking the keys to a pretty car). Long cons on the other hand are far more complicated, involving elaborate schemes, proportionately larger sums of money and a team is usually required for this. Now just so you know, your basic team is composed of at least four members with particular roles
1 the roper- this is the guy who finds the mark (i.e. victim) wins their confidence and introduces him into the con. The roper also serves as the initial go between for the mark and the inside man
2 the inside man- is the guy who sets up the con, gives the premise of this amazing one shot (usually under the table or technically illegal) deal. The inside man is also the guy who ultimately gets the money from the mark. The set up is he explains it, you try for a small amount, they give you what you supposedly earn from the initial try otherwise known as a "convincer". After that you go again for a bigger amount and somewhere along the way you lose it all.
3 the fixer- Of course for the inside man to be convincing he needs props (fake I.D. sometimes a fake office you get the idea) the fixer is the guy who makes it happen for you, he "fixes" you up with whatever you might need for that particular con.
4 the banker- handles all the finances (capital for the con which goes towards helping the fixer get whats needed) allocating the convincer and counting out cuts or shares of the earnings. the banker and the fixer often play cameo roles in the con as needed.

Anyway, Mickey's rather famous in the con world and has yet to be caught on a con (he was in jail for a while and the series starts when he gets out but he was convicted on completely unrelated charges... something about a baseball bat if I recall correctly). From here he gathers in the rest of his crew starting with Albert Stroller, his old mentor who comes into play as the "roper."Albert is followed by Stacey Monroe, the team's "banker" and Ash Morgan, their "fixer" Last but not least, though he definitely wasn't part of the original line up, we have Danny Blue, a brilliant up and coming grifter who clashes with Mickey in an "its all good" sort of way and definitely adds flavor to the little mix. he also acts as an inside man/ cameo role.

Interesting enough though possibly not for those of you who have a particularly noisy and or indignant conscience. But then again, even if these people are technically the bad guys they do have their own code of honor of sorts. The first rule of the con is that you cant cheat an honest man and they only gun after the people who have more money than they need and are generally evil bastards in one way or another. If they find that they've misjudged a mark they abort. this happens once or twice in the first season. This among other things endears them to you and generally the series does a great job of getting you to sympathize with the characters.

Hilarious and brilliant (kudos to the writers whose names I'm sorry to say I've forgotten... If it makes them feel any better I don't remember the real names of the stars either so there you have it..) and more often than not rather wacky, I love the series to bits though I haven;t yet managed to pull an all nighter to finish of the season in one go (hahaha that's a good thing on 2 counts)

cowboys to come...

denial

2007-10-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

I dont wanna think about finals. this is scalpered off of multiply (just like the pictures for my chinese album thank you joanie) in a desperate attempt to block out the thoughts of impending doom.

What would you do if..

1. may lumipad na ipis sa mukha mo?
- scream and run. shake off ipis. scream and run some more... scrub my face.

2. hinalikan ka bigla ng crush mo sa LIPS?
- turn red and gape like an idiot.

3. naging classmate mo yung ex mo???
- ehrm... depends on how things ended I suppose..

4. dinedma ka ng bf/gf mo?
- Deadma lang rin siguro..

5. kinalimutan ka na ng bf/gf mo?
- what is this a telenovela?

6. hindi ka binigyan ng allowance ng parents mo?
- ride it out.. I save a portion of my allowance so I should be fine for a while.

7. napatingin sayo yung crush mo habang nakatitig ka sa kanya?
- pretend to exit tama mode, smile, and look away.

8. dalawa kayong mahal ng mahal mo??
- MU na yan right? -shrug- see what happens I guess.

9. nagsasaya ka tapos pinatugtog bigla yung song na nagpapa-alala sayo sa ex
mo na mahal mo pa?
- get out of there or whip out my ipod and play some of my happy music i.e. Snow Patrol, FCPREMIX, Joon Khodet (not racist! :D) Motion city soundtrack and OK Go

10. nawala lahat ng kayamanan nio?
- I'd be back in Cebu and working it out with my family.

11. nahuli mong may kahalikang iba yung guy/gurl mo?
- I'd like to think I'd have the presence of mind not to bitch slap the shit out of the both of them or run away.

12. nawala pera mo habang nagsho-shopping?
- well that sort of happens when you shop, you spend the money and then it's generally gone. :D

13. nakakita ka ng bloody knife sa cabinet mo?
- be disgusted and find out who's knife it is

14. nde ka sinip0t ng bf/gf mo sa araw ng monthsary/anniversary niyo?
- that'd sort of suck. tampo hahahaha...

15. may dumaan na multo sa harap mo?
- shudder, get up and walk away slowly while repeating the denial mantra.

16 . dinededma ka lang ng nililigawan mo pero tumatanggap ng regalo galing
sayo?
- (hypothetically) stop buying her gifts and move on. cupboard love is crap.

17. may nagsuicide nang dahil syo?
- be freaked out and flattered in a dark and twisted way..

18. tumawag si sadako?!
- ask her if she could come a little earlier so that I don't have to take my finals..

19. nagpakita sayo ang kaluluwa ni FPJ?!
- I'd go all Danny Phenton and whoop his metaphysical ass (Danny Phenton is cooll!! hahaha neeeeerd..:D)

20. nagka-crush ka bigla sa fwend mo?
- yeah well that's happened. I act like an idiot and its generally a "shitstorm"

21. nakisilong sayo yung crush mo kase umuulan tpos wla ng payong pero ikaw
meron?
- pasilong :D be all giggly inside.. dutdot and try not to get wet ;p

22. may nagtext sayo na papatayin ka daw nia?
- delete, ignore.

----

1. are you younger than 19?
** 2 years shy of.

2. do you have the letter 'f' in your name?
** you'd think it would be in there somewhere but nope...

4. do you like the color green?
** Yeah :) its actually one of my favorite (La salle not withstnading ;P hahahaha... joke ra
)

5. do you have a crush on someone?
** Yeah..

6. are you in a relationship?
** Nope..

7. ever kissed someone of the same sex?
** not in the way I think you're referring to..

8. ever eaten soap?
** think I have :)) little monkey children aren't very discerning about what they put in their mouths..

11. what song are you listening to right now?
** Everything is all right by Motion city soundtrack

12. is there a place you would like to visit?
** home... one more week, one more week...

13. have you ever fell into a mud puddle?
** Not yet :D I don't doubt that it'll happen one of these days..

14. do you like winter?
** Cold weather=love :)

5. does your screen name have numbers in it?
** Nope...

16. are you in a band?
** the imaginary band that's touring the world in my brain? yeah... :D

17 . do you like parties?
** generally not so much... but there are exceptions.

18. what are you scared of?
** brackish water? hahaha stupid yeah... IPIS.. being alone, failing, the world.

19. how long have you had your Friendster for?
** 4 years and It has been used for a cumulative total of 9 months hahaha.

20. Favorite beverage?
** Ice cold water, iced tea, milk (hahaha.. natakdan ni Mylene)

21. favorite subject in school?
** Currently Chinese :) wo ai Hanyu..

2 2. if you could own a monkey, would you?
** Own no, keep long enough to pass on to someone who'd be willing to touch it long enough to kill the miserable creature yes. Me no likey monkies.

24. do you listen to rap?
** chinese rap!!! hahahaha.. not really ;p

2 5. favorite disney movie?
** Lilo and Stich!! hahaha i dunno I haven't watched a Disney flick in ages...

27 . what was your first YM name?
** purple_steelsafetypin---> still is... gahd I need to change it

28. do you like fruits?
** Bananas!! I cant believe they cost 8-12 pesos here though... tsktsk

29. do you have a phone?
** there are two here in the dorm but they're not mine... there are 2 at home but they aren't mine either...

30. have you ever given a random person your number?
** Not a random person but a not really well known person and yeah it sorta sucked... and not just the grammar... shudder...

31. do you think you're attractive?
** sometimes I pretend that I am :D

32. how clean is your haws?
** uhmmm... very uhm not...

33. what color is your haws?
** white. allllll white... and we have a big white wall with spikes on top.... and a quaint green gate :D hahaha...

34. is there a calendar in your haws?
** yeah there're a bunch... no one uses them though..

35. do you regret anything..
** i regret not having really lived in high school, that stupid mark letter fiasco, not studying when I know I should and not trying or being good enough.

36 . what are you excited for?
** Sembreak. I get to go home :) and then theres a trip to CDO for trish's debut :D weeeee!

37. Are you artistic?
** Yeah :) its my happy thing..

38. do you have a cellphone?
** hahaha... yeah, but its on loan from my roommate! sigh.... my phone fell into the LS pool and now all it does is go Bzzzzzzzzzzz...

40. color of cellphone?
** silver, and white in places where the paint's chipped.

41. do you cry yourself to sleep?
** not regularly no.

43. do you like to sleep?
** YES. If I didn't need to do anything else I'd sleep all the time.

45. do you get bored easily?
** Yeah...

46. how many pillows do you sleep with?
** I have 3. one of them is sorta smallish...

47. #????
** lingjiuyiliuerliusibayisiling hahahaha....

48. do you like english classes?
** Yup don't have em anymore though.... :)

----

Today Did You-
1. Talk to a boy/girl you like?
- not in person...

2. Learn anything new?
- we have nicotine neurons?? weird...

3.Talked to an ex?
- not applicable.

4.Miss someone?
- A whole bunch of people really...

-Last Person Who-
5.Laid in your bed?
- Me. my bed is MINE muhamuhaha...

6. Made you cry?
-Daddy...

7. You went to the movies with?
-I thiiiiiiiinkk it would have to be Rush hour 3 with Dea, mylene, royce, inting, lloyd, and paje

8. Went to the mall with you?
- see previous, haven't really been out since then. hahaha lame? yes I know... T.T

9. You showered with?
- Crissy!! (not in the same stall you pervs)

10. Made you laugh?
- Tara :)

11. Hugged you?
- Anjo

-General stuff-
16. Favorite location?!
- my bed.

17. Tattoo?
- I got a henna before... that counts right?

18. What are you most scared of this second ?
- not finishing fil, failing accounting, not doing brilliantly enough on the math finals, getting a difficult chinese orals partner, not doing well in school, becoming depressed, disappointing my parents... school shit basically.

19. Where do you want to get married?
- On a beach or somewhere outdoors... no wedding church for me please.

21. Does anyone like you?
- Sure. I'm generally a like-able person... (but probably not in the way your thinking)

22. Do you like being around people?
- It really depends what kind of people ;P

23.Have you ever cried?
- I never cried as a baby but I did a lot of tear dripping when I was in grade school, a fair deal in high school but not a lot in college...

24. Are you lonely right now?
- yeah.

25. Song stuck in your head?
- ai dao by farenheit... chinese boy band!! hahahaha...

26. Been on radio/TV?
- yes, no.

28. Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
- nope... I fall for the nice boys haha..

29. What are you wearing right now?
- terjers batch shirt, white shorts.

31. Name three things that you do every day?
- sleep, eat, breathe.

32. How much cash do you have on you right now?
- a grand total of 18 pesos. Ill be withdrawing tomorrow...

33. Are you bored?
- Im in a state of self inflicted numbness that can be construed as boredom i suppose...

38. What web site do you visit the most?
- yahoo.. possibly blogger and devart..

39. Do you have plants in your room?
- nope...

41. Who was the last person to hug you?
- Anjo

-26 SECRETS
1.WHAT IS YOUR DISPLAY NAME ABOUT?
- its a jumbled parody of orange_rubberbandaid made by my messed up teenybopper brain... gohd i need to change it na jud...

2. WHERE WAS YOUR DEFAULT PICTURE TAKEN?
- Its in my vista thingy... Im gonna put up my camwhory pic with Trish from last summer eventually.. I hope... hahaha :)

4.WHAT 'S YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS?
- Bitter single

5. HONESTLY, IF SOMEONE WERE TO TELL YOU HOW THEY FELT, WOULD YOU LISTEN?
- most likely I would. I only tune out people when I know they're being turd brains.

6. WHATS YOUR CURRENT MOOD?
- worried, pessimistic, funkeh basically..

7. WHATS YOUR MOST VALUED POSSESSION?
- I don't assign values to things. I value people, but you cant "possess" people unless your a moomoo in which case its a whole other kind of possessing...

8 . HOW ARE THINGS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
- (it's going great [perfection is acheived in non-existence])<>

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, AND CHANGE SOMETHING WOULD YOU?
- Yes.

11. IF YOU MUST BE AN ANIMAL FOR ONE DAY- WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
- id be a bird... and drop doodie on my teachers. muhamuhaha

12. EVER HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE?
- almost drowned as a kid... jumped back in the pool 5 minutes later..

16. NAME SOMEONE WITH THE SAME B-DAY AS YOU?
- Mrs. Rosalina Alfeche (maam chem sa sci-hi) and Antonio Sy (anak ni Auntie monie).

17. HAVE YOU EVER SANG IN FRONT OF A LARGE AUDIENCE?
- sadly yes.

18. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX ?
- eyes... and glasses if they're wearing some :>

19. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER FROM STARBUCKS?
- vanilla frap... me no likey coffee...

20. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DRUNKEN WEEK?
- drunk on life :)) i.e. simply sabog.

21. DO YOU STILL WATCH KIDDY MOVIES OR TV SHOWS?
- yeah :) go disneychannel!

24 . DO YOU SPEAK ANY OTHER LANGUAGE?
- I speak 4 languages.. bulok lang paminsan, kay usahay magkasagol, ni tong ma?

25. IS THERE SOMEONE ON YOUR MIND NOW?
- Don't wanna think about it.

26. WHAT HURTS YOU AT THE MOMENT?
- my eyes... I think i need glasses.. gahd.

49. do you like hugs and kisses?
** yeah :) hugs are the best...

---

01.What does your shout out mean?
-- Its a proclamation of lethargy.

02. What does your default photo mean?
-- its a little doggie wearing glasses.. it defies meaning with its cute-ness.

03. Who is the first person on your top6?
-- top six wha?

04. What's your current status?
-- haven't you asked this already?

05 . What are you wearing right now?
-- this too

06. What's your current problem?
-- FINALS. SHOOT ME NOOOOOOWWWW.

07. Do you have a Date this Friday?
-- were planning a post finals lakad :)

08. What makes you the happiest person?
-- sleeping in during a signal 3 storm knowing that class has been suspended and you don't have to think about anything for the rest of today and tomorrow. talking with friends and finishing a really good book. air guitar when no ones looking, music. comfort food, hugs.

09. Have you ever met anyone from Friendster?
-- Yep.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
-- sleeping like a squishy log.

11. If you could go back in time and change something what would it be?
-- my lack of a substantial social life in high school.

12. What are your nervous habits?
-- I talk to myself in rapid English. sometimes bisaya or both.

13. Ever had a near death experience?
-- Yes.

WHERE IS # 14?! -- probably got tired of this uber long Q and A bit..

15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your mind right now?
-- ai dao.

