Mortified

As strong and fully descriptive as this word is, I would like to say that it doesnt even come close to describing the utter humiliation and complete irrevocable shame that I am currently experiencing. My sensibilities and pride have been so scandalized that it has become a physical pain.
I was happy believing that I was good at debating. I was happy believing that articulation was one of my strong points. I was happy believing that I would have a bright future in the org.


I just came back from my first ADS session...
I am no longer happy.

Nah, Im just over dramatizing... It went fairly well. I have to admit I did feel a little stupid and as eloquent as a fungus encrusted log but thats to be expected when youre confronted with an actual Team A debater.. No, it was fine. Well, until the last part.


Our last excercise was a mock debate. The 'class' was cut in half and well, the situation was nuclear fallout. Only one of two people would survive this. It was either: Oprah or Glen (the ADS president) We were to debate on who deserved to live. We got Oprah.
3 minutes to make points and 3 minutes to present. My group picked me to debate (curses... I hate being the guniea pig). Now the kicker is that this isnt a debationg exercise. Its an exercise on manner. so while your debating, your facilitator flashes cards at you dictating the manner in which you are to debate. The following appeared:

-Seductive
-Evil
-Holy
-Bratty
-Happy

In that order. seriously speaking I was like what the flipping f***??! The first one threw me off my rocker and I just started yammering and over dramatisizing the whole frigging thing... It was ridiculous... word vomit... I couldnt have stopped myself even of I was aware of what I was doing. 2 seconds after the exercise this is the stream of conciousness that made its way across my mind...



Pistiiii!!! gi-ahak ning adlawa! yawa!!! yatiiii!!! buanga aning giatay na pagka lecheng exercise!!! Maytag mamatay nalang jud ang tanang mga pisting buang sa kalibutan na na lumos sa purigit!



alternating english and bisaya cuss words flying through my mind pushing at the back of my throat eager to be hollered out at the unsuspecting public.
Well, needlessto say, the public was spared my intonations of ire and exasperation.

I will however spend the rest of the night screaming profanities into my spongebob pillow.