Melting...

I want it to be over.

Is it just me or is it tiring to be alive sometimes? Or at the very least, its tiring always putting up my little happy face. But then again thats whats expected of me. If I let it slip Im sure people would notice. And I know a few who'd make a fuss about it. Can't I be unhappy without people prodding me back into the act? Can you just leave me to be miserable for like a halfway decent period of time?? Do I not have the right to be EMO sometimes??!

Lately Ive not been smiling properly. and by properly I mean, smiling and meaning it. Ive just been smiling for the sake of placating the expectations. The smile Ive been giving out is my "just show your teeth and hope they go away" smile. They never get it right. The people I want to stay, have to or just end up leaving and the ones I want to dissapear over the horizon of infinity... are the ones who Im stuck with. I even have to sleep with one of them. Gawd. . . Shoot me. shoot me now. or better yet, shoot her. rawr... all I know is that some shooting has to occur. seriously.

Things to be shot over:
>pisting yawa na Volleyball club.
I wish I had never joined it. first of all, I suck at volleyball. secondly, I dont enjoy it. Thirdly it eats into time Id rather spend reading.---> another issue.
HOWEVER:
-Im not looking forward to telling coach about it, and I dont know how Beagle will take my rejection of her life love. plus, what about my pseudo friendly acquaintances? -.-;

>Powermatch
I dont like my partner. Okay wait... let me rephrase that. shes a nice person, but we bring out the worst debate results in each other. I sooooo want to back out. I really think Im going to. I love debating but Hell... gi-ahak nalang na inutil ming duha kung ipakuyog jud mi. Shit. maayo unta na ni kuyog nalang ko ni Frances. -_-;

>Research Paper
need I say more? really?

>All the things I have to do with a computer despite the fact that the laptop Lolo left is useless T.T I dont know whats wrong with it. This in itself is a major contributor to my problems with the research paper.

> Im starved for literature
Or should I say that Im drowning in literature that Id rather not be reading?? (by that I mean the resource material for my paper... Lord smite Abola...) Im starved for literature that i ENJOY. I havent read for pleasure, I havent read for the sake of reading, I havent read for ME in more than a month. Frankly speaking this is the longest Ive ever gone. I need my fix. and I need it SOON.

Im becoming a cranky little bitch with all these stress inducers. Id like to apologize in advance to the people I will be snapping at. Its not REALLY your fault. Sometimes I think how easy it would be to just fall asleep and not come to anymore. bleck.... I need my fix of happy music as well... wouldnt it be cool if I was like the wicked Witch of the West? All I'd have to do is step into the shower and start melting away.

-prosepusher-