16. Any celeb you would marry?
- No. their lives are messy.

17. Who will cut and paste this first?
-- No one reads my blog so I'm guessing this is scalper safe here..

18. Do you have a crush on someone?
-- its formally known as a pisting giahak nganu ganhan ko nimo crush.

19. Have you ever vandalized someones private property?
-- yes *evil grin*

20. What does your 4th text message you sent say?
-- Uhm I dont have a sent box but I think its to tara about felix rivera my gay happy crush (why cruel world?)

21. What does your last received text say?
-- I was in the dorm! I think you mean thursday. :)

22. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
-- Yeah.

23. Say something totally random about you.
-- I tap dance in the shower??

24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
-- yeah... but I don't think I look any thing like the them.. (its happened thrice with 3 different celebs and three different visually impaired people)

25. Do you do videoke?
-- not in public hahaha...

26. Do you listen to System of a Down?
-- I think I used to...

27. What is the closest thing to you?
-- phonebooks...

28. Do you have anything pierced?
-- nope..

29. Do you eat fish?
-- yupyup.. I remember refusing to eat anything but bulad for 2 weeks when I was 5.

30. Do you like pain?
-- I'm no masochist thanks..

31. Do you like to shop?
-- Sort of I guess... just not for long periods of time...

32. Whose bed did you last sleep in?
-- My own.

33. What was the last thing you paid for with a credit card?
-- i don't have one... I bought school supplies with my bpi card though if that counts.

34. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
-- Tarara...

35. Do you have any weird relatives?
-- Basically were all loopy

36. What was the last movie you watched?
-- something regine velasquez-aga mulach... I watched with my rabid regine fan friend :)

---

1. What do you think of the most when you are alone?
-- loneliness, things I have to do, things I want to do, people I want to be with.

2. When it is a rainy night, what do you do most of the time?
-- snuggle in bed and read.

3. If you’ll go on a date, what would you like to do?
-- musical, dinner, ice skating, chilling... it doesn't really matter what you're doing, its who your with that counts.

4. What do you do when you see a full moon?
-- smile

5. Would you rather swim in the lake or dive in the ocean?
-- whichever is cleaner and has less stuff swimming around with/under me...

6. What would be the best partner of a good cup of coffee?
-- a pitcher of milk and a lot of sugar..

7. If you’ll ask yourself a question now, what would it be?
--How are you gonna pull this off?

8. If certain things in your life will fall apart, what will you do?
-- break down for a day and then roll up my sleeves and make repairs.

9. What was the hardest decision you made in your life so far?
-- shifting out of mh

10. When your friends forget you, what will you do?
-- They're not friends if they do.

11. I’ve come to realize that…
-- I need to get in gear.

12. I am listening to…
— me typin, someone else typing, the whir of a distant fan

13. Maybe I should…
— be studying for accounting or making those fucking fil papers.

14. I love…
— staying home in stormy weather and hugs :)

15. The best days of my life was…
— impromptu Baguio trip with my family

16. I don’t understand…
— why I think he's so damn wonderful.

17. I’ve lost…
— the bounce in my step.

18. People say…
— that I have lots of friends. I KNOW I lot of people. It hardly means they're my friends.

19. The meaning of my screen name is…
— it has no meaning. much like the word gliberfwee... I made it up just now...

20. Love…
— is a shit-storm waiting to happen.

21. Somewhere, someone is…
— offing themselves.

12. I will always…
— laugh when I see that pic of Pami and Claire on Crissy's 17th bday last year.

13. Forever seems…
— like a vague abstraction that no one can promise you. Its not theirs to begin with.

14. I never want to…
— fail.

15. My mobile phone is...
— staring me in the face with a black screen. no ones there at 2 in the morning.

16. I believe that…
— I can get through this.

17. I get annoyed when…
— people do nothing but bitch incoherently and go on and on about how the world is out to get them and everything sucks because they say so. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

18. I am better…
— at pretending now.

19. I fear that…
— my life is going nowhere

20. Kisses are the best when…
— you don't know they're coming

21. Today I…
— wasted a butt-load of time.

22. Tonight I will…
— be studying my ass off.

23. Tomorrow I will…
— move on to study my thighs off, possibly through down to my ankles.

24. I really want to…
— do well in the finals...

---

1. anong ayos ng buhok mo ngayon?
- lugay... gulo pero somehow behaved... It always looks better when I'm at home hahaha...

2. kumusta na ang puso mo?
- still pumping type O blood round and round my circulatory system..

3. may iniisip ka ba ngayon?
- Yup. finals. XD

4. madali ka bang magalit?
- Galit no. inis yes...

5. kelan ka huling nakakita ng unggoy?
- In real life? Subic when I was 9... I should have stoned the buggers when I had the chance...

6. kelan ka huling uminom ng taho kasama tatay mo?
- never...

7. anong huli mong ininom?
- instant batchoy broth... msg yumyumyum...

8. my crush k b ngayun??
- sana nalang wala pero meron... atay ba...

9. single? taken? o reserved?
- reserved...

10. kelan ka huling tumawa?
- about 15 minutes ago...

11. madali ka bang maimpluwensyahan?
- on most things yeah... but I have thick boundaries about certain things that aren't bufging any time soon.

13. e may lakad ka ba mamaya?
- Wala.

14. may pinoproblema ka ba ngayon?
- finals. :|

15. anong pinakagusto mong nabili last week?
- double choco mouse from Gatteu de manila

16. mahilig ka bang tumakbo?
- no.

17. anong huli mong napanood sa tv?
- uhhhh... TV???

18. halata ba pag may problema ka?
- Not unless I don't care whether people know or not.

19. madali ka bang magpatawad?
- Not on the big things no.

20. malikot ka ba?
- depends...

21. anong gusto mo ngayon?
- KFC... crave crave...

22. last friends you have been with?
- Jami and Richmay...

23. ilan ang sim mo?
- one lang... go globe! harhar...

24. sino madalas mO ka text?
- Tara

25. anong pinapakinggan mo ngayon?
- wala.

26. san ka makikita this sunday?
- Somewhere in Cebu City Cebu :)

27. may curfew ka ba?
- technically speaking meron...

28. anong pinagkakaabalahan mo ngaun?
-ACCOUNTING, FILIPINO, lost ID... god damn it...

29. sa palagay mo cno sunod na ssagot sa survey na to?
- someone I don't know, because the next person to answer this wont get it from me.

30. cno ung taong huling nagpaiyak sayo?
- Daddy...

31. sa tingin mo, mahal ka ng taong mahal mo?
- yeah... platonically. damn.

The wormies in my heart

2007-10-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

Paragraph after paragraph of the warm happy feeling you only get from sleeping in during a signal three storm or sugar covered chocolate balls. It's like the little wormies in my heart had started a bonfire and were singing kumbayaas. The smile on my fool's face couldn't help but grow to comic proportions with each glowing word, articulating how I felt with heart warming accuracy. The wormies were considering a keg to celebrate. Until that one word. If I say it now I'll give it all away, but yes it was just one word. That one word that said that it couldn't possibly be me. This was followed by whole sentences of confirmation; rock salt in the wound.

One of the most twisted jokes on the planet is finding out that he feels exactly the way you do... for some other girl. And the barbed punchline is that you had started to believe that this was more than another one of those one-sided affairs, more than another one of your delusions. You had started to believe that you were special.

The wormies are still considering that keg, though not for celebration, but rather for getting piss drunk and becoming oblivious to how their little campfire is going out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I guess the wormies really did get drunk because I feel strangely happy. They have reached a state of blissful inebriated release and I'm along for the ride. I get the happy drunk without actually having to drink icky alcohol :) I love my wormies.

The end draweth nigh...

2007-09-20T02:42:00.000-07:00

Only 3 more weeks until we call the first semester quits. I can't wait :D hahaha... I'll (hopefully) be starting fresh as a Legal Management major :) I'm not really worried about which block I end up in apparently Alyx and Aikka are part of block O which means that I have friends in all 4 blocks :D yeayz... For some reason I just hope I don't end up in Tara's old block. I have a bad feeling bout it is all... but then again if I did that'd mean that I'm with sila Dane so it's probably not that bad either.

But aside from the banyuhay-ness of it all some of the reasons I want the sem to be over and done with are:

-Matapos na ang isang chapter ng punyetang NSTP na yan. I hate children. so small and smelly, so god awfully brainless... And contrary to what Mylene says, there IS such a thing as an ugly kiddie. MARAMI NGA SILA. and to cap it all off they're filthy little buggers too. bati na gali mo ug nawng, hugaw pa jud. It goes without saying that I'm pro contraceptives.

-No more Acc10!!! bagong form of torture nanaman pero at least I have a one month recuperating period laid out for me. thank you lord, magbinuotan na jud ko promise...

No more Math!
Well not strictly speaking since math is... *shudder* everywhere... but at least I wont have formal studies in the damn thing anymore. Loves it tuloy.

and the best thing is...

-No more Filipino... EVER!!!
Ahahahahahahahahihihiheeehoohaaohuuhuhihahahaho! * jumps around and waves a large happy banner while laughing hysterically*

My new words of power are: Hapit na sembreak.

Let us chant the mantra of happiness together; Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak, Hapit na sembreak...

-prosepusher-

NSTP

2007-09-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

N-othing learned.

S-till hate stupid, smelly children.

T-errible desire to maul and massacre.

P-lease shoot whoever came up with that stupid law.

2007-09-11T01:02:00.000-07:00

When the world comes tumbling down around you, the only thing you can do is step back and listen to the horrifyingly pretty sound of hopes, dreams, and sanity breaking into tiny little pieces, tinkling as they hit the concrete floor under which your dignity was laid to rest long before it even started to get so messed up. Just take a moment and take in that sound. Drown yourself in it, transfixed and trance like. There's nothing much else you can do.

;) that's plan B. optimistic me hasn't given up just quite yet so stow your hankies for the time being.

Have you seen...?

2007-09-06T02:18:00.000-07:00

I'm too lazy to make a the kind of poster that your supposed to make for lost pets (that and the fact that I dont have any pictures anyway sort of contributes too) But there are a few people who have fallen off the face of my social life. So for todays blog we have: Have you seen...?

Ceejay, also answers to Beagle- Have you seen this girl? shes not really that hard to spot. Morena, BIG smile, curly hair usually lugging around a red backpack. At times is also Boisterous, loud, screaming incoherently (though she has yet to reach my level of mastery in that particular field) If she likes you she will run up and hug you. Its rather cute really. Do not be afraid to approach even if ill-tempered. she may gnash her teeth and wrinkle her nose at you (or at least in your general direction) but as far as I am aware she does not have rabies. She runs around and hurts herself a lot so she may be sporting bandages in addition to her ridiculously heavy red bag. Missing for almost two weeks.

Chris- Have you seen Chris? Also not hard to spot. Big white ball of chinese sophistication. Has shrunk and cut his hair in recent weeks. Always immaculately dressed though is also often spotted wearing a red shirt with grey and white stripes over the chest. Likes to sing. Is very good at it. When not at home or with Ishee or Cy (see description for lost friends number 3 and 4 respectively) May be found in his natural mobile habitat. His car. he drives safely really he does. Do not be afraid to approach. He is not generally mean or violence oriented just extremely mataray. May spontaneously seem to be possessed by a large black woman. He suffers from a very specific form of turrets and can often be heard saying vagina repeatedly. Missing for several months.

Ishee, also reponds to Irish and brooha- Have you seen this brooha? Is easily identifiable by her long thick hair. It has been streaked relatively recently and now sports annoying bangs as well. Is often seen wearing skinny jeans, long shirts as well as large dangly earrings. May be found to be carrying large bags or tiny bags alternately, with a life expectancy of usually no longer than a month. Is often found in the company of Chris (see description of lost friend number 2) and almost always in the company of Cy (see description of lost friend number 4). Do not approach. Especially if she is writing something on a coloumnar pad. If you do approach her, she can communicate in english tagalog and bisaya but that does not necessarily mean that she will. It is highly probable that she will ignore you.Missing for about a week.

Cy, also responds to Chancho- Have you seen this girl? She has a cute nose. (have I never mentioned this before?) Bags may vary in size but she can always be spotted carrying books, folders and assorted papers around in the crook of her arm. Can be seen wearing tee-shirts and pants of assorted length. Has yet to be sighted wearing pokpok clothes despite her intermittent fascination with these creatures. May sometimes speak like a Chinese person with bad english and an airhead alternatley. She is neither. Is often in the company of Chris (see description of lost friend number 2) and almost always in the company of Ishee (see description of lost friend number 3). Is generally Omniscient regarding school matters and extracurricular affairs. Do not be afraid to approach. cy inflicted physical harm has yet to be documented. Missing for several months.

Anjo- Have you seen this boy? Recently had a haircut. Hair flippiness has gone down by 64%. wears black thick framed glasses and braces. He has been sighted without the glasses but the braces are pretty much stuck there. Is generally found wearing T-shirts and long shorts and white shoes. Is often found in the smocket though his companions often vary on a day-to-day basis. Makes rotational hand gestures when speaking, particularly when attempting to explain something. Is a self proclaimed nerd and often speaks in an intellectual if manner (if with a disorganized thought-process) when not cussing. Has been certified as 93% emo. Do not be afraid to approach. Toxins from cigarettes and alcohol may be transferable in the event that he bites you but we are certain he does not have rabies. Missing for over a month.

Hahai... I miss these people. I haven't really hung out with any of them in such a long time (see times at the bottom of each description) I see them relatively regularly but that doesnt really mean anything. I mean, I see this creepy dude who looks like Manny Pacquiao and A surly moreno version of Lloyd everyday but that doesn't mean I spend time with them (Well technically I don't know the other two-If I did I wouldn't have to call them 'Creepy dude who looks like Manny Pacquiao' and 'Surly moreno version of Lloyd' now would I?- so the spending time with them thing is purely academic but that's not really the point.) It's just been bugging me lately that I don't get to chillat (It's a dea word... hahaha... Onga I miss all my sci-hi friends sad... Except maybe Mylene because were roommates albeit in a state of FOFLAT as of the moment [its a mylene word hahahaha! inventing our own language...but thats for a whole other post] but that's for a whole other post) with my Manila best friends anymore (BTW I just saw Tara yesterday and were planning to watch Avenue Q together (another potential post!!!) so she's not on the list. And Im still detoxing from the CFA decor spree with Trish so she isnt here either)----> thats rather convoluted but basically, me miss me fwends and I owe you people 3 more posts... BUT!! Hell week first yes? :D

-prosepusher-

Shot full of holes

2007-09-03T18:38:00.000-07:00

Another bullet post (you get the pun in the title right? come on I'm trying to be clever here)

Agenda for the next 3 days.

Midautumn Gratia design and layout proposal: cream, gold, burnt up paper, and chinese characters... throw in a couple of old Chinese guys for good measure (today)
Accounting quiz for long problems (make a multi-step income statement AND a classified balance sheet for a company who screwed up their entries and want you to fix it. (today)
Chi1 homework. Make a weekly schedule in Chinese and pick up one of your classmates. also in Chinese. (today)
Filipino project, phase 1 of I don't know how many yet.. ink in sketches (half of the story!!! boooyaa!!) to be given to Jami for coloring (today)
Avenue Q tickets reserved and waiting for me in all their pretty-ness at Gateway Natio *note to self pick up pens for Fil while there. (today)
More accounting. moving on in life to a brand new form of torture. for more details see chapter 8 of your accounting textbook. (today)
Heights deliberations. action in the analog world after the loooooooooonng hiatus. 3:00-4:30 DO NOT MISS (tomorrow)
Gratia meeting and submission deadline 4:30-6:00 can't cut because Trish already is T.T (tomorrow)
Filipino paper on the wonderfulness that is buwan at baril (tomorrow)
Accounting is my friend. Accounting is my friend. Accounting is my friend. Accounting is my friend. Accounting is my friend. Why does it hate me? (tomorrow)
Start reading for Sci10 long test. Orals this time. Come to me o ye bullshiting powers. (Thursday)
Heights digital Arts talk. continue shameless plugging (all the way up until September 12)
Find a bowl. a big breakable one.
find a quiet dark hole to crawl into and die in. make sure its not a fox burrow.

Kulang noh...

2007-08-22T00:39:00.000-07:00

I agree with most of what was put in my signs description but hey, all of the signs say nice things so whats not to agree with eh? And just so you know I dont usually do this but 16 years bad luck? Gawd thats almost my entire lifetime. So yeah I don't want to piss of the dead astrologist dude. Anyway its my blog so who cares? :) you know you only read this to waste your time and this is about as good a way to waste it as any ;p

Message: Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line.

AQUARIUS- The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone
loves them right now. Always Wants the
last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal.
Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to.
Everything you ever wanted. Easy to
please.
The one and only. 7 Years of
bad luck if you do not repost.

PISCES - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves
to joke. Very Good sense of humor.
Energetic. Predict future. GREAT
kisser. Always get what they want.
Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in
long relationship. Talkative.
Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck
if you do not repost.

LEO- The Coolest one
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love
is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and
sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most
caring person Ever meet! however not
the kind of person you wanna mess
with... u might end up crying... 9
years of bad luck if you do not repost.

GEMINI- The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not
one to mess with. Funny. Excellent
kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves
relationships,
Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck
if you do not repost.

CANCER - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser.
One of a kind. Loves being In long-
term relationships. Extremely
energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed
your expectations. Especially with
your mom. Not a Fighter, But will
Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad
luck if you do not repost.

ARIES- Irresistible
Nice Love is one of a kind. Great
listeners Very Good in bed... Lover
not a fighter, but will still knock
you out. Trustworthy. Always happy.
Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY
FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a
beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE
MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck
if you do not repost.

SAGITTARIUS-The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and
passionate. Laid back. Knows how to
Have fun. Is really good at almost
anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable.
Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive.
Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long
relationships. Talkative. Not one to
mess with. Rare to find. Good when
found. 7 years of bad luck if you do
not repost.

TAURUS- The Cutie
Most Amazing kisser. Very high appeal.
Love is one of a kind. Very romantic.
Most caring person you will ever meet!
Entirely creative. Extremely random
and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous.
Great at telling Stories. Not a
Fighter, But will Knock your lights
out if it comes down to it. Someone
you should hold on to. 12 years of bad
luck if you do not repost.

LIBRA - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of
attention. High appeal. Has the last
word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun
to be around. Extremely weird but in a
good way. Good Sense of Humor!!!
Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she
wants. Loves to joke. Very popular.
Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad
luck if you do not repost.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy.
Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future.
Irresistible. Loves being in long
relationships. Great talker. Always
gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves
to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely
fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of
bad luck if you do not repost.

SCORPIO - Aggressive.
Loves being in long relationships.
Likes to give a good fight for what
they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves
to help people in times of need. Good
kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A
caring person. One of a kind. Not one
to mess with. Are the most attractive
people on earth! 15 years of bad luck
if you do not
repost.

VIRGO- The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to
find. Great when found. Loves being in
long relationships. So much love to
give.Not one to mess with.Very
pretty.2 yrs of bad luck if u nvr
reposT

Fuzzy brain and floundering

2007-08-21T02:57:00.000-07:00

The rain has decided to stop humoring me and classes are back. But after a 6 day break (which was about as productive as trying to get me out of bed on a rainy sunday morning) Classes have morphed from the stressful daily grind into cruel and unimaginative torture. I've fallen off the horse and its galloped too far away for me to get back on. I just need to get the bugger back in range so I can plop my ass firmly back in place. Now what sort of trap can you set for a metaphorical horse? A metaphorical carrot perhaps? got to get me one of those....

(Let's try for shorter frequent posts instead of the disjointed monthly epics I usually throw at you.)

Detox

2007-08-08T01:10:00.000-07:00

It's been 9 days.

.....

Good News Bad News

2007-08-03T23:06:00.000-07:00

There will always be good news and there will always be bad news. The question is, which do you want to hear first? The good news or the bad news?

Pessimists would argue that neither order is particularly attractive. If the bad news comes first then you won't be able to enjoy the good news, your mind being preoccupied with the bad news and the woes that shall befall you in the very near future. If you hear the good news first then what little pleasure you have coming your way would be overshadowed by the fact that there's bad news coming and you don't have a chaser since you've already heard the good news.

This aside, most people grudgingly ask for the bad news first so lets go with that.

*D-Day in 50 hours and counting.
Well, according to sir Tirol, D-Day doesn't actually mean doomsday. Rather, it was used during world war two by American troops in reference to the schedule of whatever mission they happened to be on. So the world does not necessarily end on D-Day. It isn't really even half foreboding as it sounds. Now see, I know that. Thing is, it doesn't really make that much of a difference. Because in roughly 50 hours, I'm having my second accounting LT and it doesn't matter what D-Day means. I'm still scared witless.

*#@%$*&
I've been cursing a lot lately. And that really has to stop. so I've put on a self censor. Note the use of witless instead of shit-less. I've also decided not to hang around certain people for a while. This is bad news in the sense that my social life has effectively been put on hold while I alternately boil my tongue and brain in hot water and dunk them in 70% alcohol concentrate.

*Come hither all ye troglodytes.
I've changed classrooms and they're not letting me keep Liezel. So i had a new kid for nstp today. Her name is Sherilyn. It seems they've given me a little trog after all. She doesn't smell (thank God for small mercies) and her nose is snot free but I think that that's because its all up in her noggin. She gets it after a while (a looooooooonngg while) but the layer of snot encasing her brain seems rather thick, so it takes a lot of doing. I wasn't the cheery, brilliant, funny teacher that I was last week. she just sucks the joy of teaching into the void that is her brain where it shrivels and dies an agonizing death swimming in blank stares and mispronunciations.

*I haven't really talked to any of my friends since Tuesday.
That's probably because there's been very little class the past few days. I can't believe I actually miss Fil (one of the only subjects I have with my beloved ex-blockmates) It's actually gotten that bad. I haven't even really talked to Mylene much and were roommates! It's just depressing.My psych test may say that I lean to introversion but I'm still an extrovert. I crave human company. sigh... I'm probably gonna go around hugging people on Monday and freaking them out. And well, the thing about hugs... *shrug* 3 people know what I'm getting at.

Always look on the bright side of life, too-doo-too-doo-di-doo-di-doo-too... (the old nike commercial song... remember? :D)

*There are two long weekends coming and once I get the green light from my various teachers (by which I mean that they won't be assigning me boatloads of homework on the said weekends) then I get to go home :) And that thought's just something that's been making my day for the past 3 days. I don't think I could take not going home for the whole sem. I've been going batty as it is and well... I just miss Cebu. and my family and my pets and being HOME.

*Things are continuing swimmingly on the org front.
Heights is just about as happy as ever it was :love:
CFA night has been postponed (more time to fiddle with decor! yehooo)
We're starting to gear up for Midautumn gratia
I've been accepted into the Celadon artstaff :)

*my collection of pretty people pics is slowly growing :)
Jesse Bradford (poor boy) has been ripped out of the entertainment section and ceremoniously plastered to my closet door. it's pathetic that I'm limited to newspapers but I don't mind. I'm too much of a cheapskate to print or buy posters anyway (and that bit about the posters is academic. I'm not such a fangirl that I'd buy posters... it seems freaky to me for some reason *shrug*) Funny thing though... my picks-> Otavio Licad Meneses, Adam Brody, and Jesse Bradford look... well a bit alike.. hehehe... and to my roommates they look Jewish (??) I am now the anti-Nazi. Ah well... I'd take being a fan girl to a fascist any day thank you very much.

-prosepusher-

August is here!

2007-08-01T00:41:00.000-07:00

Some significant things have happened recently, though I couldn't find the time to blog and I'm still running short of time now (I suppose this is what I get for killing him) this is gonna be another bullet post:

*dates to remember
Aug 3--- CFA GA! yeah boy...
Aug 20 and 27---- long weekend!!! for once I actually like GMA.
Sept 15---- Avenue Q in Manila!!! mah gahd. the only thing that could keep me from that is an accounting lt. (dear lord, please no) speaking of accounting...

*It's a bitch.
I got the results for the first accounting long test and well... it's way below less than satisfactory let me tell you... or rather let me not. at least not in detail. all you need to know is that I flunked, stressed myself out for 2 days, called my parents, stressed about it for 3 more days, and decided to shift out by the end of the week. So, I am no longer in the honours program, and I'm learning to deal with that. But really, my out of h world looks... I dunno... brighter? This way I can aim for latin honours and be more active in my orgs. There are still the lurking feelings of disappointment, inadequacy and general self-deprecation but I've bundled all of those into a little black bag and tucked it under my spleen to rot away into nothing. Though on second thought I should probably find a better place for it if I don't want the stuff floating around in my bloodstream.

*Math's a a bitch too
I got my second B in a row. well... that's not bad you say, but then again neither is it good. And I mean if the whole point of shifting out of h is to pursue latins then well were not doing a really great job just yet are we? I need to bump it up a notch. naks... I keep saying that but well...

*On the org front

I got accepted into heights!! :D *rush of giddiness while bopping around in my seat.* I am now an official art staff aspirant weeeeehhh!!!! I've 2 contributions so far Solitude and Eleanor Rigby

Plus, I've gotten the job of decor head for celadon's upcoming midautumn gratia. I guess that's rather exciting as well. And theres a CFA GA this friday which I'm sort of decor cohead of... sort of because I'm not officially a member of the committee. Trish just pirated me cuz she was up to her ears in it and needed help. Her real cohead's sorta inutil so I picked up the slack... it's basically just the 2 of us doing all the decor stuff...

*First college field trip!
we had it yesterday :D spent around 50% of it bumping around in the bus but it was all good... We went to Ilog Maria bee farm and then to Gourmet's organic food farm and then to the Gardenia bread factory. with , a couple of stop overs here and there. The organic food farm was probably the most interesting since it had not just food, but BEARCATS!!! hahaha... there really is such a creature I swear. It sorta looks like a big hairy mongoose actually but if they want to call it a bearcat then that's fine. We stopped at gourmet's for lunch and though the bearcats were cute, in all fairness to the food, it was VERY good. as in uber good... na inspired gud ko mu kaon ug salads. Amazing yes? The whole thing was really fun though I was rather disappointed that no one got stung at the bee farm. I mean I was so ready for it O.o hehehe... sorta evil of me I guess but whatever. I ended up buying a boat load of stuff too by the way... all food -.-; ahe..ahehehe...

*hello little kiddies...
also had my first LTS area. The ride to and from the area was (as I keep saying these lately) a bitch. hot and smoggy and with Hazel napping on my shoulder, her heavy head lolling around like a dunk at sea. But the school itself was much nicer than I expected. It was big and relatively clean and the children (well mostly anyway, there'll always be one or two little boys who seem to have a permanent film of dirt surrounding their person) weren't grubby. My kid's name is Liezel--or at least my kid for that session. I was in the wrong classroom sooooo... that sorta screwed things up a bit but the little girl was nice :) and shes receptive and not nearly as hopeless as I thought my kid would be. I was having nightmares about having to teach a smelly kid with glazed eyes, a blank expression, snot crusting around his nose and who was speaking like a troglodyte. It's true that Liezel seems to be slightly wanting in the oral hygiene department, but shes a relatively smart girl :) she got a 133 on her Dolsche (mao ba?) test. So all's well in the world. Unless of course they don't allow me to keep her when I transfer classrooms and hand me the troglodyte after all.

-prosepusher-

So much so little

2007-07-12T03:45:00.000-07:00

So much to write about, so little to say

So much has happened, so little has been done

So much to do, so little desire to do it

So much frustration, so little release

So much of you, so little of me.

The first three pertain to school--> Chinese, LS, Math, Filipino Accounting (Hell)I need to get serious. I need to step up. I need to organize.

Speaking of Organize, I need to clean up all my shit. My quarter of the world is a frikkin war zone. Clean clothes that I haven't put away in the closet, piled up on the chair under my laptop bag, its zippered mouth gaping up at the dusty ceiling, the charging cord hanging out like a lolling tongue. Its plug end is jammed in with the rest of the tangled mass of electronic roots soaking up the juice from the wellspring of my extension cord. Chucks out on the floor, under the chair, under my MWF bag, alongside my recently busted sandals lying sad and defeated in the corner. I have oodles of books (some of which I don't even use any more) and papers scattered across the desk in various subject combinations: A Sci10 handout pressed between the pages of a Chinese book, LS notes on a random page from a ratty green Math notebook,The horrors of Filipino and Accounting mixing in one wrinkled mass of paper printed with the essence of evil itself. Crap of all kinds is pouring out from the desk compartment. While papers and CDs and books and knickknacks and an empty barquillos container are scattered in various states of disarray on the different levels of the shelf that was supposed to help me keep tidy.

Ha.
Nice try though.

I will clean it. for the sake of my sanity I will clean up my pigsty. (I can't be a happy piggy otherwise)

The last 2 pertain to my "pisting inahak nganu ganahan ko nimu" crush (as opposed to your regular or happy crush)

To the person in question: GET OUT OF MY HEAD. Its messed up enough without you in it.

-prosepusher-

I'm not crazy. I already took my pills for today.

Killing time

2007-07-06T00:36:00.000-07:00

Killing time. I was going to blog about something else but now that I’ve said it wouldn’t it be cool? Killing time.
To hold time by the neck, hanging him over the edge of the tallest building you can find, squeezing and squeezing until you can see the tears in his eyes and that annoying vein that pops out of your forehead. He’ll kick and he’ll wheeze and you’ll laugh. Laugh out loud, because you’re killing time. And as his lifeless fingers drop from their vain clawing at your fingers and wrists, and as his eyes glaze over you will know that it has finally been done. You can get on with all that truly matters in life since you no longer have the option of killing time. You can no longer kill time because time, is dead.
His head lolls back on his now limp neck and you let go. Let him fall. Watch him fall, turning over and over and blurring in and out of focus, convulsing in some strange time warp like blur, in and out of sight until somehow, all the way from the top of that empty shell of a building, you hear him hit the pavement with the ominous tock of a grandfather clock and what remains disintegrates with the rushing sound of sand flowing through an hourglass. And the winds will come and blow time away, the little bits of him flying, carried on the wind swirling in sad beautiful arcs and dips now and then catching the glint of the dying rays of the six o'clock sunset.

Cheers to spontaneous emo vomit.

Ramble

2007-06-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

I don't seem to have anything particularly profound to write (but that's nothing new really) maybe I should ransack a Buddhist temple for some profundity. I don't know why, but they seem like the kind of people who'd have a lot of it, what with all the meditating they do. They're probably hiding it somewhere in a big vault behind the large, ever present stone Buddha. yeah...

I can see it now...

I sneak in in the middle of the night wearing all black and a sock over my head (you know the stretchy see through-ish kind? cuz well I don't have a proper ninja costume for slinking or a ski mask... and even if I did know where to get one, why would I get something that I'm probably only ever going to use once eh?) And of course I trip some sort of chi powered laser line and then all the monks jump out from shadows that I didn't even know were there and the wind (that only just showed up for special effects purposes) blows at their flowy orange robes, lifting up the hems just enough to reveal those cool looking monk issue sandals that have, for the purpose of kicking my ass, been fitted with poison cleated soles (O.o) Then like some Chinese epic movie they all jump into the air and start screaming Hiiiiiyyyaaaaa! or any number of monkish things... like Ohhhmmmm or sharabalahoohhhaaaahuum.... but the last two don't exactly sound very menaci9ng so they'll probably stick with Hiiiiiyyyaaaaa... And for the nth time this sem I will have wished I took some p.e. other than swimming.. In this particular case running would have been far more useful.

Speaking of swimming...

have you ever wondered how long it takes to scramble out of a pool, grab your clothes from the bleachers, run into the changing room, strip, change, run back out, grab all your stuff and then brisk walk (as if there's energy for anything more than that after 45 minutes of effort full splashing around in cold chlorinated water) from the covered courts to SOM 211?
The answer is 16 God awful minutes.
And after all that I, dripping, bedraggled and obviously TIRED, have an hour and a half with this lovely old woman who upon closer inspection is maliciously vindictive and says hoooookaaaayyy a lot more than I think is allowable for anyone to say in a hour and a half's belligerent bludgeoning of students with hell's pet project known as Accounting.
Her name is Venus Ibarra and I hope that one day she will die a slow and painful death. maybe someone can stake her with an icicle of holy water eh?

It's not that I particularly hate the subject, but I'd be lying if I told you I enjoyed it. (It's probably such a big lie that I could get shunted off to hell right now If I say it) Accounting isn't pure evil. just highly concentrated. It isn't something that you hate but more of something that scares the shit out of you. Something that inspires terror in the hearts of, well relatively, innocent SOM students. which makes Ibarra more or less the BMH equivalent of the boogie man.

But at least my other teachers don't bear quite as strong a resemblance to hell's spawn as she does. I am afraid of my Filipino teacher but that's really mostly because he's my Filipino teacher. And anyway he looks more like Stanely Tucci than hell's spawn. (If you squish the face horizontally I'll bet you can see it.. and no its not just because they're both bald.)

Side notes:

Applied for heights yesterday, interview went pretty well :D yay!

97% sure someone stole my USB (brand new, 4 gig with the scans of my heights application art in it and one of my pretty shoelaces as a strap) form RSF :o Pakshit.
missed my NSTP Orientation :\ uhhrrrmmm
Almost done with Good Omens :) weeeeehhhh
Almost have FMA the movie in my possession :O mahhhhh gaaaaaaahhhd!!!!
My laptop is acting up (why does all technology hate me?)

Kick ass summer

2007-06-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a looong time and my system is starting to get clogged from all the words piling up around in my brain. I learned so much over the summer and there are all these new ideas that pop up and are bouncing around in my noggin starting to spill out of my ears. I can honestly say that I've grown. Obviously not in the literal sense... or well technically at least not vertically literally cuz since I got home all my parents have been doing is feeding me, so possibly horizontal growth has been achieved but you know what I'm trying to say.
For all that it was hard, harrying and one of the most stressful times of my life (I didn't have time to post anything after that initial one 3 days into the foray) summer 2007 was good. I remember someone telling me not to take summer class this year and to cherish my last "official summer" but I'm so glad that I never got the chance to take his advice. I wouldn't exchange an 'official summer' for the one I had in a million years.
Things Ive done over the summer that made it possibly the best summer thus far:

1.I've made bundles of new friends: Particularly my summer Siamese twin Trish. It's pretty amazing how close you can get to someone when you see them every single day for a month and a half. It's also amazing how contagious my neuroticism is... Neither of us will ever be the same... sorry bout that Trish ;p
Plus there's all of my Fil12 blockmates. Again, amazing how close you get to people you see everyday for 6 weeks... not to mention bonding under pressure, and hooo boy was there a shit load of pressure. :) I just feel so warm and fuzzy inside thinking of these people. If I were black (which I apparently am not so forgive the following expression...) I'd be calling them all my homies :) props you all... yo
2.I've Aced 2 long tests on 2 hours of sleep:
Namely History and Filipino (well technically a B in Fil but with Capilos that's as good as it gets so I'd say that I aced it relatively speaking) I have never ever ever had to and have never ever ever studied for something like that before and it just makes me smile to think that I kicked ass on both of those tests. with the aid of coffee!!! wweeeeeehhh!!! hahahaha... I have drunk coffee... or at least, what passes for my definition of coffee... shut up Trish... (1 cup milk, 3 spoons sugar, and 1-2 spoons coffee :D lovely yes?)
3. Ive written a research paper... IN TAGALOG!:
Hell yeah!! And I am damn proud of that paper too!!! 10 whole frikkin pages of Tagalog practically all by yours truly (I was supposed to have a partner but he didn't turn out so well...) I slaved over that paper and Sir had better have given it a B. But his rating aside, I thought it was pretty damn good. The sense of accomplishment you get from doing something like this, conquering you fear and making peace with an old enemy (that would be Tagalog) gives any related endeavor a certain intrinsic value that, as such, cannot and should not be questioned.
4. I've actually earned my own money:
And that's a lot more than i know most of my peers have done. Not like for the whole summer but I actually did get my very first "job" :D I was commissioned by Walther to do a caricature of his family's European tour group and got paid 3,000.oo php for it. Imagine that! I'm actually amazed he paid me that much. O.o I would have been perfectly thrilled with half of that but oh mah gahd. :D being a stupid ass I didn't get a copy of what I drew but that doesn't change the fact that i did get paid for one of my drawings which is a huge deal for me.
and last but not least cuz I'm starting to feel the length of this post...
5. I have been inducted into the world of Dungeons and Dragons.
It is flat out cool. Dorks be ye who deny it! Just two sessions (which roughly translates to 16 hours... its an all nighter sort of thing you see) and I am officially hooked. I plan to download the PHB (DnD speak for the Official players hand book) off of the internet and read up on how to buff up my character. My overall goal is to turn my currently level 10 druid into a nuker. muwahahahaha.... I love my character. And i love my party mates :) well with maybe one or two possible exceptions but hey, you can't be expected to love everybody right? I'm actually itching for a session but the various members of the party have retreated to their respective provinces... we might try a ym session but I'm not to sure how that's going to play out.

:) Five official reasons (well official given that I'm the authority in question... but thats not really a statement you should be pilosopo-izing...) why my summer kicked ass... :() I'm not sure whose ass has been booted but my summer was kewl... oh yes it was :D

Summer classes

2007-04-18T02:12:00.000-07:00

Hahaiz... I haven't posted in well... ages, but I'm back for another obscenely long post. :D

It's only 3 days into the month and a half of summer classes and I can already feel it getting to me. Earlier this afternoon I found my mind wandering around aimlessly like a disoriented sheepdog in a cornfield (I don't know why this is the image that comes to mind but it seems fairly accurate), and thinking some very strange things: none of which were related to the ITM class I was supposed to be paying attention to. I'm sorry Sir Keh... It really isn't anything personal. It's just that computers have never liked me and I have definitely never liked them. Therefore, it logically follows then that I also would not enjoy hearing about computers (...they probably wouldn't enjoy listening to a discussion on me either but thats a silly rhetorical thought).

On the other hand, we have my morning subjects namely History and Fil.
Now, I have always enjoyed history much in the same way that I have always enjoyed reading stories. For the simple reason that there is a certain magic that comes with each and every story. The idea of there being more in the world (or in others for that matter) than the things that make up my dull little bubble of existence. i.e. dorm, food, school, sleep. Not inclusive of the bubble is my social life since it has officially entered a coma and I am fast losing hope of ever reviving it. The only person I really hang around with is Trish and that's just because she has the terrible misfortune of being in every single one of my classes mwahaha... she can't escape. I would very much like for it to wake up and I'm keeping it on life support for now but I'm getting the feeling that a DNR form will be in order.

Where was I? Ah yes... history. I have Western History every morning at 9:00 in Berchmans 305. It's rather humid and noisy, and frankly I'm starting to get sick and tired of the damn place (I've had it for 3 subjects already) but the subject itself is wonderful. Our teacher, Mr. Tirol (who looks like Uncle Fester with a buzz cut and sounds like the comedian Rex Neverette) is probably one of my favorite teachers. He's animated in class, swears and makes jokes at least once every 7 minutes (no, I haven't actually timed him. uh duh.---> hahaha its so sir Capilos!! ;p I'll get to him...) His take on history is fresh and focuses on Why and How rather than the What Who and Whens were so used to. Sir Ruiz and Sir Paqs (Awww... now that I'm not their student I'll admit to loving these old dafties to bits :D) also emphasized the Why and How but in our class now, its the focus and I think it's wonderful :D

After an hour and a half of that (everyday--->theoretically wonderful but a wee bit draining in reality) I trundle 2 doors down to Berchmans 307 where I have an hour and a half of Filipino. I'm still crap at speaking Tagalog (conyotic doesn't really count now does it?) but at least the general consensus is that I'm getting much better. I actually go a B+ last sem. Don't start singing my praises just yet. It must be said that Sir de Guzman is one of the most Buotan teachers in the world and is mind bogglingly lenient in addition to that... but... yeah... I got a B+!!! mwahahaha... so happy..

Anyway, Sir Capilos. Scary as Hell. My face crumpled in despair when I read the name at the top of the syllabus Mr. Jelson Estrella Capilos. I'm not going to lie, I'd heard a whooooooole lot about him. There was a moment of abject terror followed by numb despair. The same thing I think a skydiver would feel after jumping out of the plane to find that his parachute had given out and he was falling head first into a patch of big pointy rocks. And the cherry on top of all that was that I, for some unfathomable reason--most likely a badly timed moment of complete and utter insanity-- volunteered to be a beadle. I left class the first day thinking:holy cow turds what have I done? what have I done?? followed closely by a cry of internal anguish and several minutes of kicking myself... figuratively of course, seeing as I hardly have the flexibility to literally kick myself.

But surprisingly--and I'm not just saying this in case he reads this--which is highly unlikely given the fact that I didn't put my blog address on the index card we passed yesterday (thank heaven for the small mercies like occasional foresight). I actually like Sir. He's funny in his own way and quite frankly nowhere near as menacing as I first expected him to be. He's actually... nice. You can scoff if you like but I really think he is.--Granted this deduction has come after only 3 sessions, but so far he's been really patient with us, he jokes, even going so far as to poke fun at himself, and tries to be as accommodating as possible. True, his penchant for saying "uh... duh" is rather snooty (that's as close as I can translate mataray) but I think it's more of a mannerism rather than a deliberate attempt to make someone feel stupid (though it does accomplish it quite well). I don't know... I suppose we'll just have to wait and see but I'm extremely optimistic about it all :D

I'll have to end this here since it appears that the absent minded creature that is my elder sister forgot her bath things and alarm clock in my dorm and I'm therefore going to have to drop off at Diliman and make a delivery... sigh... why do I feel like her nanny? >.< style="font-style: italic;">would she do without me? tsk tsk tsk... ah well... fare thee well until I write again :D

-prosepusher-

post valentines ire

2007-02-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

I am single.

No, this is not a desperate cry for any and every male within a hundred mile radius to come and alleviate this condition. It is simply the statement of a rather obvious fact. Frankly speaking, if you aren't geekishly adorable, and into books, art, and rock'n roll, I'd appreciate it very much if you stayed right where you are.

This post is not about my need for a boyfriend, but rather my need to have people stop telling me about theirs. Everyone is turning me into their emotional toilet. Case in point, a good friend of mine has come to the point where the only thing she wants to talk to me about is the newly found love of her life and all the drama entailed in this discovery. He's so handsome. He's so sweet. He's so hot. He's so god damn wonderful. alternated with: I'm not sure about the relationship. I have these insecurities. Is he manipulating the situation? Repeated non-stop until my brain shrivells into a tiny little dried up prune and falls out my abused ear. Up until this point I really enjoyed spending time with this girl. Right now she's just bugging me to death.

Sadly that last statement was an exaggeration. And I say sadly because if she actually did literally bug me to death, and I died, I wouldn't have to put up with her yapping anymore.

I used to think that I was a wonderful friend and would take joy in any of my friends conquests in the uncharted (for me anyway) dimensions of boy-girl relationships. Barring recent circumstances, I was. But now, the sight of my love drunk peers inspires much loathing, blood lust and thoughts of genocide, within me. Blood and gore running through the streets, literally painting the town red. That is the color of love after all.

In light of this, it seems that a change to the first statement of this blog post is in order...

I am a bitter single.
...
A very, very bitter single...

As hell week approaches

2007-02-19T01:06:00.000-08:00

As Hell Week appraoches...
We must learn not to freak out. We must learn not to freak out. We must learn not ot freak out.

We must learn very quickly.

It seems that I have a lot coming up for me this week, and it'll probabaly spill over into next week as well. Half of it all is Eng/Lit related (Thank you so much Sir Exie) but Im not really here to rant about that. :) *people reading let out a sigh of relief* In fact I'm not here to rant at all. *people reading visibly relax* Having sad that, I must confess that I do not in fact know what I am here for. * cue whop3x music as readers simultaneosly hit their foreheads with the heel of their hands*

I guess this is another lala post. I just sorta felt the need to write something. Anything. I have to submit a paper by this Friday and well... I think it would be helpful if I were to oil the gears so to speak, sharpen the saw, get those creative juices flowing, stretch out my writing muscles, get the ball rolling, get back into the swing of things, ... starts running out of metaphors... To uhmm... rev up the old engine, warm up to the idea, get back on the horse ...is at a loss... uhhhmmm... trick the turtle out of its shell and coax the cockatoo into saying something profound. ?? Haaaaayyy... would that I did have a profoundly intelligent well-spring of information and inspiration albeit in the form of a cockatoo. It would be rather cool if I do say so myself. Okay... that was lame... and yes, I just used the word lame. that in itself is lame as well.

I seriously have the great fear that all my communication skills are going down the crapper. My bisaya gets bulol. My English is fading into conyoticisms and my Filipino... was probably lost to begin with so lets not even get into that. -sigh- What's wrong with me? (And yes I know that there are infinitely many answers to that particular question but in the spirit of non-pilosoponess let's confirm that that was a rhetorical question.)

time has passed in the typing of this nonsense. Which makes me think of waiting for Godot... In a way it was a very good play. And in other ways It was shall we say... uhmmm... not. I may write about it in the future whilst waiting for my own Godot if I don't feel too lethargic (the chances of that happening don't seem particularly good though ;p wakekekeke) Its funny how that stupid play sticks with you... Hahahaha...

Sorry... inside joke... with myself.

I seem to have a lot of those. ;p muhahahahaha....

Anyway. Lest you all decide to kill me just to make me stop writing gibberish I think Ill stop here. God I'm out of practice. The whole post is crap really. But since you dont know where I live at this point in time, Ill take comfort in the fact that you cant come after me and kill me for posting something as bad as this :D

How time flies

2007-02-12T01:51:00.000-08:00

I cant believe its been almost a month since my last post. if you can call that a post, that is. Hahahahaha... So I guess I'm a bit tired of being emo (it is sort of draining isn't it?) and i wanted to make a lala post :) about what you say? Good question!

Ehhhmmm you don't happen to have a good answer do you?

sigh... I guess I'm just a little out of practice. Talking on and on in relative coherence in a jolly manner isn't as easy as all we jolly people make it out to be. Or it could just be that I have a problem with it, in which case you should go find a more adept jolly person :) The first and most obvious topic that comes to mind is Valentines (what with the date proximity and all.) Hey, not all blogs have to be profound. And if you want one of those, well, go look up a Buddha blog... road to enlightenment stuff should be rather profound right? Yeah... So anyway...

In case you have just come out from under the rock where I have been spending my days, Valentines is only two days away! And everyone (to a certain degree, on some level) is thinking one word. A word that assails everyone at about this time of year, surrounding them in a mist of frills and pink rose scented mist. a single one syllable word made of four measly letters with boatloads of connotations attached, as well as the power to illicit a wide range of reactions. From the timid blushing smile of a young school girl, to the cuss screaming axe waving rampage of an enraged bitter single. ah yes. That word.

Love.
The L- word.
And you all thought the F-word was bad.

Well as Gogo (sorrry ah, nag discuss man gud mi ug Waiting for Godot... they were right it is the play where nothing happens... twice) would say: "Nothing to be done." Valentines is coming and its not like you can stop a world wide holiday (though how cool of a super villain would you be if you could right?) So the best you can do is roll with the punches and laugh at this silly holiday straight in its metaphorical face.

MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

Admittedly it doesn't have that much of an effect but there you have it.

Sigh... anyway... I have a plan! and it is a lovely plan indeed!! *cackle cackle* of course... I can't tell you about it or anything... otherwise it would lose its amazing-ness. lolz... okay so it's not that great of a plan but whatever... (Dear lord am I starting to sound conyo?) bleeecchhh... anyway, yeah... I do have a plan... but you know about those plans that simply cannot be bulgar-ed on the internet, lest everyone discover the plan and spoil the surprise of it all? It's one of those plans...
Then why--you would sensibly ask me--did I even bring it up in the first place? Yet another good question!! And again, if you want a good answer you're going to have to give it yourself. ;)

Hahahaha... anyway.. that's all folks. back to the analog world I go... :) this wasnt such a bad rebound post if I do say so myself... :)

-prosepusher

Irritated depression

2007-01-17T05:38:00.000-08:00

Why do I even bother?

NOTs

2007-01-11T06:31:00.000-08:00

Your designation is NOT your job description.

Just because were lower than you on the fucking flow chart does NOT mean that we are your lackeys.

We are NOT suppossed to do all the legwork while you loiter around sitting pretty on the sidelines.

This is suppossed to be a team effort. You do NOT just show up when you feel like it.

You do NOT have the right to lecture us on what we should have done and how its all wrong when weve been doing the best we can WITHOUT any help from your sorry asses.

Being busy with acads is NOT a viable excuse. Especially since your not as busy as some who still make time for this.

You do NOT have the right to patronize me and even less than that to be condescending.

Go stuff a durian down your skinny little throat you insufferable bug eyed bitch. And would that your itoy follows suit. Its NOT like we would miss you.

I know who Im reffering to. maybe you do too. I dont give a damn. more importantly, Im NOT taking any of it back.

I am NOT a nice person. If you throw shit at me it sure as hell is coming right back at you.

The painful truth...

2006-12-22T06:02:00.000-08:00

I've been stealing a lot of posts lately... this particular one is a deviantart submission from one of the people I'm watching. it hits a cord somewhere to the right of my left ventricle. Basically its true. I wish it werent but it is...

Just like the movies

Love isn't like the movies
If it was you would've realised I was
The One
For you and we'd all be living
Happily Ever After
by now

Love isn't like the movies
If it was you would've noticed all
My Smiles
And have fallen secretly
In Love
With me too, but be
Too Nervous
To act on it

Love isn't like the movies
Not everyone has a
Best Friend
They can fall for
And not everyone is secretly
Beautiful
But hidden under
'Ugly'
Glasses, braces or clothes

Love isn't like the movies
Not everyones
Lies and Deciet
Can be so easily forgiven overnight
Not all problems can be solved with an
"I Love You"
And sealed with a Promise and a
Perfect First Kiss

Love isn't like the movies
I'm no
Princess
and my
Prince Charming
Isn't staring me right in the face
While I pursue someone who
Isn't Worth My Time

Love isn't like the movies
Because if it was you would read this
And chase me as I speed away in a
Yellow Taxi
To tell me I was wrong
That you love me
Forever
And that love is
Just Like The Movies

Long time no see

2006-12-20T04:54:00.000-08:00

"Long time no see! How are you?" I don’t know. I never know. Do I have to feel a particular way? Why do you care all of a sudden? I though I was just that annoying little bisdak girl in the front row of the class, mouthing off at inopportune times, never making any sense. Just saying anything and everything and laughing like an idiot when she’s not looking like one.

Why do you care all of a sudden?

I hardly ever see you and you never see me. You know my name but you don’t know me. In the great uproarious turbulence of your life, full of drama and suspense, there is no room for me. You know of me but you do not see me.

I see you.

I see you everywhere. When I turn back towards my table, you are off there in the distance talking to one of your many friends. When I stare out the window trying to daydream of something other than you, you are there. When I stare at the blackboard that for some reason is green I see you.

I see you and I see her.

I do not know her but I see her. I see her whenever I see you. I see her all the time. She is always with you hovering like a protective shield around your person. It wards people off. I cannot get in. I cannot go where I want to go, be where I want to be.

I want to be with you.

I want to be with you, and be where you are. Even though I don’t know where you are or where you are going. I don’t know why you are going, when you are going or who is going to meet you when you get there. But I don’t know where I am going if it is not with you.

With you time stops

When I am with you, when I see you, time stops. There is nothing else, just me looking at you... looking at her. The world stops spinning and my heart stops beating. It stops beating and it starts breaking. It has been breaking for a very long time. I wish that it would finish breaking and just be broken. But it will never stop breaking because you will never see me the way I see you.

Long time no see? I suppose that’s about right isn’t it?

2006-11-28T00:34:00.000-08:00

This is a poat that Joan had on her multiply... I decided to steal it :D hehehe luv you Joanie ;x It was stolen from the original maker, a miss Sandie Low, anyway so I dont really hear a ruckus from my concious :) anyway, not all of it is true but a large portion is and I really lurv it :) ahaha... you know this is my 3 post in almost as many days... Does that mean Im getting addicted to blogging? Hmmmmm... I suppose of all the things to be addicted to this isnt so bad... ahahaha... anyway... get ready for another wonderfully long post.. ;p

WHAT ABOUT GIRLS?!
we LOVE the attention
we want cute boyfriends
no matter what we say, we always want to look pretty for you
not all of us like shopping (gasp.)
we love it when you place your arms around our hips
we are insecure of your ex-whatevers
we love to cry. (ahihihihihi)
we LOVE to make you jealous, but only in hopes to get you to come grovelling at our feet--- not in attempt to piss you off
we love it when you grovel at our feet :)
no matter how humble a girl may seem, compliments always make our day
if we really love our boyfriends, he's it for us <3
if a guy we really like breaks our heart, we may act like we don't give a damn anymore, but it's actually just a cover up for the period we need to get him out of our minds
we are ALL hopeless romantics.
we REALLY don't get PORN. (this is really true.. wel atleast for me)
we all have ONE FOREVER CRUSH (and most likely, we haven't told him yet-- which is also very true)
LOVE is our favorite topic--- not BOYS. (there IS a difference)
we all believe we are beautiful, but once we see someone prettier, we start losing hope in that belief (yeah.. y s dat?!)
we ALWAYS need re-assurance
WEIGHT isn't our issue--- it's SURFACE AREA! (lol)
we don't mind making the first move (you boys take too damn long!)(ok, i dont knw about this one.. hehehe)
we hate cute guys, who know they are cute. (arrogant, self-centerd... grrr...)
we thinks QUEERS are adorable :)
most of us are repulsed by the color pink, but hell.. we like it anyway.
we're scared of giving birth
when we say we're SUCKERS FOR BAD BOYS, we mean guys who LOOK notorious--- not those who actually are
our perfect guy would be someone with the aura of COLLIN FARREL (bad boy) but the personality of MOUTH MCFADDEN (sentimental geek)
we absolutely love SURPRISES! (my truest part)
if we act scared at the dumbest parts in a not-so-horror movie, don't laugh at us and think we're retarded, we just really want you to hold us and go "don't be scared, i'm here remember?"
our view on cute guys: THEY'RE ALL TAKEN :(
we love without condition, without barriers, and with no questions. (it sucks)
you know that girl, who you guys love hanging out with so much cause you say she's just like one of the boys?--- yeah.. well believe it or not, most likely, she LIKES... ONE of the boys. (hahahahahaha!! oh really?!)
we love to camwhore.
we all believe that all cute guys have mastered the ability to CAPTURE US, LEAD US ON, MAKE US BELIEVE, SCREW US OVER, and MANAGE TO REMAIN CUTE THE ENTIRE TIME.
yes, we love girl's night outs and just bonding with our girlfriends--- but we always like to end those nights with goodnight calls from our boyfriends.
we HATE having to ask someone out to prom
we know it's wrong, but we'd like it for two guys to be fighting over us.
we ALWAYS ALWAYS think we have a chance with our crushes (SAD)
we're stronger in every aspect, except physical.
we invest highly on our emotions (not good)
our hearts are made of jelly..
we honeslty don't want to, but we give you 2nd chances anyway
cupid loves teasing us
NEW CUTE GUYS are a surefire cure to forgetting OLD CUTE GUYS who just didn't make the cut
at one point in our lives, we all wanted to be on tv.
we don't like having EXs. if our first boyfriends could be the one, we definitely wouldn't mind.
we all remember our FIRST CRUSHES.
the boys we cry the most about are the ones who don't know we exist.
we compare ourselves with other girls all the time (it's a subsonscious habit)
we like putting smileys or hearts or make code names for the guys we like on our mobile phones
remember our FOREVER CRUSH?--- yeah, well he still doesn't know it. and you know what?... he probably never will.
you know if a girl is serious about a guy if she does nothing when it comes to making moves on him. she's that serious about him that she doesn't wanna do anything that could possibly fuck it up this time.
girls love hearing about sad love stories
when a girl is a flirt--- she just hasn't experienced the pains of real love yet.
when a girl doesn't flirt--- she's gotten tired of real love.
AND, when a girl is through with love---

you know it's because of a BOY.

My Christmas anti-wishlist

2006-11-27T01:21:00.000-08:00

I knew I told myself that I wouldnt read Ishees christmas wishlist... but I ended up doing it anyway... huhurrr... I love ishee blogs... theyre so fun :) hahahaha... anyway, releived be moi that my gift is not in fact on that list. I mean, come one, of you get someone somtheing from a list it just seems so... I dunno... effortless? Come on, put a litlle thought in to your gifts naman! Happy sila cuz its what they asked for but hindi ko ma happy giving a gift that they wont be surprised by.. so there. :P

Anyway, while reading Ishees blog I found the best quote in the world which I will share with you...

"adding insult to the injury na ata yan ha. adding salt to the wound. adding ketchup to the blueberry cheesecake. adding gravy to the shampoo."

Ang kulit no? Ahahahaha lurvit :D anyway, ishee was talking about things she didnt want to get for christmas and this particular sentiment is aimed towards receiving recycled gifts. Now, I am oppossed to giving people xmas wishlists but I do beleive that a list of things NOT to get is in order.

I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND DEEP FRY YOUR EYEBALLS IF YOU DO NOT HEED THESE GUIDELINES.

*Please do not get me anything furry. It gathers dust rather quickly and I already have 2 previously-white-but-now-grey cats doing that at home :)

*Animal prints are a no no....

*Nothing grape flavored or grape related. I hate grape. play it safe and dont get me anything related to fruits nalang.

*No food. I want something I can keep. My packrat instincts are adamant about this.

*No picture frames. No mugs. No figurines. Seriously, do you acually know anyone who wants to get soehing like this for christmas? How sad naman....

*I dont like useless things. If I wanted something whose only value lay in its visual appeal, Id paint myself a picture. And then get bored with it later because I cant do anything with it. figurines fall under this group.

*For the love of god do not get me earrings. I HAVE NO EAR HOLES. what am I supposed to do wih them??

*The only jewelry I wear is the necklace turned bracelet tht my brother gave me for my birthday. I feel no inclination to wear any other jewelry.

*Feel free to get me books but MAKE SURE THAT I DONT HAVE THAT ONE YET.

*I dislike plastic gifts... I dont know why...

*Im sorry beagle but I hate mickey mouse. and goofy and daffy and minnie and pluto and daisy and clarabell or whoever the heck else have you. If you even think popeye I will skewer you alive. The only acceptable cartoon character is garfield.

*Just as a precaution, I dont want you to get me anything living... or used to be living but is now stuffed/enbalmed or whatever...

*Like Ishee I ont want any recycled gifts. Ka pthetic ana oi... nuff said. recycled wrapper is fine.

:) Truth to tell, I dont really think Im that hard to shop for, mabaw ra man kog kalipay, just use your imaginations :D Happy shopping!!! mwah!

Mateo Rici

2006-11-25T02:07:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to do. My Physics lab teacher has yet to make an appearance and so, for today, everyone's off the hook. There are 2 classes worth of nutty teenagers who dont know whether they should be happy that they dont have class or irritated at having to wake up so early for nothing. Personally I would have liked to keep the company of my matress for a while longer than I did. He wasnt around last week either, and it makes me wonder if he even knows that we were there and he should have been too.

I toddle off on my own after my classmates leave for the terror of calculus. My nose having been too stuffed up for comfortable respiration, and my eyes being to leaky to focus on the blasted squiggles I knew in the back of my mind had to be numbers, I failed the diagnostic test last sem, had then been unceremoniously dumped into math one and am now a semester behind. I suppose its not sooo bad. And then again, there isnt very much I can do about it now, is there? Not really, no.

The errant blobs that I call my feet have led me to one of the newer buildings within the SEC complex area. As I push open the doors a frigid blast of wind hits me. A sharp contrast to the stifling heat of the outside world. Another contrast is that of sound. Or rather the lack of it. There seems to be a hush over every single person in the room, bent over a desk, not a sound escaping their lips or from anywhere else. The silence disturbs me. Not to mention the paranoid feeling that if I were to breathe, everyone would hear the rasping intake and pull pitchforks from their nether regions and stab me to death. The price of defiling this silent sanctuary.

Cautiously, I inhale. Not a sound. I smile to myself and am, for other than the usual reason, very happy that my nasal passages are clear. This mini triumph of breathing in hand, my confidence grows and I decide that I have the audacity to pull up a chair. I take 4 steps past a motionless figure, either a non-to-pretty statue left there as decoration, or a gangly bespectacled boy engrossed in his copy of "Enjoying Fiction" that big orange book that I bought and practically never used. I pull the chair from the table, lifting it off of the floor in the effort to minimize any noises and wince when I hear the dull scraping sound of the chair legs on tile as I settle my posterior into the seat.

I crane my neck around, looking for signs of life and irritation. None. No one seems to have heard me or that treacherous chair. Everyone is just as silent and unmoving as before. No steely glares, scowls, or looks of loathing. Most importantly, no pitchforks. I relax. The fear for my well-being slowly seeping away, taking the tension with it. My jaw unclenches and I begin to breathe again. I am safe.

Tentatively, I begin to settle down. I bring my big white notebook out of my bag, the doggy on the cover peering at me with its adorable still life eyes. Next, out of my pocket comes my trusty zebra super-fine tip pen, just between you and me I enjoy people noting my tiny handwriting and this pen helps with the job. Lastly I take my iPod out of my pocket and sticking the headphones in my ears get ready to press play and move into my own little bubble with the spell of silence closing in around me. But before I can start any of the music, horror of horrors there is a racket. My eyes widen as I look down at my right hand pocket, as it vibrates, the distended tone of spongebob squarepants screaming from the region of my hip.

Ah shit.

The spell shatters as I grope my pocket clumsily, frantically, deperately. The tone seeming more obscenely loud the longer it plays. my ears are still ringing as the tone is cut short. I look up sheepishly to find that all eyes have turned from their books to my face which appears to have turned its trademark tomatoe red. My cheeks burn with a furnace fueled by shame that is painfully etched all over my crimson countenance.

Now they react. Now they scowl and glare with a deep disgust at this noisy, oaffish creature. They'll be bringing out those pitchforks any minute now. Slowly, I rise from my chair mumbling apologies and back out of the room as silence returns.

I think Ill wait in the caf instead.

prosepusher

*an initial attempt at creative non-fiction*

Keeping the magic...

2006-11-15T23:25:00.000-08:00

Lately my thoughts keep returning to this particular memory when I was a little kid. Theres a morning news program coming on (Breakfast if Im not mistaken) and the host says, in this jolly voice, that there are only a hundred days left til Christmas! A panel appears on the screen with a stylized 100 surrounded by snow, reindeer, and christmas trees. This freakishly huge smile bisects my face and the rest of my day tingles with the magical feeling of Christmas. I pranced around like a mountain goat on crack, smiling at everyone I met and greeting them a happy holiday season. My older classmate had been irked by my little exclamations of glee and eventually he couldnt take it anymore. He grabbed me by the shoulders as I skipped by forcing me to face him. He glared into my eyes menacingly and snarled, " THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT CHRISTMAS. SANTA ISNT REAL. HE WILL NEVER BRING YOU PRESENTS AND ALL THE REINDEER IN THE WORLD ARE DEAD."

To a child of 7 this is like saying that the world is ending. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was speechless, pain and confusion etched across my fat little face. How could he say those things?? How could he say that Santa wasnt real?? Of course hes real! weve never seen him... and he cant bring us presents but thats only because we havent any chimneys in the Philippines! How could he just stand there and say that all the reindeers were dead?? They just lived in the north pole, thats all! Even if the dinasours are extinct surely there are still some reindeer! And to say that there was nothing special... about CHRISTMAS??! How could he say such horrible things and not be struck down by a tinsel covered lightning bolt where he stood?!! Then the indignant side of me acted up and a shouting match took place. "LIAR!!!" "AM NOT!"... we ended the discussion with me asserting that he was a moron as I stamped on his foot. He glared up at me as he coddled his bruised toes with a look that said "There is no magic. One day youll see that too."

That day, so many years ago, I thought it would never happen. Tinsel and lights wouold always make me smile. The smell of christmas cookies will bring joy to all those within a 5 meter radius. Reindeer would never be extinct. Santa would drop our gifts off through the window. Christmas would never lose its magic. Not for me. Never.

The date today is November 16 2006. There are only 39 days left before Christmas, and I keep wondering why I dont feel like theres anything particularly special in the air. Oh I know that Christmas is still a wonderful time of year, no classes, lots of food and not to mention the presents. The magic is still there. Its just not as strong as it was before. Tinsel makes me itchy and after last years LED light project for Electronics, Ill never look at series lights the same way again. I have yet to see a reindeer and Santa stuck with his chimney rule.

Now I know that, one day, the magic might die. Christmas may indeed lose its magic. But for now at least. . . I still feel the need to go Christmas shopping :)

-prosepusher-

short. not sweet

2006-11-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

My Last day in Cebu... going to spend it packing. After this class starts up again. Can't say I'm really looking forward to the new semester. A slight sense of dread is looming off in the back of my mind, slowly coming to the forefront. Keeping this post short to make up for the terribly long post previously. sigh... nothing for it then. things dont pack themselves I suppose.

-prosepusher-

le commute

2006-10-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

Remeber what I said in my last post about sitting placidly in the airport waiting for some nice man to announce that my flight was ready to leave? Well... Im sure the latter happened, but I was not sitting placidly when it did. Not by a long shot. That friday was to date the shittiest day Ive ever had. And when I say shit, I dont mean tiny little bird doo or even dog crap. Im talking diseased 62 year old elephant with indigestion shit.

8:00-
got up with a mixture of butterflies and anxiety. I had learned the day before that I had to revise my research paper and would need to spend some time in the library. But before that, I was assigned to 2 hours of community service for forgetting to wear my I.D. and not getting away with it. Oh... lovely. I made my way to RSF to look for statistics on the internet, and had a heck of a time finding a computer. After standing around like a dork for what must have been 10 minutes, silently cursing the people who had gotten there ahead of me, I was able to find a computer with no internet connection. great. by the time I did find a computer and a page of statistics, I looked up at the clock to see that it had already struck 9:00 my designated community service time. I signed off in a hurry printed the pages and jiggled off to ADSA...

9:30
They sent me to the Cervini business center, where they plunked me down in a chair and had me watch over the boys who came in to use the computers. Needless to say, none of them were the slightest bit pretty and having to sit down in one place for two hours with practically nothing to do and no onone to talk to isnt good for already frazzled nerves. I forgot to get the names of the people who came in. Under the coloumn for "customer" I ended up putting things like: Tolosa's student, guy with the afro, guy in blue striped shirt, bald guy, japanese anime guy.... It was rather ridiculous really. something screwed up with whatever the guys were printing... I ended up with 13 pages of "wastage" paper... Looking at the previous records, I discovered that it was an all time high. whoopdeedo for me. >.<; I was supposed to leave at 11:00 but i didnt know if I sould leave until the administrator lady came back... she didnt show up until 11:53 and it wasnt exactly a happy reunion when she counted the waste papers...

12:00
Food. The one saving grace of the day. My eyes were still puffy from my cold that had only let up the day before, and I felt the need to dunk my head into a barrel of ice water, but the food seemed to help. Crissy and her friend Crystal showed up after a while. Crystal was in for community service too. They made her alphabetize the records at cervini. It occurs to me that those things are supposed to already be organized alphabetically. Does that mean that they messed it up just so that she could alphabetize it again? ehhh...

1:00
Went to the lib and ran around looking for relevant resource material. didnt really find any.

3:00
got back to the dorm and had them call me a taxi for the airport. I spent the next hour sitting in the waiting area with my nerves eating me up inside. I started talking nonstop to crissy who I had recruited to take down the taxi's liscence plate and the drivers name. "shit. Im going to miss my flight. I sense that I am going to miss my flight. What do you mean calm down? I am calm. If the taxi isnt here in the next 3 minutes THEN youll see me needing to be calm. right now Im fine. I just cant stop talking. Im not entirely certain why, maybe it has something to do with the fact that IM GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT...." it went on like this for the next hour. The taxi was no where to be seen.

4:00
I couldnt take it anymore. I knew that I wouldnt be able to get a taxi on time and was starting to panic (okay maybe I had started panicking a while ago... lets just say I kicked it up a notch). There was a voice in the back of my head... It was Manong Erics voice. The taxi driver who took me to the airport last time.. "Kung ganahan sad ka makalakaw ug dali, mas maayo gamiton nimo ang LRT... wala man gud siyay traffic dai, nya mas makatipid pa ka ana..." (If you want to get somewher quuickly, it would be better if you used the LRT... It doesnt have any traffic you see, plus its cheaper...) This was ringning in my brain as I hopped on a tricicad and ordered him to make his way to the LRT. I was dragging my huge red duffel bag with me and it was freakishly heavy. I was huffing when I got onto the train and landed a seat. people were looking at me funny becuase of all my baggage. I was on my way to recto and from there I would get a taxi. I looked around nervoulsy when I got on to the train. I have only ever been on an LRT 3 times in the past, always with people from manila who took the LRT all the time and knew exactly where they were going. This time, I was alone save for Alice (who doesnt count since shes a guitar.) If I had any chance of getting on that plane, this was it.

4:30
The train ride had been uneventful albeit a little strained with the tension and peppered with alternating bouts of apprehension and despair. At least I didnt have to worry about anyone bothering me. I was seated snugly between an older gay man and the compartment wall. The little gay man had little boots a handbag and a big shiny watch. He had his pudgy manicured fingers resting peacefully in his lap and he seemed pleasant enough. At recto... I wasnt at all sure about what I was supposed to do, the helpful people at the station told me to hop onto LRT1 so that I could get to EDSA faster. I thankfully rushed off, and got to some sort of overpass structure. my shoulders were starting to ache from lugging around all my stuff. when I saw how far away the other line was I almost screeched. I was a little worried about where the hell I was, and it occured to me that if I got lost here I'd be doubly screwed. The panic that had receded on the line 2 ride quickly swelled up again. Thankfully nobody gave me any trouble. I felt harassed and I think it showed. I started muttering under my breath and cursing everything in sight. They probably sensed that if they bothered me they'd have a fiasco. Which is just what i would have given them.
Now, LRT line 2 is a pleasant train, bright and cool with purple detailing. and I was wondering why anyone would complain about the LRT. They kept on saying that it was crowded and hot and smelly, not to mention that it lurched around as if it was going to throw you off any minute. Apparently they were reffering to line 1 as I soon found out. I had been on the train for almost 15 minutes and I was getting jittery. Just then this lady got off the train and told me to sit in her seat. I didnt want to sit down. i expected to be getting off soon. "uhmmm... excuse me po, sunod na ba yung EDSA diba?" The other passenger just looked at me incredelously as if I was the most idiotic creature that she had ever laid eyes on. I looked around frantically for someone who would actually answer the question and this pleasant old man in the back mouthed at me "malayo pa." I turned around only to find that the seat that had recently been proffered to me was now occupied. My heart sank. It was quarter to 5:oo and my flight was scheduled to leave at 5:30.

5:00
I was on the verge of tears. Almost all the hope within me had died in the last 10 minutes. Just then the train stopped again and that friendly older gentleman from the back of the LRT got off. I felt as if my only ally was deserting me. He looked back over his shoulder and signed at me encouragingly. Only 2 more stops before EDSA. He gave me a small smile and a thumbs up. I almost cried then. I had been feeling like crap personified and this unexpected kindness was somehow overwhelming. I wondered briefly if he had ever been stuck in a situation like this before and was returning a kindness that was done to him back then. I gave an inward smile to myself as the train pulled into the EDSA station. If thats how it was I'd be sure to pass it on.

5:20
From the station I was able to hail a cab and make it to the airport and they did give me my ticket. But when I got to the counter they said that they couldnt help me. They had closed off my flight and I wouldnt be able to go home. The best they could do for me was make sure that I didnt get stuck with a no-show fine. At this point I had hardly expected anything else but it still hurt to hear it finalized. The pristine surroundings in the airport seemed to pale and blur as suffocating pain seemed to squeeze at my heart. apparently I was crying.

5:45
I quickly got my receipt and thanked the clerk who smiled at me apologetically. My flight was quickly rescheduled to the next day at 9:00. I turned on my heel and wiped off my tears as I wheeled my little trolley off to the elevator. I would not be going home today. The lost child within me had had just about enough. i was more peeved and frustrated than I had been in years and was more than ready to throw a tantrum. All that for nothing. The hell of manila commuting for nothing. I had so been looking forward to being home. To hugging my parents and seeing the rest of my family. Being fed my favorite comfort food and sleeping in my own bed. I had wanted so badly to go home. And I still wanted it. I got into the elevator breathing heavily wating for the door to close.

5:50
As soon as the doors closed I let out a little scream of frustration the tears flowing anew. I kicked the elevator and glared around looking for a camera that I could scowl into practically daring them to reprimand me. If anyone was watching I wanted them to know that right now that I didnt give a shit since I already felt like it. I brushed the back of my hand over my eyes in time for the opening of the elevator doors and stepped out trying to look nonchalant even though all i wanted to do was run back into the elevator and have a good cry. When the guard at the door wanted me to present the tags for my bags I snapped and replied nastily. "I would have tags IF I had actually gotten on a plane! however I missed mine so I would appreciate it if you didnt give me anymore trouble. If you insist on harrasing me about my bags Id be glad to see your supervisor!" I havn't used verbal lashings (which seem particularly effective in straight English or Bisaya) since I was in grade school. I had been exceptionally nasty back then and part of this supressed nature was peeking through and frankly I didn't give a damn. I glared him down and stalked off when he let me pass. I had smoothly transitioned from denial to depression and straight on into anger, though its not really supposed to be in that order.

6:15- 11:30
The next step is bargaining. I dont really know how I really got through that step. The only barganing I did was with a taxi driver over the price to makati. He turned out to be another bisdak guy and I marveled at how 3 out of the last 4 taxi rides I had in Manila were with bisaya drivers. AS soon as they learned I was bisaya too they started prattling off in bisdak, and somehow I found that strangely reassuring. I learned later from my mother that I seem to have a clearly bisaya twang of an accent, thus cluing the drivers in on my promdi status. And here I was thinking that I had been doing well with my tagalog impressions. hahahaha ;p
It had been arranged that I would stay with Auntie Moni for the night and she would have me picked up at makati. Specifically at rustans. With the traffic I wasnt there until an hour later and Auntie Moni's driver Mr. Carding wasnt there until 8:00. Then it took us another half hour or so to get to Auntie Moni's house.When she heard that I had missed my flight and would have to go back to Ateneo nalang, Auntie Monie had intervened and insisted that I stay with her for the night. This was very nice of her and made me feel slightly awkward. Shes not my actual aunt and so I felt a little embarassed for impigning on her hospitality. Eventually I reached acceptance and spent the night in the company of Julia watching Just my Luck. :) It seems appropriate in retrospect.

And here we have the story of my last day in Manila. I intend to cut off this obscenely long narrative here... so I can start another one.. :)

Wala na

2006-10-17T00:57:00.000-07:00

Theres a certain sort of comfort that comes from the feeling of your fingers puttering languidly across a clackety keyboard. Its a comfort that I had almost forgotten. with the barage of papers and all the computer related requirements I was even starting to associate the keyboard with stress and that feeling of desperation you get when you have yet to start your paper, and the deadline is within the next 48 hours. Ahhh... finals week. You came, and I suffered. But now, its over. Officially over. By this time on friday, I will be sitting placidly in the airport, waiting for the pleasant call man to announce my flight number. In less than 40 hours, I will leave Manila, return to Cebu, and bum my ass off for 2 whole blissful weeks.

I will watch 2 boatloads of movies, fry my brain with TV shows, pig out on home cooked meals, read the half dozen or so books that Ive been dying to read, laag with my family and friends, take long hot baths, squeeze my pats within an inch of their lives, update my loooonnng negected devart account and sleep so long that I start to collect dust. Ahhhh yes... The joys of bumdom are within my reach... Soon to be mine! MWAHAHAHAHA.... I have officially survived my first semester, away from home as a college freshman in the dreaded BMH course. I fully intend to use the 2 weeks for recuperation.

Wala na!! FINALS WEEK (and practically the semester) IS OVER!!! It bears repeating, really it does...

With that said, I shall now return to the place that I have come to call home for the past few months. and I will try to get a headstart on some of these things--particularly the sleep and the reading. Those are a couple things that simply cant wait. :D

Stresssss....

2006-09-27T02:21:00.000-07:00

Today is Wednesday September 27 2006. Though... the blog says that already doesnt it? O_o;

September 28- personal deadline for I.P. paper contribution (let's do this sh*t!)

September 30- Hope for the flowers
- Personal deadline for the Plant Care Project Paper

October 1- Basketball finals (Oh my god...)
-Personal deadline for the Sentece Outline

October 2- Joan's Birthday
- Deadliest Deadline: Sentence Outline
-HSBC talk (if ever I go)

October 4- Deadliest deadline: PCP paper

October 9- Deadliest Deadline: RESEARCH PAPER

October 13- Group paper
13- LIT 13 long test

October 16- Deadliest Deadline: RESEARH PAPER: FINAL
-Deadliest Deadline: Reading Journals

This is non-inclusive of org activities, other E.S. 10 stuff, Math and Fil deadlines....
which basically means I'd be scott free if I didnt have English...

Lord smite Abola... T.T

Trapped

2006-09-20T03:46:00.000-07:00

I feel so cold...

the sun has set

the night unfolds

Im on the net...

ngek.... and you people thought this would be another emo post didn't you? -admit it- Seriously though... my fingers are numb little sticks attached to the quivering lumps that I use as hands. It's so friggin cold. Its quarter to seven, and I find myself stuck in the airconned library because its pouring outside. ---> thus explaining my frigid condition.

Today was another "no class" day... not because there was no class per se, but because I didnt go to the one class I did have. Free cut again sa English and Lit and instead of ES I went to Kenny Rogers to hold an interview for my acursed research paper (...Lord Smite Abola---> my new mantra) Thats all really...

wait... the rain is stopping. I have to leave and run like a headless chicken to the dorm before it starts up again... It might be wetter outside but wet is definitely better than trapped freezing...

I see the light...

2006-09-19T00:15:00.000-07:00

"Though the sorrow may last for the night, his joy comes with the morning!"

thats a line from the praise song trading my sorrows by hillsongs (like theres any other) and its a super happy song, really... so is every move, but the message of this particular song is what got to me and perked me up :D

2 posts ago, i vented my frustration and wrote about things to be shot over. For this post ill be blogging about things to duck -and miss being hit by the bullet- for:

>>My sister came to visit me yesterday! hahaha... nya, gi-librehan pa ko ug lunch... I miss my family, so that little visit did wonders for my endorphin levels. I cut ES to hang out with her so that makes me doubly happy!!! mwahahaha... nagnu mu depressed ko magmiss ug ES? ka wa'y ayu ni Claveria ;p

>>While she was here, my sister bought me a book! yahoooo!!! I love my sister :D I have two boks lined up for reading now: AMISTAD- suppossedly this really cool emo book. and The Stolen Child, written by the author of 'the last Unicorn ;p light reading... now all I have to do is kill Abola so that I have more time to bum around and read....

>>I have found several books that prompt me to refuse to be shot until Ive read them.
-Dune Messiah
-Hey Nostradamus!
-If you could see me now
-Tipping point
-Waiting (possibly borrow from Enzo??)
-Sandman endless nights
-Going postal
-Geisha in Gion

extended reading list... Christmas hinthint to the people who love me ;p

>>We just had basketball kanina----> cancelling out my volleyball woes.

>> I feel infinitely better about my research paper...
I have not yet found the tunnel per se but Im currently on the road that enters the tunnel further along ;p my spirits have improved since I had a sort of interview yesterday with Maam Villa and shes reffering me pa to her other friend who Ill be meeting for lunch tomorrow (You're allowed 9 cuts for ES right?)

>> I pulled out of powermatch--> legitimately. and apparently Daryll ended up being partnered with Jeff so Im sure they did relatively well. I wont really know until i speak to one of them but yeah....

I dunno... I just feel so much better than I did on Saturday :O hehehe... ang labo noh? I never knew i was this emo pala ;p

we might actually get to see a proper smile tomorrow... :)

Like Sir Exie said "Theres a light at the end of the tunnel... and its not a train."

-note this is a diminished version of the original post.... blogger sucks sometimes...-

-prosepusher

Gugmang giatay

2006-09-16T01:25:00.000-07:00

And so here we have it.

My fancies have settled on a particular lout.

But we have some of the usual shit problems that I tend to have.

Im tired of this particular song and dance.

cant the higher ups play something else??

Fall Out Boy got it right...

I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive.
Now I only waste it dreaming of you.

But I think the ambassadors put it best...

"...GUGMANG GIATAY..."

Melting...

2006-09-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

I want it to be over.

Is it just me or is it tiring to be alive sometimes? Or at the very least, its tiring always putting up my little happy face. But then again thats whats expected of me. If I let it slip Im sure people would notice. And I know a few who'd make a fuss about it. Can't I be unhappy without people prodding me back into the act? Can you just leave me to be miserable for like a halfway decent period of time?? Do I not have the right to be EMO sometimes??!

Lately Ive not been smiling properly. and by properly I mean, smiling and meaning it. Ive just been smiling for the sake of placating the expectations. The smile Ive been giving out is my "just show your teeth and hope they go away" smile. They never get it right. The people I want to stay, have to or just end up leaving and the ones I want to dissapear over the horizon of infinity... are the ones who Im stuck with. I even have to sleep with one of them. Gawd. . . Shoot me. shoot me now. or better yet, shoot her. rawr... all I know is that some shooting has to occur. seriously.

Things to be shot over:
>pisting yawa na Volleyball club.
I wish I had never joined it. first of all, I suck at volleyball. secondly, I dont enjoy it. Thirdly it eats into time Id rather spend reading.---> another issue.
HOWEVER:
-Im not looking forward to telling coach about it, and I dont know how Beagle will take my rejection of her life love. plus, what about my pseudo friendly acquaintances? -.-;

>Powermatch
I dont like my partner. Okay wait... let me rephrase that. shes a nice person, but we bring out the worst debate results in each other. I sooooo want to back out. I really think Im going to. I love debating but Hell... gi-ahak nalang na inutil ming duha kung ipakuyog jud mi. Shit. maayo unta na ni kuyog nalang ko ni Frances. -_-;

>Research Paper
need I say more? really?

>All the things I have to do with a computer despite the fact that the laptop Lolo left is useless T.T I dont know whats wrong with it. This in itself is a major contributor to my problems with the research paper.

> Im starved for literature
Or should I say that Im drowning in literature that Id rather not be reading?? (by that I mean the resource material for my paper... Lord smite Abola...) Im starved for literature that i ENJOY. I havent read for pleasure, I havent read for the sake of reading, I havent read for ME in more than a month. Frankly speaking this is the longest Ive ever gone. I need my fix. and I need it SOON.

Im becoming a cranky little bitch with all these stress inducers. Id like to apologize in advance to the people I will be snapping at. Its not REALLY your fault. Sometimes I think how easy it would be to just fall asleep and not come to anymore. bleck.... I need my fix of happy music as well... wouldnt it be cool if I was like the wicked Witch of the West? All I'd have to do is step into the shower and start melting away.

-prosepusher-

Series post 2

2006-08-28T04:03:00.000-07:00

Family/Home Life

[_] I've sworn at my parents.
[_] I've run away from home.
[_] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[_] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[_] I've had children.
[_] I've lost a child.

School/Work

[x] I'm in school.<< almost literally all the time... ;p
[_] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.<
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.<< I.P., STEP competitions and Debate... all in the same month -_-; (Wake me up, when September ends!!!)
[_] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.<
[_] I've stolen something from my job.
[_] I've been fired.
[ ] I've skipped school.

Embarrassment

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.<< I laugh while snorting ^_^
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.<< my other hand... -_-;
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.<
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.<<>

-prosepusher-

Ambiguity...

2006-08-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago. . .

I heard something that interested me.

I was flattered but skeptical.

I heard something else that interested me.

I was flustered and told myself to be realistic.

Something interesting stirred.

I had to beat it down with a 2x4.

Something interesting happened.

I smiled a lot. . . but then, I do that all the time.

-prosepusher-

Sagala

2006-08-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

The time is currently 11:53 am. disregard what the blog time says. :) I have the happy opportunity to be posting at this point in time due to one happy fact: FiliPino FREE CUT!!! Aja! mwahaha... I finished lunch early (gets patted on the head by Ms. Vinrao later for abiding by the rules of proper dietary timing... :O) and now I have about an hour before my P.E. Now I havent written in about a week or so right? Hahay.... so much has happened in the past week. Theres so much to write and yet I know that If I get it all in you guys would put up a petition to close my blog for its numnerous and obscenely long entries. I wouldnt blame you honestly :) SO I suppose Ill have to do this in an installment basis... Here we go:

* The main reason this week has seemed so long and mercilessly full is the fact that I was helping out with Q1s sagala entry: ZUMA!!! *dramatic eeek2x music playing in the background* Hes a big green guy with snakes coming out of his trapezius (is that right?) muscles. He spends his time eating virgin hearts, raping them and whatnot... ;p scary stuff yeah?

:) I was there on Mon-Thurs helping out with the backdrop (I dont know where else they could have put me ;p). I hitched a ride to Enzos house with Ystacey, Jami and of course Pao... how can we forget Pao? duh... iyaha biya to na car @.@ Anyway, we left at mga 4:00 and got to Enzos house -extremely large and full of breakable things (I was very worried about my clumsy tendencies at first)- before Enzo got there... Not a lot was done that first day... mostly the foundation/ initial sketching... but hey when you look at it properly, thats a pretty darn important part of the whole process... We pigged out on pepsi, popcorn and pizza :) ahaha... plus enzo fed us more later (:O and I had promised Crissy that Id be her 'diet buddy' for the debut> Naks... :p ahaha... well dieting isnt my thing anyway... and neither is excercise ;p)
Im glad Mario asked me to come and help :) I almost forgot how much fun it is working on aproject like this... I havent done serious backdrop work since Aida (The Miss Saigon thing doesnt count-though I loved doing it, Go NEWTON!!- because... well, the whole thing was only three blasted colors for goodness sake...)
I ended staying late the last 2 nights... til mga 1 in the morning kapin :O... ahahaha... naa bitaw koy mahitch ;p.. Enzos dad brought us home the first time (hes such a nice guy :) ) and Pao drove on Thurs (hes such a nice guy :) )...It wasnt all joyful, I almost ruined my favorite pants mind you. I was hysterical for about 2 min after i saw the stain on the knee (thank God it wasnt textile @.@) but coming back to the real point of the whole thing, I really liked the finished output :) though honestly I didnt do as much as they kept giving me credit for.. Harvey did most of the igat2x stuff. I was just there to help out fill in paint ;p It was fun being there, I felt like one of the guys :o It almost always, ended up with me, Enzo, Harvey and Pao left behind at Enzos house (well Enzos prescence is a no-brainer @.@) Me the lone girl kunuhay ;p ahaha... we spent a lot of the time listenong to Enzos shockingly senti playlist :) He doesnt really look the type does he? :) I couldnt help but add gugmang giataty to his playlist. Go bisaya! ;p
The darnest thing was that I never actually got to see the live performance... Curse you Leloy!!! ToT I didnt get oput until 6:47 (I remember the exact time-I kept stealing peeks at my phone...) and when I got out they had been done for almost half an hour and everyone was packing up and leaving >.< d'oh!! I was peeved for like 3 seconds before I got over it. (Ces and Jami have videos anyway... so Im told... Ive yet to see them but I fully intend to)

>Ill be posting aobut Friday and Saturday night as soon as I can... (Friday was extremely interesting though I refuse to give any detailed information now, or in my next post. It was something we all agreed upon...)

Ahahaha... Ive got less than 20 min left before first bell... and I still have to walk to the cov courts... not to mention change... :) were the blue team again (I seem to play better in blue than white?? weird... It might be a fluke... Well see...) :) anyway.. I guess I better get this thing up and out before I run out of time. If Im late, it wont matter that I followed the proper dietary timing rules ;p
-prosepusher-

Eck...

2006-08-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

Shout out muna tayo: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISIT!!! (belated kay kahapon pa man, pero you get the point...)

SOOO... Interesting developments as of this noon starting from yesterdays news:

-Indegenous singing in the background is not condusive to prayer.
This is a brilliant realization that made itself apparent to us yesterday after Bro Wymer (tama ba?) had another one of his lessons on 'how to pray'. Frankly speaking, I didnt learn anything... T.T aside from the afore mentioned statement of course. I think it would have gone better if we used Heart of Worship by Hillsongs, but Im biased so feel free to ignore that particular opinion.

-I am extremely bothered by my English thesis.
I cant decide on a topic. and I need a sample bibliography by monday (@.@ wonderful, wouldnt you say?) I know that Resource distribution is easier to research on and way less subjective than a paper on religion or Taglish but come on... boring much?? >.<; eck eck... I have 24 hours to resolve this. -Had a good ADS (ei-di-es---->if you're going to be particular...) session yesterday.
it was about rebuttal so that might explain some of it ^_^

-Our facilitator (*****) was freakishly gwapo.
whichever angle you choose to look at him from, gwapo jud siya. Front, side, fortyfive degrees, backview, left, right... @.@ nya, super galing pa magdebate and discuss... Eck! freakishly gwapo talaga... (ogle-ogle)

-Birthday ni ISIT!!! wala jud xa nagsaba at all! nya gi librehan mi ug Shakeys! w00t!! ahahaha! bitaw, 3 and a half hours of full on bisaya-ness. Bisaya, Bisdak terminology, Bisdak jokes, recollections bout Cebu and sci-hi (hahaha... OP si Jon ;p) nya, grabe, adik camera! kodak moments galore... PLUS my favorite part:
Knock knock
Knock knock who?
SABAW!!! :D (rolling on the floor laughing my brains out)... lahi jud kuyog mga bisdak--->iba talaga sama sa mga bisaya

-SM North EDSA isnt that far away pala.
I went on a couple of errands with kibo (HAHA!!! Round one may go 'to you' but my checklist trumps yours!!! mwahahahahahahaha!!!) anyway, I can unwind, a little bit on that one aspect of my life...

-Nenen is having a despidida in T-minus 5 hours and 11 minutes.
Ive been debating on whether or not I should go or not. At first the issue was transpo, but apparantly thats been arranged.. then it was time, before I remembered that ISO has no curfew. And the current issue is: as far as Im aware; Chris, Beagle, Ishee, and Patti arent going... awkward much darling? uhhhh... Yeah... I sorta want to be there cuz, you know, I like Nenen, and its sad that shes leaving... but then... yeah... Disregard the lack of coherency... Lets just chalk it down to: I have the feeling that Ill be a liiiittttllee out of place.

Either way, I wanted to get her a goodbye gift (I like giving gifts. so sue me. >.<) and whether I go or not the gift will get to her, and thats what matters to me. I dont have to be there physically and suffer through a social gathering (Im very bad at dealing with parties.. enter introvert) for her to know that Ill miss seeing her around when shes gone. (no more de quiros debates!!! T.T)
anyway, the cards been signed and it starts with Im sorry I couldnt make it.... its down in writing. Its final. Its over. The end. Finito.

I still want to be there...

Mortified

2006-07-28T03:29:00.000-07:00

As strong and fully descriptive as this word is, I would like to say that it doesnt even come close to describing the utter humiliation and complete irrevocable shame that I am currently experiencing. My sensibilities and pride have been so scandalized that it has become a physical pain.
I was happy believing that I was good at debating. I was happy believing that articulation was one of my strong points. I was happy believing that I would have a bright future in the org.

I just came back from my first ADS session...
I am no longer happy.

Nah, Im just over dramatizing... It went fairly well. I have to admit I did feel a little stupid and as eloquent as a fungus encrusted log but thats to be expected when youre confronted with an actual Team A debater.. No, it was fine. Well, until the last part.

Our last excercise was a mock debate. The 'class' was cut in half and well, the situation was nuclear fallout. Only one of two people would survive this. It was either: Oprah or Glen (the ADS president) We were to debate on who deserved to live. We got Oprah.
3 minutes to make points and 3 minutes to present. My group picked me to debate (curses... I hate being the guniea pig). Now the kicker is that this isnt a debationg exercise. Its an exercise on manner. so while your debating, your facilitator flashes cards at you dictating the manner in which you are to debate. The following appeared:

-Seductive
-Evil
-Holy
-Bratty
-Happy

In that order. seriously speaking I was like what the flipping f***??! The first one threw me off my rocker and I just started yammering and over dramatisizing the whole frigging thing... It was ridiculous... word vomit... I couldnt have stopped myself even of I was aware of what I was doing. 2 seconds after the exercise this is the stream of conciousness that made its way across my mind...

Pistiiii!!! gi-ahak ning adlawa! yawa!!! yatiiii!!! buanga aning giatay na pagka lecheng exercise!!! Maytag mamatay nalang jud ang tanang mga pisting buang sa kalibutan na na lumos sa purigit!

alternating english and bisaya cuss words flying through my mind pushing at the back of my throat eager to be hollered out at the unsuspecting public.
Well, needlessto say, the public was spared my intonations of ire and exasperation.

I will however spend the rest of the night screaming profanities into my spongebob pillow.

series post 1

2006-07-22T19:09:00.001-07:00

This will ba part of a series that Ill be posting over the next few weeks... :D
Lalang...

Me:

[_] I am shorter than 5'4.

[_] I think I'm ugly. (not all the time.. :/)

[_] I have many scars.

[x] I tan easily. (I think the word youre looking for is BURN... crispy fried me...)

[x] I wish my hair was a different color. (a lighter brown than it currently is...)

[_] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

[_] I have a tattoo. (I had a henna tattoo once :O)

[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance. (not a whole lot, but you know...)

[_] I have/I've had braces. (I dont care if I might need them...they look painful.. >.<)

[_] I wear glasses.

[_] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.

[_] I HAD more than 2 piercings. (I dont even have ear piercings :O)

[_] I HAD piercings in places besides my ears.

[x] I have freckles. (here and there...)

Home sweet home

2006-07-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

Theres nothing like waking up in your own bed at 9 in the morning with a cat sitting on your head. Its a really hard feeling to duplicate... (particularly the bit about the cat). So, guess where I am? :) back in Cebu for another weekend!

Truthfully this does complicate my schedule to a certain degree (I cant believe Im missing the A.D.S. intro sem T.T) but if I hadnt come this weekend I wouldnt have been able to go to beagles pre-debut thing... :O nasty nasty videoman-creature....

Seriously though, Im happy I came back. You know the feeling of security you get from being on your own turf? (home court advantage, for all you jocks out there) Yeah... Im feeling that right now. Its (as always) the little things...

You can totter off down to breakfast without worrying where to go, who to go with, and if the friggin caf is even open.

You can walk around in your pajamas.

You know where to find the ketchup.

Its the kind of ketchup you like
(whats the point of knowing where to find ketchup that you dont like??).

You can stay up late without bothering your roommates.

You can wake up late without being bothered by your conscience.

You have ACCESS TO A COMPUTER.

Theres TV.

Its airconed.

Your cats miss you and have been extremely affectionate since your arrival.

Your dog is clean, and is particularly happy to see you
(You can tell when Larry is really happy when his butt wags along with his tail).

Theres a whole bunch of new books that you can 'borrow' from your sister.

All of my art supplies and sketches are here.

The bathroom is not communal.

You can take long showers.

There is a water-heater
(which is the main reason why you take long showers)

You can listen to your music without an ipod.
(the ear thingies get a little irritating after a while)

You get to hug your parents.

You get to bother your siblings.

Your surrounded by the comforting clutter.

Everything is the way it should be.

Its HOME.

Basically... Its just good to be home.

Rain=no classes= POTC!!!!

2006-07-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

stolen entry...

2006-07-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

Copy-pasted out of Mark's blog ;)

1. Of your name?

Candice and Louie are derived from the names of my grandmothers, Morgan is because Im year of the horse (trivia: Morgan is a large pony)... the others are just because my parents thought they were pretty ^_^;

2. Of your parents?

My Dad is a Cebuano with relatives practically everywhere, who spent his childhood in the U.S. and my Mom is a Cebuana with roots in Bacolod I think... they met at a photoshoot, he gave her peanuts... :O

3. Of your last birthday?

2nd to the last day in Cebu. went to all my favorite places and ate all my favorite Cebuano food... got Herbie, (my frog) and Sheryl (my ipod)... last minuet packing for Manila. bittersweet day...

4. Of your first love?

I dont know about LOVE... but my first 'crush' was in grade1 yata... felmar cruz, -.-; dont ask for elaboration...

5. Of your room?

My dorm room has 4 beds, 1 ref, 4 closets, 4 cubbyholes, 4 study tables, 4 fans, a whole mess of bags, clothes and books. and three other people in it :)

6. Of last Christmas?

Had relatives over... wanted to shoot a particular one before the end of the evening. :) my affection is limited to 1st degree relatives.

7. Of last Valentines day?

Lalang... regular day. I got myself one of the chocolate flowers that they were selling at the canteen... :D yummmm....

8. Of your current clothes?

maong capris my floppy 'dept. of mental health... patient' shirt, my trusty black jacket, socks, undies, and the high cut chucks I wore to last year's prom. ;)

9. Of the first time you saw your crush?

ORSEM 06-07... -.-; hehehe... pwede mag-shift?? ^_^

10. Of you and your best friend/s?

My current bestfriends kay, sila Beagle, Patti, Chris and Irish :O

--->bonding with Patti over a secret and charicatures on the second day of ORSEM, bonding with beagle and Irish on SOM night, additional Beagle bonding because of.. 'bata' ;p bonding with chris on the third day of ORSEM as English blockmates (ballroom dancing!!! ;))

11. Of the last place you went to?

Ummm... back to my dorm room after showering??

12. Of the last time you cried?

June 12, 2006... On the drive to the airport.

13. Of your greatest achievement so far?

??? Uhmmmmmm.... getting into BMH?? I dunno... :O

14. Of the last movie you watched?

Failure to Launch, watched it again with Jenny and Joan last night sa dorm... ;) mwahahahaha....

And so it continues...

2006-07-06T01:28:00.000-07:00

This is fun... really it is! :) Im in much better spirits than yesterday so I come to spread the happiness!! wooooohoooo!!! Yeah! *raises rock hands to the sky* :O... lalang...

Ive finally resigned myslef to my fate and I dont feel quite so bad about it now. I have a problem, steps are being taken to correct it. No biggie. not really. >_< *shakes head* bleeeccchhhkkk... moving on with our lives...

Now, you may all be wondering what triggered this sudden change in mood (or you might not, but if youre reading this I feel obliged to bother you with the reason anyway...) The answer ladies and gentlemen is simply this. I FOUND A COOL BOOK!!!! Yaaaaayyyyyy!!!! See? I take pleasure in the little things. which subsequently turn into big things for me :O lalang.. I find that books are a sure fire way to make me happy. Hence the screen name prosepusher... I get something like a lit high. Its like my equivalent of drugs... hahaha... O_O Oh yes, the book that Im reading right now is called "Last Cantata" by Philip Deliesis (or something like that, the guy has a wierd name...) its ssssoooooooo cooool.... :O or it is for me anyway... it flashes back and forth in time, telling the story of the great composers and their "secret" to great music... It starts off with Bach then Mozart, Beethoven, Wagner, Mahler... thats as far as Ive gotten. basta!!! I loike eeett... reeeallly Oiiiii doooooo :D (ngek, mole speak...)

oooohhh... would you look at that, Freddy Mercury just walked by...

Not the REAL Freddy Mercury, (Well yeah Im psychotic, but delusions aren't one of the manifests...) Im reffering to Mark's friend... the one we met in McDo last saturday. I dont know his real name, so Freddy's as good as any dont you think? The resemblance is striking. Except for the poofy hair and the 'bandanna' (fo lack of a better term) and stuff, and he doesnt appear to be gay... but seriously, hed probably win first prize in a look alike contest. I wonder if he plays the piano/guitar/ sings.... that would be cool...

Speaking of bands, I joined the Finance dept of AMA. Everyone else is in Enstrat but I dont really care... they have all kinds of cool projects, (fundraisers, and the like...) One of which was a concert, pina battle of the bands style I think??? I dunno... It sounded really fun :O besides if I stayed with the Q1 people all the time (lovely as we all are...) Im pretty sure theyd get tired of having me around... One of the reasons I gave for "why should we not pick you for AMA?" was that Im overly cheerful. Ive learned from experience that this bugs a lot of people. *shrugs* Ive been working on that, really I have, but I still come off as a bright sunny pain in the ass...

.............................................

Do you know what I just realized? The more tim I spend here... the less time I have with that book I told you about. Nooooooooooooo!!!

blog?

book?

blog?

book?

DUHHHH!!!
.....................................

-prosepusher-

In answer to my random question

2006-07-05T03:14:00.000-07:00

The answer to the random question for your profile can only be 150 characters... I dont think a story that short would dp justice to the tale of theodore (or satisfy the children for that matter) sooooo... for the children's (and child minded) sake, here is the story of the frog with a wig.

........
Once upon a time there was a three eyed bullfrog named Theodore... He was strange, not because he had three eyes (thats 'special') but because he had the feeling that a colony of aliens would one day plummet from the sky and invade his mind.

Theodore felt that the only way to stop this from happening was to sheild his head and 'hide' it from the evil aliens. So he got a wig. Now, this was no ordinary wig! It was a wig made by the nasal fairies by the light of the gibbous moon from the nose hairs of the great Shalarahooorah. this wig possessed the amazing power of immediate and prolonged itchiness. which by the way was an intresting predicament for a frog to have since their flippers arent very good for scratching around with.

The other frogs thought that Theodore was foolish for having this wig, and willingly subjecting himself to daily itchiness just to hide his scalp. Theodore bore their insults, knowing that one day the aliens would come... one day, they would take over the mind of every amphibian on earth, upsetting the ecological balance, and thrusting the world into utter chaos!!!

Its been 28 years. The aliens have yet to appear. and Theodore is always itchy...

For those of you (Jomar....) who need a moral for the story, it is this...

>> make sure you get a wig that isnt itchy. O_o;

.......bow......

-prosepusher-

And so it begins

2006-07-05T02:12:00.000-07:00

Here I am... sitting in front of a blankety screen, typing on a sticky keyboard, trying to put my thoughts in to words... Understandable words. I COULD just start speaking in bisaya (or heck, make a whole new language all together) but somehow that seems to defeat the purpose of the blog yes?

Walay gamit kung mag yawyaw nalang ko ngari nga puro bisaya, ma sapot unya mo nako kay ala moy nasabtan sa akong pag blog. Right?

Indeed...

It is currently 5:18 according to the clock on the wall in front of me. I was suppossed to meet someone named Charm from ES nearly a hour ago. she said she would text. She has not. therefore I am here! In the lib... (aja!) It has occurred to me that I havent blogged in over a month... possibly approaching two but hey, Im not keeping count so what would I know? Im not feeling quite so eloquent today (but according to our Eng 12 class---> like hell thats going to stop me!) my blog... my time... my nonsense and/or crap... your problem for sticking around to read it >_<

Sorry... were a weeeee bit unhappy today... (and by we, I mean me, and the voices in my head) I suppose Im not adjusting to this whole "college experience" as well as I should be. wouldnt it be helpful if someone could just come over and bitch slap some sense into me? Ahhhh... If only it were that easy... Clarity, but a bitch slap away... I suppose the person who does the bitch slapping would probably require huge hands and humongous biceps to be able to whack that much of a change into my noggin... Hmmmm what if I put up an ad in the classifieds? Senseless girl seeking large handed, muscular armed individual to bitchslap sense into her. No previous experience required. Or I could just hire someone to shoot me in the back of my head while Im not looking... O_O Its a pretty neat way to go... Lalalalalalalalalalala.... Bang.

Theoretically; Im dead now and it would be awkward if I kept blogging... me being dead and all.... you know... yeah...

time of death: 5:34 pm

I'll probably have to be resurected for school tomorow though...

Math...

Fil...

Damn.....

-prosepusher-